[Captain]

I found this joke in Trinks page in the Bangkok Post. Still good fun.

I am passing along these humorous replies (meant to be serious) to an advertisement in a South African women's magazine called Femina, sent me by a reader. The ad in 1985 was for Nelex, a medicine for the treatment of a vaginal infection known as vaginitis.
It prompted hundreds of letters from sufferers countrywide, all of them genuine.
Herewith extracts from same of the most hilarious:
• Please send me the following symptoms: itching, discharge, unpleasant smell...
• I am one of those with a virginal problem... I will be very grateful if my disease were acceptable...
• Dear Sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I have not got enough time to express my sickness over this paper. I want to come by myself to confess my sickness to you after I use this Nelex...
• The trouble is my vaginitis and that I'm so ugly_.
• How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help...
• Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes like having sex...
• My husband is not happy with the behaviour of my vagina at bedtime...
• Please send me more information about these vaginal erections...
• My symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention, so please send me another medicine...
• Every boyfriend left me and made another girl pregnant, so maybe you can help me...
• With modern life of anonymous infection, I have found your vagina infection very handy and unavoidable...
• I tried Dettol, Omo (washing powder) and also pure brandy. All in vain...
• My problem is itching, burning pain after intercourse when the weather is cold or foggy I am a young lady of 1963. Will you please send me more news about my virginia pains during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse at all I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I am very dry. I went to the hospital) and they told me I have too much sex. Maybe I should move to Durban for the humidity...
• I am a girl of 21 years of edge. Can you help me with virginial infractions...
• Last night the virginial infections suddenly attacked me. What do you want me to do...
• Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for it...
• I really want a baby, but I don't want to be pregnant...
• The first time I noticed vaginal infection was in your advert...
• My vargin is beginning to irritate me. I scream at it sometimes but it doesn't help...
• Sometimes my anus produces an unpleasant smell_.
• Please send my letter back so I can remember what I have written...
• Please advertise more so that I can remember that I have an infection...
• I stopped to have sexual intercourse with my husband, but he hasn't stopped with me
• My problem is I feel itching even when my husband romances me with his erection...
• I never told anyone about my symptoms, now 1 see them publicly advertised...
• I am 42 years old, but the infections started when I was much older... please reply as soon as it is convenient for me. I have pain during sex, and also during intercourse...
• When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma room-freshener. Now I am 18 and I need your help...
• Please send any good and large information to my suffering vagina...
• According to symptoms advertised, I have discovered four of them in my Promised One.
• She urges me... so help me to help her. My new address is (address supplied)... but please send your reply to my old address Can I get vagina) infection without prescription...
• Nelex the effective treatment. is it also effective in Zimbabwe...