I think that people, in general, are more apt to let down their guard and not be concerned about face so much in one-on-one personal relationships, and, especially intimate relationships. Being real friends with a guy or having real intimacy with a woman is about being able to show them who you really are, and trusting that they will accept the real you. I think this is true between farangs or Thais or people the whole world over. Face has to do with what other people are going to think. Friendship and intimacy are about creating a relationship in a space that is private, above and beyond what other people may think. Other people are always trying to intrude into that space, and the test of a relationship or friendship is whether it can hold together against the onslaught of unsolicited opinions and antagonism from others, or whether it will succumb to external pressures.
Like you, I grew up in a world where I learned to "not give a **** about what others think." In that world, the people who don't give a **** about what other people think are the leaders and the rest are the followers. If you want to get anywhere in life, then you've got to think for yourself and chart your own course. It was not my parents who taught me that. I learned it in the school of hard knocks!
It seems to me that because in America it is every man for himself, that this kind of thinking is a lot more prevalent here, although you still have the religious right, who are of the follow the leader mentality, as well as on the opposite side of the political spectrum, the liberals who are ruled by ideas of political correctness.
But it is my impression of the Euros, that consensual thought is much more of a way of life and important in their world. Maybe I'm wrong about this, because I am generalizing, but it just seems that Euros are a lot more sensitive about what others think of them than Americans are, and a lot more concerned with not rubbing their buddies the wrong way!
At the end of the day, each of us is alone. Even those who are married. And it's only close family who will likely be there for you when need them. And you can't always count on them, either, as they've got their own lives and troubles to attend to. It is not that I don’t care about what my friends think, but only so far as they don’t try to impose their values and opinions on me. If they have a great thought or an insight that makes an impression on me, then I might want to incorporate that in my outlook. But if they try to impose their opinion or values on me, then they lose my respect, because they are not showing me respect, and then they fall into the “ I don’t give a **** what they think” category. So while it is always great to have a laugh with a buddy and enjoy the attentions of others, it is not good to let them affect the way you think or feel about yourself. You have to find your strength inside yourself, so as to be neither weakened by attacks from others, nor made soft by the subtle seduction of flattery.
But then this is just an American speaking. I know it is different for Thais, because for a Thai, the person and his/her family are almost one and the same, and friends are extremely important to them as well, especially the BGs, for whom the friends become a surrogate family. For Euros, I don't really know how it is. But from my observations, it seems as if it is a lot different than the way it is for Americans. I think that is because they come from societies which are very stable and fairly homogenous, whereas American society is much more in flux, and full of diversity, not homogenous at all.
JayBee
