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Sorry you're having such a problem with this.
Sounds to me like it could be a misinterpretation, by the hotel. (language difficulties included)
I don't mean to be harsh, but why would you send emails to the hotel, inquiring about (joiner fees)...when you're planning on "checking in" with the lady? Maybe it sent up a caution flag to them.
I've stayed in Riverside hotels in BKK (as well as other 5 star properties, in the city), with m TGF. And, I've never booked her name in advance. Simply added her (with ID), as the second guest at check in...and never got the slightest bit of a hassle.
I cannot believe that any hotel will add a surcharge, because a (second) registered guest is a Thai national. (assuming you have booked for 2 guests)
I really think that there is some miscommunication going on here. These hotels are definitely not "joiner friendly", and you may have opened yourself to problems, merely by inquiring.
I think a lot of this trouble you're having, could be language related. Just because they understand some english, a lot can slip by.
Hope you get it worked out, anyway.
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