[easyrider_au]

Firstly, I must say that this a copy & paste from pattayaaddicts.com, by a member called Ratchada & I have his permission to post it here.

OK, as you know I'm not an expat....But I'd be curious to hear what the guys living in Phuket have to say about these " rules"

IMO the OP has some good points....I'm all for listening & learning from those that are "on the ground" (pardon the pun Geir)
Anyways, see what you lot think.

Everyone’s always posting “rules for newbies,” so I thought for a change I’d take a stab at some “rules for expats”. Disclaimers: I’ve only been living in Thailand 5 ½ years, and of course I have my own personal tastes and preferences, so everyone’s mileage will definitely vary, and no doubt other expats won’t agree with some of what I have to say…also, these rules and observations are based not just on my own experiences, but also the experiences of friends and acquaintances, some of whom have not done very well here…so perhaps we can all learn by their experiences. Suffice it to say that I have not followed all my “rules” to the letter either, haha.

Also, I left out the ones I feel are “no-brainers,” such as “don’t do drugs here” (other than alcohol), “adopt Thai standards of hygiene” (bathe at least twice a day!!), and “never get in a fight with a Thai”…though those all really apply to every farang in Thailand, including the visitors. The 10 “rules” below are geared specifically to those who have chosen to live here long-term.

1. Avoid GoGo Bars. GoGo Bars are set up to drain as much cash as possible from your pocket in a short amount of time, with minimal “return” for you. They are made for tourists with limited amounts of time and tons of cash to spend in Thailand. They can be your downfall when you live here. If you must, visit them in moderation, such as when you have out-of-town visitors to entertain. I much prefer bar beers and diddle bars, you really get to choose a girl more wisely and in general get more bang for your buck and time spent in the bar.

2. Don’t Drink Beer. …if at all possible. If you must drink, drink mixed drinks. Nothing lays on the pounds like beer, and it’s so easy in this climate to suck down many of them every night. Back in the US, I was usually just fine with 5 or 6 bottles a night; after several years here it’s gotten to be more like 10-15. If you must drink large quantities of beer, then by all means…

3. Exercise! Of course, you should do this even if you don’t drink. Go to the gym, walk, run, learn Muay Thai, whatever, but it’s essential to get a regular regimen set up and to stick to it! Myself, after several years of inactivity (during which I gained some 30 pounds!) I now walk 4-8 miles a day in the park, at a very rapid pace (15 min. a mile), every day. I lost all the pounds by just not drinking for 3 months, and even though I’m back to it now, the walking offsets the beer very nicely.

4. Learn to Speak Thai. If you’ve lived here over a year and you can’t converse in basic Thai, that’s pretty pathetic. Think about how you feel about foreigners who go to live in your country, are there for years, and never try to learn the language. Don’t be that person. Plus, speaking Thai has many benefits: it causes Thais to respect you more and treat you better (more like a person and less like a walking ATM), it helps you get out of jams more easily, and you really get to know the girls…believe it or not, sometimes they really do have interesting things to say. It also helps you respect the girls more, because you hear them speaking a language in which they can actually express themselves with some finesse and subtlety, not just baby-talk English.

5. Do Not Get a Girlfriend. Let me qualify this one: do not get a girlfriend from the low-educated working class, and that by definition includes all bar girls. If you must get a girlfriend, find an educated Thai, preferably who has been educated in the West. Otherwise, the barriers to a lasting, meaningful relationship are just too great: their world view will be just too different from yours. But really, girlfriends here are best to avoid altogether. Get a few regular lovers/”giks” set up; you won’t spend as much money as you would just pulling bar girls all the time, and you’ll still be free to play (not sneak) around when you want to. Above all, avoid live-in girlfriends like the plague, unless you speak the same language fluently. AND you’re willing to be considered someone’s property, and have your freedom seriously curtailed.

6. Don’t Have Babies with Thai Women You Aren’t Married To. Yeah, I know, this should fall under the “no brainer” category (with its cousin, “wear a ****ing condom!), but some guys apparently need to be told this. Really, there are few stupider things you could do here.

7. Do Something Constructive! I know several guys who are living here on inheritances, and some of them are blowing through them really fast. They do nothing but go out. If you’re going to be here long-term, you really need to DO something meaningful here. Luckily for me, my field is Southeast Asian languages, so this is the perfect location for me, even though I am paid by a university back in the States. I’ve gone out a lot—too much—in my time here, but I also have many accomplishments to make me feel good; I’ve written four books since I’ve been here, and I teach English to bar girls as a volunteer. Whatever you do, do something other than just **** and drink.

8. Eat Thai Food Most of the Time. Sure, you miss your favorite farang food, and there’s no reason you shouldn’t enjoy it once in a while…but Thai food is so varied, so cheap, and (most of it) so much better for you than farang fare, why not take advantage of it? It really is one of the best things about living here. Personally, I don’t really like Central Thai food, and only eat it a few times a month, but there’s plenty of other variety here: Lao (Isan) food, Southern Thai food, Northern Thai food, and that’s what I eat most of the time.

9. Get Away Once in A While. If you’re going to be here for years, you need to spend a few months of each of those years outside Thailand. Personally, I get to the point where I want to “go postal” and take a high-powered rifle and start picking off Thais in the mall (I’m kidding!!!) after about 6 straight months here…you know, just dealing with the incompetence, laziness and lying day after day, trying to walk down the sidewalk at a normal pace and getting stuck behind some imbecile walking like a snail, and taking a step to either side for every three steps forward…all you ex-pats know exactly what I’m talking about. Luckily I get to go back and teach in the States for 2 ½ months every year. And beyond that, I take “breaks” in Cambodia and Laos, where the people are much more laid-back (and non-arrogant)…makes a big difference.

10. Learn Some Thai History. Thais don’t know shit about the history of their own country…there’s no reason you have to be the same. Did you know that Thais are the “newcomers” to mainland Southeast Asia? Did you know that the monarchy almost completely disappeared in the period from the 1930s to 1950s, and that it achieved its present cult-like status due in large part to the massive cash support of corrupt dictators by the US (dictators who were willing to raise up the monarchy as an anti-communist symbol)? Did you know that Thais have only been rising for that song in theaters and standing still for the national anthem like they do, and posting pictures of the King everywhere for just 50 years? That they’ve only been talking the way they do (“sawatdee” “khrap” “khaa”) for 50-60 years? That most of this country was forest (not rice farms) before the 1960s, and especially before the 20th Century? If anything, learning about Thai history keeps you from believing all the bullshit that the Thais are brainwashed into believing about who they are and what Thailand is. Read “A History of Thailand” by Chris Baker and Pasuk Phongpaichit and have your eyes opened.

ratchada