[Phil_in_Thai]

Confession time Gentlemen. This is my last will and testament so I trust you will forgive the long post.

My company has made me redundant with a severance package that will see me through two years though I intend working again after a few months break. ‘Lucky Bu**er’ I hear you say…. But read on please and think again before jumping in my shoes.

No prizes for guessing where some of that time will be spent. An earlier holiday with my Thai girlfriend whetted my appetite though at that time any ‘additional’ activities would have been ill advised. I never doubted that she was of the ‘free surgery’ ilk and I have no desire to change gender. If she even suspected anything then I would not have slept easy. Is she worth it? OH! is she just? Was I worth it? Apparently so since she takes incredible risks to be with me. Her husband is built like a brick s*ithouse you see so I must be doing something right. Mind you I have also spent four hours behind their sofa bo**ock naked and weighing my chances if I jumped out of their third floor window.

I can’t say no to her. One phonecall and I’m there, trousers round my ankles and my pecker pointing like a windvane in a tornado. Do all Thai girls have the same effect? If so then it’s a wonder that there are any Thai men left alive. Why doesn’t she leave him? She wants to but I would have to move away with her, a long way, Jupiter might be safe enough from him.

Now my trip to Phuket was to be a leisurely affair. Enjoy a few trips, soak up the sun, have a few beers, chill out and hand out a few barfines. So grateful for this site.

And the problem? She has decided to come with me. I told her I was going diving in the Red Sea and she said ‘No, you are going to Phuket and I’m coming with you.’ I didn’t tell her I swear. She just knew. ‘And the problem?’ I hear you again. The almost daily sessions I can do. I’m not getting any younger gentlemen and a month with this rabid nymph will kill me. She will disturb my morning shower, demand a pre-breakfast session, we will find a quiet corner on one of our trips, post-dinner session etc……I did two weeks of that before going home and taking a week on the sick. Doctor said I was suffering from exhaustion and I needed a holiday. Wahhhhhhh!

She told her husband that she needed to visit the temple for one of those fasting things they do. It worked the last time.

Now, if I use all the blood available in Phuket General then I reckon on three weeks before I go to the Soi-feebonk in the sky. Say ‘no’ to her? Forget it. I ask no sympathy gentlemen. I do my duty as all men should.

Being of sound mind I leave all my holiday possessions to any BMs that will perform the following service:

About the third week of April you may hear of a dead farang lying somewhere in Phuket. The bloodless corpse will be mine gentlemen. Bloodless save my overworked member that my poor heart has used its last beat to keep it on the job. I ask no pity for I go that way gladly. Don’t bother with a coffin, you won’t get the lid on anyway. Just attach a sail to my overworked member and wait for an offshore breeze before casting me adrift. If there is an afterlife then hopefully I can come back as a grasshopper of something. Then I can spend my days happily with the Thai grasshopper bar girls. Do a séance sometime in May and Ill tell you where to find them….OK?