Quote:
|
Originally Posted by joeblow
OK I apologise if I have misread the post. It just irks me when people make statements like this. I realise many ladyboys gather on the beach road and try to rip off unsuspecting tourists. Firstly I was not trying to put anyone down, so look who has jumped to conclusions. And can you explain to me how from all this you make the unfounded remark that I am insecure?
|
Well, jumping at the opportunity to call someone a `fool` looks like strong need to put others down to me. I can see a flame war in the offing here so this will be my last post on the subject. Lifes too short. if I ever see you in the MTB I`ll buy you a beer, no hard feelings. If your intereseted, heres some theory on `put downs`. from:
http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap9/chap9h.htm
"Berne's book, Games People Play, was a best seller for several years. It was and is meaningful to many people. What is a game? It is a put on...a dishonest interaction designed (by the "child") to deflate someone or to inflate the game player's ego. Every game has three steps: (1) the initial interaction which appears on the surface to be reasonable and straight-forward. This is the "hook" or the "set up" --a deceptive front or pretense which hides the true purpose of the game. (2) There is a secret ulterior purpose --the destructive need. This is a hidden agenda, and gradually a "switch" is made from the pretense to the real motive. (3) There is an unhealthy, childish, "sick" outcome, a "pay off" that usually degrades the player him/herself or the other person. An example will make it clear. Suppose you volunteer to help a friend with her math problems. If there is a part of you (the child) which unintentionally makes the math lesson more difficult or confusing to her than it needs to be, then you are probably playing a game. If you use her feeling stupid to make yourself feel smart and superior, than it's a game. If you get some pleasure out of seeing her feel inadequate and scared or feel satisfaction out of proving again to yourself that most women are dumb, then it's a game, since you aren't really helping, although you may consciously think that is your motive.
Games, as defined by Berne, are always destructive to relationships. They aren't "fun and games;" they end up being very serious and cruel interactions. So why are they performed over and over? As mentioned before, we have needs to "one up" another person, to punish ourselves,
to feel self-righteous, to get attention (even if negative), to deny our fears and self-doubts and responsibility, to cut down others and so on. In the service of these needs, games yield a variety of immediate, primitive, pleasurable feelings, e.g.
I'm smarter than you are!
I'm always being dumped on so I have a right to get revenge--to be mean and nasty."
And just for the record, I`m not perfect, and do it myself on occasion..........