[dawsey]

A very ugly man walked in to his local pub one night with a big grin on his face.
"You look pleased with yourself",said the landlord.

"I am, said the ugly man, last night I took a short cut across the railway tracks on my way home from the pub. I found a girl tied to the railway line, I cut her free and we shagged all night long"

"Thats nice,said the landlord, did you get a *******?"

"No, said the ugly man,couldn't find the head.



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An old man wanted to get rid of his 70yr old wife,so he found himself a hit-man.

The hitman agreed to do the job and the old man asked how he would kill her.

"Oh I'll shoot her just below her left nipple" he said.

"Thats no good, said the old man, I want her killed,not fcuking kneecapped"