[faultytowers]

The Irish Reply


FA Ireland
80 Merrion Square
Dublin 2


Ah Brian how’s it going
All the lads here wish ye the very best in the World Cup. Sure don’t ye
know that?
We always want England to do well. There has been too much old guff
about history and bad blood and we should forget about all that. We have
anyhow.
I mean, nowadays who is interested in Pope Adrian (the only English
Pope) blessing the English invasion which took all our lands and divided
it up amongst the English? Who wants to know about Cromwell putting
the women and children of Drogheda and Wexford to the sword; the
Penal Laws that outlawed the one true Catholic faith and the outlawing of
the beloved Gaelic language. The crushing of the brave rebels in 1118,
1250, 1336, 1388 1542, 1612. 1798, 1848, 1916. Sure we have forgotten
all about the Famine, where one million of us were starved to death, skin
and bone with grass stain about our hungry mouths with pestilence rapine
and disease stalking every corner of the land whilst our young men fought
in the front lines of the trenches of your imperial wars.
Having forgotten all that, and the unfinished business in a corner of our
land, we would of course be delighted to support England, and we will.
However, you must be aware of our longstanding emigrant links with
(seamus insert name of whoever the bastrds are playing) and so
therefore, on this one occasion, our loyalties may be somewhat divided.
As a favour Brian: - my daughter is a big Man U fan and could you send
over young Wayne’s birth cert (and his folks) so she can send him a
birthday card?

Yours as ever

Seán Ó Blarney