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The total amount of time I’ve lived in Thailand is about 10 years and the pattern of trips I’ve made has been an advantage as I’ve been able to better appreciate the many changes in the country over the past 30+ years. My time away from Thailand has also provided the advantage that I haven’t become so enamored or bored with the place that I either wish to live there permanently or never wish to return. I think this option has provided a perspective on the country that has allowed me to appreciate it more, while at the same time moderating the incredible emotions and frustrations that everyone I know who has ever lived in the country for a stint of more than one year (sometimes far less), has reached. Also remember that Thailand has changed quite a bit since I first arrived, especially the liberalization of attitudes about dating, relationships, and getting to know members of the opposite sex. Today it is MUCH easier to meet and date Thai women, so if today’s attitude about dating were present in the late 70s & early 80s, perhaps I would have married a Thai, on the other hand, even though I would have met many more women or at least gotten to know them better, the issues I discuss below could have easily resulted in the same situation as today.
As you read the remainder of my statement, remember that I like Thailand and the people; I also don’t buy into the idea that Thai men are no good, that they are poor husbands, or that they don’t care about their wives and families. The vast majority of married Thai men I’ve known care deeply about their wives and families, and would never allow themselves to be distracted by a female to the detriment of their family, unlike many, many Westerners. Also note that my familiarity with the country is NOT based on the nightlife of the country. I had lived in the country for over three years before I ever had a drink at a bar in a farang nightlife area, and while I’ve met many Thai women over the years, before 1988 I had talked to less than 5 women who to my knowledge had ever worked in the sex industry. My introduction to Thailand then is definitely not from a tourist or sex enthusiast perspective.
I’ve met dozens of regular Thai women over the years and I’ve had a ‘handful’ of Thai girlfriends; it was one or more of the five factors below that kept appearing when I would become serious about a long-term relationship which would ultimately result in our break up. While most of these factors are not exclusive to Thai-farang relationships, I believe that they are more common to Thai-non-Thai (especially farang) relationships and so my thoughts may provide some degree of insight about the different ways that our two cultures see the world. The order in which these factors are listed is based on the size of the problem they became in my relationships, but none of them singularly resulted in the demise of the relationship.
Note that I am not saying that the practices noted below are not found in western culture, they are, but they are far more prevalent in Thai society and to a degree that I have found to be incompatible with my interests in a spouse.
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