[LivinLOS]

This is a very public place to discuss a very very serious topic (and its 7am)..

The first thing I must say is any man that does not look after his own offspring is not worth the title of being a man and I have fallen out with many guys back in the 'control' of europe asking me how to avoid the CSA..'If' this baby is yours (??) there is a world of responsibility that I (personally) am far too much of a child in a mans body to deal with.. How could you walk away and spend the rest of your life not knowing.. I dont know, I guess I could not, child that I am...

First thing, decide in your own mind what you are prepared to do.. Do you feel enough heart to stay with her ?? If not do not, then do not make make any charade or communicate anything other than your true feelings (nearly every long term girl I know has a kid back home she is 'working' to support) and I have had very frank conversations with girls who have deliberately taken this on simply because they know the man was 'soft' (or strong) enough to not walk away...

Secondly as the idiot Reagan said, 'Trust but verify' make sure that a paternity test is performed as soon as possible after birth, its cold and hard but so is life.. Other than that there is not much more to say.. Despite your age, being a father happens (mine was on the lamb and did not need me) and I dont think any of us (boys in mens bodies) are really 'ready' for it..

Life is a strange thing, I dont believe that a collection of cells is 'alive' but I know that my grandfather (being part of the rotary / High Ranking army / British Legion / Masons / etc) wanted me aborted when my teenage mum got up the stick with a gypsey from the wrong side of life (and made her so poor that its hard to understand 'family' in the way I feel it).. No one knows what life leads to...

One of the hardest things I ever did is what I am going to advise you.. Tell her you will give no support.. Tell her you are history and gone.. Dont give her a hint of the way into falang life (cause I have seen it so many times with men with jai dee / good hearts).. seem as cold as you can.. Offer to pay for a termination.. keep a poker face at all times..

BUT.. If she bears your child into this world, you have no other option than to stand up and do what you must, you child would then deserve financial and emotional support.. One of my better early 20's irish mates used to party in Holland but 20 - 30% of his paycheck went back to the girl he got up the duff in his home village.. Mistake maybe, but he was man enough to make sure that he would not run away from his genetic code or the woman that trusted him that night.. I respected him so much more despite the changes he had to make in his life...

Here family and children are so much cheaper (but you are also very young).. It does always annoy me that both male and female have the ability to protect against 'mistakes' until the moment that sperm meets egg.. All of a sudden a woman has all the power and control (I do understand its her body, but from my perspective I could never walk away into the sunset), at that point (in Europe) she can decide if she wants government assistance, or decide if she wants to take a % of a mans earnings and lifestyle (financially) without his input, for years to come.. At the moment that egg meets sperm the man is not an equal in the descsiosn making process, he is merely a support stucture backed by government control (maybe not enough feel the compulsion to provide.. who am I to know or judge)... That does not happen here but if you have an ounce of charechter 'if' the baby is yours you have no other choice but to be its father..

Trust but verify..