I was at Thai class today. After the usual lessons in grammar and conversation, the lovely Khun Pum took the last twenty minutes of class to give us a lesson in Thai culture/manners. What she said was quite incredible.
She explained the concept of "grengjai" or "grayngjai." What it means, IIUC, is that you are never to be an imposition on others. Therefore, you must never accept their hospitality without, at the very least, first making an effort to decline whatever you are offered.
So, if you go to someone else's home, and they offer you a drink or something to eat, you must always refuse the offer. You say to them, "grengjai" which means no, I don't wish to be an imposition on you, or "grengjai jung leuii" which means "No, really, I really, really feel that it would be wrong of me to impose myself upon you to that extent."
Now is where it gets really weird. If you say, in effect, "No I couldn't possibly, etc.", then that means that yes, of course, you would like what they offered you. If you really are serious and don't want something to eat(for example), then you can't ever say, "No, I don't want it." If you don't want it, then you have to say, "Oh, I just ate a big meal, couldn't possibly eat another bite." In other words, you can never say NO. If you want to say no, then you have to make up an excuse, so that it is not that you don't want it(you must want it, you have no choice), but it is that you are unable to accept, even though you really wish you were able to. You have to be a liar, manners demands it, adn it would be unspeakably rude and barbaric to just say what you really mean.
This sort of mentality carries over to situations, such as, when you ask a BGl to go with you, and she says, "Oh, I can't. I' waiting for my BF," but no BF ever arrives, or "Oh, I can't! I'm feeling a bit ill." But then she leaves 20 minutes later with the next guy, who asks to BF her.
Sometimes, I thought, these girls are such liars, why don't they just tell the truth. Now I don't feel quite so bad. They don't tell the truth, because they are unable to. It is prohibited in their culture!! They are just trying to be very proper and polite to you.
To us, the lying is just adding insult to injury, because they don't have enough repsect for you tp just say the truth, but would rather insult you by lying to you, instead of respectfully declining your offer. To them, to tell you the truth, would be unspeakably rude!
JayBee
