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#141
03-08-2008, 08:32
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Quote:
http://wap.gezz.net/tones/BennyHillTheme.mid 
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#142
03-08-2008, 19:32
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Hmm, Im still recovering from the ordeal of having to eat my Issan Barbeque with Denver Van Gogh sitting opposite and dripping blood from his ear ....kept ordering all my meat 'rare' for some reason....
__________________
Memory...a side affect of being sober...
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#144
05-08-2008, 06:32
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Ahh yes, 'Gym Girl' reminds me of a girl swimming almost every day in the expat pool a few years back., young,long black hair, slim figure ,single[as she told me] driving a motorcycle, and owning a shop of some sort
the good old days! 
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#145
05-08-2008, 08:26
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Quote:
Love your posts mate, keep it up
__________________
Life is short! Forgive quickly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably
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#146
10-08-2008, 01:19
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Quote:
Had a run in with some Australian lads staying here at the 'Club' the other night. The falling in the jacuzzi and being pulled off.....sorry 'out' by a BG.....was something else! They, the 'Aussie bikers' had been about ten days, hired 4 Harleys, all different colours and fantastic machines. It must have been thier last night as it kicked off quite early with thier 'boogie box' of "I come from a Land Down-under" type music and about ten BG's from various bars, about four of which winked and waved to me, as they do when they've been back to yours before! Cough! The biggest annoying, really pee's me off, steam out of the ears thing is that these guys had obviously saved up thier 10 Baht coins and were having the BG's dive down to the deepest part of the pool to retrieve them. Lots of belly laughs and half drowned, non-swimming BG's. They were treating them like bloody trained seals for a laugh and I thought it time I left at that point. Interested to hear your thoughts on this. Why not just give the coins to the girls, when you've had a skinful of beer and all that! Etc Etc Etc. Anyway, it was early, I headed to the Beergarden and had a meal and a chin-wag with Dodge and Duncs and then we headed to some other bar for a nightcap and Dodge dropped me at the 'Club' and.....The 'pool' party was in full swing. I could see several bottles at the bottom of the pool and then I got a phone call from one of the older female farang residents who lives right next to the pool (Ground floor) if I could help out. I'd only just watched Chuck Doris the night before (Columbian one) and thought I could smash thier knees with my testicles and then go for thier fists with my chin, failing that my eye sockets. I fisted my keys (Beirut one, where he has rockets on his motorbike) and remembered thier Harleys and my Flattner!!!! No........Too easy. Perhaps if I attacked thier rather big foreheads with my squishy nose, it might just make them think again about messing with Chuck 'D'oris! I walked over and as I did about seven pairs of curtain 'twitchers' opened thier doors and joined me at the side of the pool! Why had they waited for me to wander in? The lads got the message that the concensus of those living at the 'Club' who were weilding chains and clubs with nails in them would rather they fcuked off back to thier looms, did the deed with the BG's and then said "Soyanara Baby" in the morning back to Vegamites Ville. I got in the pool, I wasn't worried about getting my money wet, Dodger had spent it all. Retrieved the bottles and passed them to someone to put in the bin. It was then that I spied a likkle wikkle, glimmering, 10 baht coin in the deep end!!!! Yeah! Like that was going to be there!
__________________
 "Tiger Daft!"
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#147
10-08-2008, 08:20
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Quote:
Its not that much different than ping pong balls chucked for tips in an agogo really but then I dont much like that either..
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A closed mouth gathers no feet !!
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#148
10-08-2008, 11:18
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It's good to see all that expensive military training coming to the fore.......... "if in doubt, call for reinforcements!"
Way to go Denpar!!!!
__________________
Here for a good time, not a long time!!!
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#149
10-08-2008, 16:55
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I am guessing it wasn't malicious, I reckon they thought it was harmless fun and I am guessing they had been drinking all day anyway. The girls came away with a few baht in coins of the realm and hopefully some of the folding stuff later on. I guess it was the laughter from these blokes that pee'd me off, can't imagine the sheilas back home going for it.........then again, they do in Rochdale for 50p's and also the fact that none of the girls could really swim all that well, no problem holding thier breath and making their mouths water-tight!
Visa, I'm nearly 47, there were 4 x 30 year old, fit and healthy bikers with offensive moustaches. I might have had a go 15 years or so back but I remember what it feels like eating corn on the cob with nooooooooooooo Fcukin' teeth! Anyway, in celebration of fighting.........Cough.......them off, the next night I treated myself to a beautiful new girl in the village to come along and savour a jacuzzi with the fat Lancastrian......................Foooooookin' Disaster.
__________________
"Tiger Daft!"
Last edited by Denver; 10-08-2008 at 17:00.
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#150
10-08-2008, 17:53
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Sorry if you got the impression I was having a go at your valour Denpar.
I actually think it would be the right thing to do ( as I'm now 51, with NO military training, and what few teeth I have left, I would like to keep!!) What I didn't say very well, was that it was good to hear that others living at the Club come out to back you up!!! It doesn't always happen!!! They must like you for some reason!!!
__________________
Here for a good time, not a long time!!!
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#151
10-08-2008, 19:21
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Nothing to do with liking him, he is the only one big enough, for them all to hide behind if things got rough!!!!! He on the other hand was wearing his 20bht polish camoflage shirt and at the first sign of danger, would freeze into a silf like pose and then defty merge into the undergrowth, never to be seen again, well until he got bit by the ants and had to take it off exposing his milky white skin, only to once again merge with the whitewashed walls of the club!!
__________________
If I havn't done it already, then i'm gunna do it today.
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#152
11-08-2008, 00:58
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Quote:
we threw 10k baht in coins into the pool at Wet Willy's the girls didnt seem to mind it hell, the waitresses jumped in
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#153
11-08-2008, 06:29
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Quote:
__________________
 ....but of course I was verey verey draaank at the taaame!!!
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#154
11-08-2008, 16:19
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Denpar's Home Guard
"
 Who do you think you are kidding Mr Aussie "I had flash backs of the Dad's Army series.  Denver leading the advance and all those oldies emerging from their shadowy rooms to fall in.
__________________
 If you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined up!!!   I don't know if I am a Satanist or a Stalinist
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#155
11-08-2008, 18:49
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Quote:
Pity nobody came out to rescue me when I fell in the jacuzzi! B'stards. I had arranged for a girly to come round to 'Chez Denpah' that evening and she usually arrives at around 2am wiping her chin etc etc. Anyway, it must have been slow at the bar and/or the boss had gone home early as she came round bang on Midnight. I had prepared the ambience, a tin of pringles and two Spry.......with glasses! Nice little touch there eh? I'd used my last candle during the recent power cut and forgot to buy another one. Anyway, I got her to carry everything we may need down to the jacuzzi, towels, condoms, bottles, glasses, pringles etc while I checked the superglue on my flip-flops was dry. It was, so I can't blame them for me coming unstuck! I had my work cut out starting the jacuzzi, I had to bend almost in half and pressed the switch. Job done. The bubbles started to.........ermmm.......Bubble! She was down to her high heels, black bra and red panties.........let's call them a........Bikini for the sake of the story. I don't remember much of what happened next, I held her hand as she delicately took the step into the bubbling, frothy waters and sat on the ledge with her back against the bubbly thing! I took one delicate step and went ar5e over tit, grabbing for fresh air and hit the opposite side of the not very softly tiled jacuzzi with the fleshy armpit area of my rib cage on my left hand side. I remember being able to hear her giggling as I winced and screamed under the water! She was actually pointing and giggling when I emerged! She helped me out of the jacuzzi while she sipped on her Spry. I needed to get back to the apartment up a huge flight of seven stairs. I think I said 'fcuk' on each one and she just giggled more. I managed to get on the bed and she joined me. I think she got the message that the usual seven or eight.....cough......hours of passion I usually give her wasn't on the cards tonight. Maybe a bit of telly and BJ. She was asleep by 2am, tissue in hand and I paced the house trying to breath whilst smoking a ciggie. I'm still in pain, not broken anything but it is badly bruised now. Chemist gave me Nurofen! I went to another chemist and bought Ibobrufen I was weaned on that in the Army, you can hammer nails through your own testicles on that stuff.........Not recommended though. I can actually sleep a little with 2 of the little pink bombers. I'll give her a re-dial in a couple more days and we can try again, this time though, I am draining the water out of the jacuzzi and we are just going to have a picnic in it, oh! Maybe a bonk as well...........Who cares what the bloody neighbours think! They owe me.
__________________
"Tiger Daft!"
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#157
11-08-2008, 20:09
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I don't remember much of what happened next, I held her hand as she delicately took the step into the bubbling, frothy waters and sat on the ledge with her back against the bubbly thing! I took one delicate step and went ar5e over tit, grabbing for fresh air and hit the opposite side of the not very softly tiled jacuzzi with the fleshy armpit area of my rib cage on my left hand side. I remember being able to hear her giggling as I winced and screamed under the water! She was actually pointing and giggling when I emerged!
She helped me out of the jacuzzi while she sipped on her Spry. I needed to get back to the apartment up a huge flight of seven stairs. I think I said 'fcuk' on each one and she just giggled more. I'll give her a re-dial in a couple more days and we can try again, this time though, I am draining the water out of the jacuzzi and we are just going to have a picnic in it, oh! Maybe a bonk as well...........Who cares what the bloody neighbours think! They owe me.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]  You fcuking funny b$stard Denpha... I think i just woke up half me street from laughing so loud....I would have paid thousands to see that man..... I can just picture it.... Good luck when round 2 comes along mate.... and watch your step....55555
__________________
Life is short! Forgive quickly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably
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#159
11-08-2008, 20:54
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Quote:
That other big writer Ernest Hemingway would use those words.
__________________
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers. (Universal Declaration of Human Rights)
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#160
11-08-2008, 21:04
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Could this have been approximately 12.37 AM? They reported a minor earth tremor here at that time?
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#162
12-08-2008, 11:04
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Velcro's the way ahead. One side on the flip flops the other laid down as carpetting everywhere. Reg has apparently ordered a tanker to re-fill the pool.
__________________
If you want peace, prepare for war 
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#163
12-08-2008, 16:22
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New Olympic sport event
Denver wins gold in the Olympic Jacuzzi Diving Event.
Buy a tube of that Counterpain Cool Heat rub (same sort of stuff as Deep Heat).I used it when I banged my leg up and it helped ease the bruising.Get well soon.
__________________
If you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined up!!! I don't know if I am a Satanist or a Stalinist
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#164
13-08-2008, 17:32
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Quote:
They usually only hurt when you laugh..555555 Did i ever tell you i had a 12 inch penis..... but don`t use it as a rule?
__________________
 Live Fast.........
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#165
13-08-2008, 18:36
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Quote:
Pity that your body has become immune to it.
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#167
16-08-2008, 01:17
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Quote:
 Please advise.
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#168
16-08-2008, 05:05
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Have you gone to the dark side Denver ?? LOl . Love your posting by the way makes my day every time in read one thanks Hope to catch you when i am over next
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#169
16-08-2008, 06:41
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Update: Ladies working at all bars in proximity (very close proximity!) to The Club are now wearing blow up floaty thingys after 1am in case they get The Phone Call....
The one wearing the blow up Panda floaty really made me laugh!
__________________
Memory...a side affect of being sober...
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#170
16-08-2008, 23:00
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Quote:
Some of you, I know, have met the 'Lurker' - The 'Lurker' has done a Paul Daniels and disappeared. Rumour has it back to her village to catch up with her Son, a Son, that I only found out she had, about a week before she vamoosed. Anyway, she spent sometime working at Maydens Bar and at the time (Fcuk! I've just set fire to my ashtray! Two secs.................*) *Could only find some orange squash in the fridge but it seems to have done the trick and masked the smoky smell with a tang of oranges! Sweet! ....and at the time another girl worked there called Ta. Now I was told that if I was to even slightly glance with the teensiest weensiest part of my left or right eye in her general direction my family jewels would be served to me in my next glass of draft Chang........which is a bargain at 40 baht between 4-7PM................With or without your own testicles floating in there. She was 'off-limits' Not to be touched. The 'Forbidden Fruit' - Which is like a red rag to yer Uncle Denpah! Anyway, once I knew the coast was clear by ringing her ex-employer 'Mrs Haircut' who is a bit old but has a very nice body and if you tell her, she will hold it against you and cut your hair if she really likes you! I decided to skoot down to Maydens, looking over my shoulder all the way there and check out 'Ta' - Buy her a drinky or three and whisk her off to 7-11 heaven on the way to the 'Club' on the back of the flattner. It wasn't to be. She wasn't there! My testicles deflated immediately. They often inflate at the potential of being cut off, however, the Doctor said I will get over it. I sank a few Changs and not seeing anything else I fancied headed down the road a bit to Broomsticks. The girl I wanted to see there had also fcuked off back oop North! I may be a little at fault here, the last time I bought deoderant I got the womens stuff and I am not so sure it's as strong as the blokes stuff. So maybe I smell a bit! I order a Tiger and watch a bit of rugby and flirt with Pa, as you do! Then in walks May, owner of Maysden, with her entourage of followers including the slightly effeminate Thai bloke who prunes the flowers and blows up all the balloons at the bar. "mmmmmmmmmmmmmm" me thinks, maybe he knows where Ta has gone! Worth a try. "Excuse me Slightly mincing bloke" I say in my bestest Thai. "Do you know where Ta has gone?" He shakes his head. "You don't know?" "Not know Ta!" OK, OK I think I may have said it wrong! Holding my nose and speaking from the throat I say "Taaaaaa" He shakes his head again! Tuuuuu - Teeeeee - Toooooo - Tuuueeeaaaaeeuurrrre! Nope! Not much luck! The he says "Oh! You mean Ta!"........................FFS! It sounded exactly how I said it the first time!!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh! Yes, Yes "Where she working now?"................."I not know!" Anyway, I drink up and head to the Beergarden. I am sat at the bar having a draught Tiger this time, I like to mix my drinks up a bit. When a vaugly familiar face appears with my frosty mug and a beer mat! I look down at the laminated card around her neck and it says 'Tar' - Well Fcuk me! Well I never and proceeded to fall off my bar stool. I bought her a drinky or two (Not three, too expensive in the Beergarden and the BF is 500 Baht) I decided a plan of action that I would stay the additional 20 minutes or so until she knocked off work and escort her all the way to 'Chez Denpar' and find out why the 'Lurker' said I couldn't look! She changed and she waved goodbye to her mates while I loitered outside keeping a watchful eye out for 'you know who' just in case. We walked back to mine hand in hand but didn't have much of a conversation as I was looking over my shoulder too much! I switched my phone off just in case 'you know who' was having dreams about me up in Ratachanmiddleonowhere and admittedly enjoyed my taste of the 'forbidden fruit' The next day, I was driving past the Beergarden towards the Beach Road and could see Tar in the bar with a bunch of the girls huddled around her and she was holding her hands like a fisherman would hold his hands when he is showing someone how big a fish he caught! I'm not sure what she was showing them, or just how big it was supposed to be. A few of the girls fainted and some just giggled, went red............Then fainted. Tch! It was as my eyes returned to the road a Pineapple decided to commit suicide and jump off the Pineapple sellers Emporium table and roll into the road in front of me!!! I took immediate avoidance techniques learned in places like Cairo, Paris, Ho Chi Mihn and Rochdale and took a right hand swerve............Which is just as well, I might add, as it was right then that some numpty Thai bloke with a bloody huge surf board strapped to his bike pulled out from behind the Pineapple Emporium without even looking in my general direction and like in the clown and big wooden plank scene at the circus I would have been side-swiped off the flatnner and into the ditch at the side of the road......Probably to never be seen again! Sooooooooo! Yes, a taste of the forbidden fruit, well three, OK, OK two and a bit until the cialis wore off actually, if you want all the gory detail and she didn't taste of Pineapples either. Kamala Tribune Headline today read: 'Kamikaze Pineapple saves Fat Farangs life!' Brilliant!
__________________
"Tiger Daft!"
Last edited by Denver; 16-08-2008 at 23:06.
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#171
17-08-2008, 00:58
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Quote:
__________________
You don´t know how it is, before you´ve tried it
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#172
17-08-2008, 15:02
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For valour
Denver - did you reward the Pineapple and it owner for such a supreme sacrifice??
__________________
If you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined up!!! I don't know if I am a Satanist or a Stalinist
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#173
18-08-2008, 05:52
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Today I have been mainly annoyed with a Farang who thought he was the dogs pods at speaking Thai!
Twunt......Which is Thai for..............Twunt.
__________________
"Tiger Daft!"
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#175
18-08-2008, 16:25
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Ice
Quote:
I only use ice in my drinks - and sometimes to sit on!!
__________________
If you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined up!!! I don't know if I am a Satanist or a Stalinist
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