Quote:
|
Originally Posted by eurogirlinthai
Jaybee it was not meant to be patronising, taking her to Denmark was my solution because of ante-natal care, nothing else, I have lived in Denmark and frankly would rather live in SE Asia any day of the week. But as I cannot imagine him moving here in the middle of his studies I think the father and mother should embark on this together and even if after birth she leaves with child I do think she will get better care in a country that has guaranteed healthcare. Infant mortality rate in Laos is relatively high, in Denmark it is very low.
|
Eurogirl, I didn't mean to say that your intent was to be patronizing. As I said, I think that your heart is in the right place, and you are trying to give what you genuinely see as the best advice to the man. But the effect of what you say comes off as patronizing, because appears to be(or is tantamount to) a statement that Denmark is a better place to raise a child than Laos. And while that may be a valid statement when referring to infant mortality rates, ante-natal care is only one part of a much larger picture. I suspect that there are good doctors and good hospitals in Laos. Many of the people there may not have access to them, and that could account, at least in part, for infant mortality rates.
I see no reason to believe that the parents being together is the best option. As another poster stated, the radical change in physical, social and family climate for a
TG moving to Denmark, especially with all the added stress of pregnancy, could be very hard on a relationship and it could crack under all that pressure. A better option might be if he could take off for a few weeks or a month to be there for the birth of the child.
The desires of the mother, her ability to make sudden adjustments during pregnancy(if she were to go to Denmark to have the baby), adaptation to a new climate, etc., are all factors to be considered. I would be very surprised if the woman was amenable to leaving her home and the warm emotional climate of family and friends, not to mention the warm weather climate.
To suggest that it is up to the man to decide where his child lives, or to assume that the woman would want to move to Denmark seems to be espousing a male chauvinistic viewpoint.
So, all I am saying is that, in fact, it is ultimately the woman's choice to decide where she and her child live, not the man's, although she may wish to consider his desires in reaching her decision. He may be able to apply financial pressure if he wanted the child to be in Denmark, but that would be a questionable tactic, at best. In this case, he does not appear to want that, because it would be a more comfortable situation for his family and probably for her family, as well, if she remained in Laos. So, all the factors need to be considered, not just welfare laws and infant mortality rates. It is not always best to give statistics top priority in making critical decisions for oneself and one's loved ones. There are so many other considerations.
Of course, this is only my opinion. I just happen to disagree with you on this point.
JayBee
