[Denver]

Another good British Airline is the Royal Air Force (Commonly known, in a friendly way, of course, as 'CRABAIR')

They fly some lovely green and grey painted aircraft called Fat Alberts (Hercules C130's) Lovely red webbing seats, facing inwards for your comfort and delight. Non-pressurised cabin, so when you just have to go for that in-flight piss in the bucket with a nice green curtain around it (Privacy for the girls!) It feels like the pee is travelling back into you rather than out. A constant drip, drip, drip from the condensation forming inside the cabin roof where you can see the wires moving as the jockey up front pushes the pedals. You are also issued with little yellow plugs of expanding foam to try and surpress the noise! No good, they don't work. You do learn to lip read quite well though.

In-flight catering consisting of a white cardboard box (affectionately known as a 'Death Pack') thrown down the aircraft at you by the Air load master down in the posh seats at the front. A carton of warm orange squash, a packet of jammy dodgers and maybe a Mars bar (if he hasn't nicked those for the pilot and his mates) Oh yes, no heating up there at altitude, so everyone scrambling around trying to put on everything you have packed for your 6 months away from Mum or Wifey.

A 14 hour flight to Ascension Island (Look it up, if you can find it!) Half an hour refuelling stop (You are allowed off to "Burst into flame" - Have a smoke) as long as you get far enough away from the aircraft. Then hop back on for another 14 hour stretch down to the Falkland Islands (Yep, 28 hours!!) On my particular trip we were carrying an internal 14000 litre tank of aviation fuel south to the FI's for the Phantom jets down there. Still one numpty piped up and asked if he could have a quick smoke in the aircraft!!

Most of the time the aircraft actually lands and you get to walk off the thing, other times, depending on the colour of the beret you are wearing, they keep the bloody thing at about 3000 feet and you actually get to jump out of the door! Fan-bloody-tastic!

I sailed back - 10 days - slept most of the way - brilliant.