[faultytowers]

The FA
25 Soho Square
London W1 4FA



Dear Sir,

Our Head Coach, Mr Sven-Goran- Ericsson, has asked me, on the eve of
our departure to Germany for the World Cup Finals, for which we have
qualified, to ask our fellow Home Nations to come to our assistance so
that England may be 100% sure of winning the World Cup.
As you are no doubt aware from the winning of the Rugby World Cup
and the Ashes, England’s success boosts all British nations and we know
how you all enjoyed basking in the reflected glory which bonds our
ancient nations together.
To this end, we request and require that you furnish, forthwith, any
information, which may aid us on our quest. We don’t expect to need it,
you understand, but one never knows.
What we have in mind is tactical appraisals of our opponents, whom you
may have encountered whilst failing to qualify yourselves. Foreign styles
of play, underhand methods of influencing the referee, latin diving,
teutonic bullying, you know the sort of thing. Also, if there is any advice
of the legality of two apparently separate islands in the Caribbean forming
a joint enterprise for the express purpose of winning a soccer match. In
the capital here we find it quite extraordinary!
I know well you all take delight in the support of England whenever any
of you manage a shock result and am sure of the same fulsome support
from you chaps in this instance.


You remain, hopefully, our humble servants

Brian Barwick