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Originally Posted by cotambear
Welcome to the bridge of the USSS (United Siam Space Ship) completely
unfettered Free Enterprise.
KIRK - Ensign Noi, I have summoned you to this officers meeting to examine your recent behavior which we feel may not reach the standards expected of a starfleet officer
NOI - Big Smile
KIRK - Perhaps you would like to explain why you invariably turn up two hours late for bridge duty?
NOI - Big Smile
KIRK - er, right. Perhaps you can explain your behavior at first contact with the Romulan Star Empire? At this tense diplomatic moment you were observed repeatedly pestering Romulan Senator Ranak for `lady drinks`.
NOI - Big Smile
KIRK - mmm, Engineer Scott, do you have something to contribute?
SCOTTY - Aye captain, well, you know I had a wee store of fine malts. They were substituted for a chemical that the tricorder analysed as `Mekong`, a foul astrigent. I suspect this wee lassie of no good.
NOI - Big Smile
SCOTTY - As well captain, my records show repeated use of the transporters for short journeys around the ship.
NOI - I no like walk
KIRK - Well, there is an infestation of Rigelian Jumping Bugs in your quarters. Explain!
NOI - I get hungry, must eat
KIRK - But our replicators are state of the art, they can be programmed to produce the finest cuisine!
NOI - I no like Farang food.
KIRK - uuuurggh - Bones, what`s your view?
MCCOY - Well Jim, this girls in twice a day with all kinds of imaginary complaints, she`s a hypocondriac! And she`s always pestering for tatoos or boob jobs. I`m a Doctor Jim, not a plastic surgeon!
SULU - Yesterday I issued her with a gold com badge and a brand new communicator. Within 2 hours she`d pawned it to a Farengi!
NOI - I like you Japanese man, big money.
KIRK - There`s only one way to get to the bottom of this. Spock!
SPOCK - Captain?
KIRK - Prepare to mind meld
NOI - You no touch my head!
KIRK - Do it Spock!
SPOCK - Urrrrrrrrr. I`m making contact captain. Her mind is completely illogical!
MCCOY - Break contact Spock, you`re in danger!
SPOCK - I`ve severed the link.
KIRK - Well Ensign Noi, I think we`ve heard enough. You`re unsuitable for service on this ship, every other word you say is a lie.
NOI - YOU SAY I LIE?
KIRK - Well, Yes
NOI - I NO LIKE YOU ! YOU FAT UGLY OLD BALD FARANG!
MCCOY - Well, she`s got you there, Jim.
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