Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveRetiring
Well, in this situation, I'd opt for a clean break. Less ambiguous and less chance of a return bout of "why not get married..."
|
OK, here's what went down.
The phone call was made with the full intention of ratcheting down this whole marriage business and in no time, we're sweet talking each other.
Not only that, but she's being incredibly honest, and remorseful for her past misgivings. We also get honest about our potential life together including our love life and all that. She's cool with trying stuff I told her "American girls do" (nothing too crazy here gang, she's very inexperienced for her age–she says she has had terrible lovers). She was totally cool with that and we worked it out to my satisfaction. She's very convincing and her English is holding up well.
I was getting snowed, of course. We've been over this ground before. Of course, I fell for it. Already I'm making concessions and inviting her to come to LA during Golden Week (a week long holiday in Japan–takes place in 2 months from now). Hey, she wants to knock boots. Why not? I'm seeing it as pretty innocent, she's seeing a way to hook me with the hairy necklace.
Next day, I email her
recapping a couple of important issues over the phone:
1) The central focus of the email:
We are not getting married anytime soon, as I have trust and honesty issues. We can work on that if we both get counseling. But only after that.
2) As an aside:
I'm glad we worked out issues related to our sex life. And, "won't it be great to try it out during Golden Week, honey?"
THEN I GET THE SCATHING RESPONSE:
"I was DISGUSTED by your last email!" 
She goes on some tirade about how I'm obsessed with sex and how she could never be someone's "sex machine woman" and questions like "do I want to get married just for sex?" Just a super trumped up freak out. She didn't even mention the honesty or trust issues or how we can solve them through counseling or whatever.
She said that we had
already frankly talked about our future sex life and by my recapping it and saying, "Yeah! That's great we made some progress!", in the email, she thought I was unnecessarily going over the same ground. She thought that by bringing up our sex life (once more) was in very bad taste and apparently, that hurt her feelings. She was mad that I didn't bring up issues like: "Where do we go on vacation?" or "What do we do on Sundays?".
I wrote her back and said, "Hey, I think you are completely misunderstanding the intention of the email and are also making a big deal out of nothing. Also, that email is not the best medium when you are talking about personal things. But, hey, if you're mad, tell me now as to whether you are coming to visit or not."
Welp. I do not think she's bought the plane ticket. I got one final email that said:
Quote:
|
"I need to re-evaluate our relationship. Please do not contact me."
|
I doubt that she's pulled out the samurai blade to end this miserable relationship (I wish she would!) I think she's gearing up for one more round of games with me. The MOAB of rejections, which, of course she will want me to come crawling back to her once more.
No way this time, fellas. This miscommunication has nothing to do with the fact that she is Japanese. This woman has deep psychological issues. She needs some serious therapy if she is ever to find happiness in her own life. I'm glad I finally figured this all out.
It's possible that I will never hear from her again. That might suit her as she would be leaving me twisting in the wind
FOREVER. I think that's how she would like to end it with me. She likes to see me suffer. This time is different. Let her think what she wants, I am
relieved!
If I do get an email from her, I will press the Delete Key. I think it will be difficult to do without saying: thanks for the memories, get help with your issues, good luck and good bye. I might still do that, I'm not sure. I do feel some responsibility for helping her out and going out with a white hat on.
Thanks for all your support fellows. I suppose the final chapter is not totally closed, but once the email is not responded to, I am sure she will get the message and I'll never hear from her again.
Time to burn a very large stack of letters.