[DREW]

We've all been there. Although I would like to add a few;

1 In order to free yourself and fly the bar, promise you walking ATM, a night of unbridaled passion, explaining that you are equipped and able to perform any perverse sexual act he may deisre, from swallowing his 'salty fish paste' to being tied up and taking it up the ass whilst he photographs you. Then upon returning to his humble abode, demand the money up front and secrete it about your person. Then fain illness, a bout a recurring Malaria will work on most ATM's. If he demands that you satisfy him, then explain you are 'bleeding today'. This should stave of any attacks on No1 hole. If the ATM asks you use No 2 or No3 holes, explain that the antibiotics are not working yet and you still have, hepititas, VD, genital warts. If this fails tell him you have HIV but will return once it has cleared up. Then beat a speedy retreat. It should be noted that you will be unable to work at your bar tomorrow, as the ATM will return seeking a re-match. However once intoxicated, the ATM will seek locate another 'withdrawer' for his bank, and forget about you. You may spend your withdrawl and return to work the next day.

2 should you find yourself short of baht, have no fear the walking ATM will provide for you. Simply loiter outside the 7 Eleven at the end of Bangla road between the hours of 2-4am. You must then select a totally intoxicated ATM (its usually best to find ones that are unable to walk or speak properly) then offer to take them home and give them a good '**** suck' (don't offer this free as it may arouse suspician in the ATM). Quote a fee of 400 baht, which will be enough to land the un-suspecting ATM. Accoumpany him to his hotel asking the Tuk Tuk driver to wait for you. Once inside immediately remove the ATM clothing, ensureing it has no time to transfer it's cash supply to it's cousin, the In Room Safe. Once naked place the ATM face down on the bed and proceed to massage the ATM until it is motionless. Then empty the pockets of its cash supply and exit via the Tuk Tuk waiting outside. You must then transfer the cash supply to a close friend, in order to avaoid its detection when the walking ATM arrives with the Police at the address on you ID, which you left behind reception. Inform you Policeman (in Thai- never speak in the ATM's own laguage) that the ATM was drunk and malfunctioning, attempting to enter all your No3 hole and beating you before you left without payment (this sometimes produces an un-expected bonus. As the Policeman may order the ATM to make one more deposit)



Memories..................can't wait to get back