[Denver]

They may not be the Place to post this and by all means if the Moderators see fit to move it to idle chit chat then I'm good with that.

I have just spent the most frightening 48 hours of my recent life! Bullets 'n' Bombs! Keep 'em..............I'm talking Boll0cks! (So no change there then I hear some of you say!)

Two days ago I was taking a shower and giving the old wedding tackle a good scrub when I noticed that my right testicle was as hard as a rock and had moved right up to my abdomen. I felt around a bit more as a cold shiver ran down my spine and being 45 and a smoker obviously thought the worse.

I sat on my bed (yes, I had a ciggie!) and had another feel. It was really starting to ache now. I mentioned it to a few of the lads and the usual boll0ck jokes started to flow and I felt really great!!! "We need to get you to a doctor!" our medic says. There's a curfew on the streets of Baghdad! Anyway, body armour on, helmet on, into the three armoured vehicles, through the deserted streets and into the 'Green Zone' to the Hospital.

Never having been before and now in a bit of pain, I stumbled around looking for a Doctor, a young US Captain saw me and helped me to where I needed to be. He was a Doctor! "Drop your drawers" he says. The tannoy goes off shouting "Incoming casualties - 5 Minutes - Helipad one - Multiple Gunshot wounds" I am stood with my trollies around my ankles, nadgers out, while half the hospital mobilises to recieve some shot up Marines from the North. He quickly tells me it isn't a 'Torsion' as I would be unconsious now and he would be cutting my balls off! Nice! and that he had to go as he was the On-Duty Surgeon.

If find somewhere to sleep on the floor and have a pretty awful night, not as bad as the lads who had been ambused. At 0700 I am seen again. My boll0cks are pulled this way and that. I have a testicular ultra-sound and epididymitis (Infection of the epididdy stringy-thing) is diagnosed. I am given pain-killers, anti-biotics. Apparently, I am out of the age group for a Cancer, 20-35 and there is no pain with the cancer, just a lump on the testicle!

Anyway, just letting you know chaps! I'm back in the office, the right ball is humming away down there, hurting like a b1tch......BUT I still have the little bugger! The medication will kick in soon.

So Fellas, check yourself, if you do find something, get to the Doctors, it might not be what you think it is and if you act quickly, they are going to deal with it for you.

Thanks for reading. Stay safe out there...................I need a drink!