Reminds me of one night in Chiang Mai that I spent drinking w/ my then GF's GF. We got a little pissed while my GF drank soda pops. Then her GF starts telling me her sob story about her BF, and pulls out some letters. It seems she wanted him(an aussie) to send her money. so she could get a proper ID, which cost some money(I think she wanted 20K Baht, IIRC). He wasn't readily forthcoming with the money, and questioned if she loved him. She said to me, "I don't care about money. I really love him. The money is not important. If only he would love me as I love him, then I would be so happy!" So after I went through the letters with her, and discussed it, I thought it was all a big misunderstanding.
I thought it was all a lack of clear communication caused by the language barrier, and offered to help her write a letter to him. I told her that she needed to write him and explain how she felt, that the money wasn't important to her, that she loved him, and if he doesn't send the money, then that doesn't matter, since it is the love that matters. I was somewhat blown away by her response.
She said, "No. I can't do that!" But why not, says I. "Because if he does not send me the money, then it proves to me that he doesn't really love me. He is breaking my heart, because I love him so much, but if he doesn't love me, then it is no good, and I don't want to see him again, because when he says he loves me, he is lying, and it hurts me too much. The money is not a lot of money to him. It is only a little bit. If he really loved me, then he would be glad that he was able to help me. The fact that he is not willing to help me is the proof that he doesn't really love me. Who would not help out a person they really loved? Anybody who loved another person would be happy that they could help the one they loved. So he can not love me, and he only talks about love, but does not really mean it. And I love him so much, how can he hurt me so much. He must be a very mean person, and does not love me at all!"
I did not understand any of this sort of thing then. Sometimes it still baffles me. Even though her logic seemed very upside down to my Western ways of thinking about love and money, after I thought about it for a while, it did make sense in that Eastern way of thinking. I do believe that she really was sincere, and we were both a bit drunk when she told me this, and asked nothing of me, and was not trying to get my sympathy, or get me interested in her, as her best friend was my GF. She had no reason to lie to me, since I didn't know her BF, and never would know him. She was fighting back the tears when she told me her sad story of what she saw as her tale of "unrequited love." But his letters made complete sense to me, as a Westerner, when I read them, and he noted that he had already sent her money for a number of other things.
So it seems that for many TGs, they do not understand how we can separate love from money. That way of thinking just seems like a load of "bullshit" to them. The way they see it, it is a clear case of "Talk is cheap," and "Put your money where your mouth is!" and "Money talks, bullshit walks!" Those are all expressions that I grew up with, and that seems to be the way they think. It is easy to speak words of love, because talk is cheap. When you back up the talk with hard cash, then they know it is real. But how do we know if they are being real? That is the problem.
JayBee
