This is a discussion on Coupla days in the life of Denpar within the Expats forums, part of the PHUKET category; this is one of the funniest reads I've had in a long time - lucky I'm at work lah (part ...
this is one of the funniest reads I've had in a long time - lucky I'm at work lah (part of the Singlish I am picking up...)
I will be staying in Karon later in October so might have to pop up to see me mate MC just to find out if all that I/we read is really true ....... or only a small part of the truth .....55555555555555555
ps - hope the guppy's will still be alive ....????
Cannons to the left of them, cannons to the right, cannons to the front ......... and a bloody great pile of shite behind
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Its all TRUE!!!Originally Posted by les1999
this is one of the funniest reads I've had in a long time - lucky I'm at work lah (part of the Singlish I am picking up...)
I will be staying in Karon later in October so might have to pop up to see me mate MC just to find out if all that I/we read is really true ....... or only a small part of the truth .....55555555555555555
ps - hope the guppy's will still be alive ....????
Denpah really has got a bit of flip flop stuck to his hand....
But the guppies have been replaced by Catfish as Catfish handle neglect a lot more philosophically. Dunno how he and Dodge are gonna get em out of the wine flagons but....
PS Dodger is spreading a nasty rumour that I had a sleep-over in Patong the other night and thats NOT TRUE..............didnt sleep at all!!
Memory...a side effect of being sober.....
Today I have mainly been cleaning up the blood in the kitchen and trying to fix my Denpa sized rip in the fly screen that mysteriously appeared during the night after I woke up fully dressed with a slice of toast stuck to my forehead.
"Tiger Daft!"
Check the toaster , there's probably a flip-flop stuck in there !!!!
Gotta be better than Cheese Possessed Slices though- they are 'rubbery'.
Tired of arrogant sphincters
Who said processed chesse was rubbery, Mr Wong your next door neighbour???
If I havn't done it already, then i'm gunna do it today.
Today I mainly shaved a quarter inch chunk out of my right earlobe.
Much Blood, Much Blood.
today I'll be mostly eatin'........turnips
....but of course I was verey verey draaank!!!
Friends,Romans....
Friends,Romans,Kamalians ....Lend me your ear!!
So funny....nothing better than the another episode of the life and times..or is it as the stomach turns...No worries plenty more exciting bits to come to the big screen soon enough.
I really enjoyed the flipflop episode, it one ups the guy that stepped on a pop top....way to go D.
J.K. Livin
Heywood
Yes, I was in such a rush to get out I nearly cut the thing off! As you get old you do tend to get more 'unwanted' loose cannon hair growing out from your head at very strange angles. Eyebrows, nose, ears etc..........Well, I do!Friends,Romans,Kamalians ....Lend me your ear!!
I was having a quick flick over of the old chops and spied a straggler on my right bit of bacon. I aimed the razor using the mirror and forgot the reverse angle trajectory reflection factor and sliced through the lobe bit and gave a incy tincy wince like a big girl.
Then the blood started! Half a toilet roll later and it is still pouring down my cheek and I am meeting Dodge, MC and the gang in about ten. I found a sticky plaster in my "Box of all things that might eventually be useful" and stuck it on, missing the bleeding cut bit as I had tried to stick it on while looking in the mirror..................Again!
Anyway, I needed beer and decided to wait for my lift to Patong at Bamboo Bar where a girl served me with a Tiger and I noticed she had a small plaster just under her bottom lip! Ha Haaaaaaaaa! A new peircing thinks I!
"You hab new peircing?" I ask in my bestest Thai! As I point to the plaster under her lip and gently touch my still bleeding ear and look at the claret on my fingers. She gives me the 'Special' BG vacant look, says "I not know how you say" and shouts over to her mate playing pool.
A few words are exchanged while she looks at me and then her mate shouts back at me across the bar.................
...............ZIT!
That's when Mai Chob turned up!
That's how it started with Vincent. Scientific name is Delirium Vangoghiensis.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers. (Universal Declaration of Human Rights)
This thread has been
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
I prefer
I like that other guy - The Osprey.
55555555 a very funny read Mr D!!!!!!
Life is short! Forgive quickly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably
Today, I have mainly been confused by the quite 'tall' lady that now doesn't work at Mountain View!!!
I think it's sorted out now. 232 texts later and a flying visit to her new bar (It's her day off and she wasn't there! Doh!) I had been to her old bar and bumped into an old flame who asked who I was looking for! "Ermmmm Just looking!".............Sharp exit! Open that clutch Baby!
Eventually arrived at 10:30 and she left at 2 to go "Dancing with my Friends" at Chang. Whatever.
Anyway, I'm up 500 Baht up as it was only ST (I'd budgeted for LT) so I can go out and buy bread and jam tomollow, maybe a tin of beans! Sod the expense.
Life is good.
she likes bread and butter.....I like toast and jam
That reminded me I needed bread Nels and that I had some peanut butter (Crunchy) which I had lost the top off about a month ago while making a sandwich after severalteen tigers and had formed an even Crunchier crusty crust bit on the top and needed using up before it went off!
I decided to kill 3 birds with one stone and do everything I needed to do in my current favourite 50 meters. 50 Meters bordered by Apple Tree bar to the left and the 7-11 on the corner to the right.
I had put a deposit down last night on another bullet takrut with 'Amulet Man' who plys his trinkets from the restaurant next to Apple Tree bar, then proceed to the bread emporium.
Much bartering later (I managed to get him to throw in the chain for free!) I spied a cute young lady eating at said eatery and said hello. We exchanged a few laughs, she explaining that she had just got back from 5 hours (5 Hours!!!) at Patong Gym (and it showed) and me explaining back to her that I hadn't! Then she said she liked Pom Poi men, KerrrChing! That's when I ordered a full-leaded coke and proceeded to pop two sugars into the bottle!
Amulet Man grabbed me and said "She no hab boyfriend velly nice she" or something like that. I smelt the waft of my favourite MMG and decided sod the Peanut butter I'm ordering that and did While 'Gym Girl' stroked my tummy..s! I'm good like that, let them if they want to, tell them it's lucky etc.
At this point a 'certain' girl at Apple Tree bar was giving me the 'evil eye' treatment through the sparse bushes that seperate these two establishments. Then my phone rang and it was the cashier at Apple Tree reminding me that I owed her a drink and that she knew I was talking to 'Gym Girl' next door!
My MMG arrived and I ordered another full fat coke to be on the safe side. It was delicious as usual and so was the company. I still needed smokes so made my excuses and set off to the 7-11 some 40 meters away. Before I had got 5 meters I was joined by 'Certain' girl and the cashier from Apple Tree and on passing Geckos was also joined by Pa and Aum from that establishment who I had been chatting to the previous night. All I needed now was the Benny Hill theme tune, for all of us to walk at double speed and for a bald man appear for me to pat on the head in a comedy way!
I managed to lose them at cosmetics (They were buying, not me!) got my L&M Dang and headed back to 'Gym Girl' and listened to the "Tuts" as the Apple Tree girls headed slowly past me and back to the bar.
We exchanged numbers and I made an excuse of having to be up early as I had no power..............in my motorbike and erm.......had to be at the garage very early etc!! I had actually been to Angels for a very special massage this afternoon and really, really had no power for this girl who spends bloody 5 hours at a time in a gym!
All in all a good night. I pee'd off several girls, had a yummy MMG, got a new phone number, will have peanut butter on toast (After I pick the ants out of it) for breakfast at about 2 this afternoon. Then ring 'Gym Girl' and ask if she is all sweaty and things, if not, why not and tell her I can make her all sweaty and hot if she wants..................I've a ton of ironing!
Last edited by Denver; 03-08-2008 at 05:14.
Where is Dodge when you need him !!
(and a step ladder)
A closed mouth gathers no feet !!
Sure that's All
http://wap.gezz.net/tones/BennyHillTheme.mid
Hmm, Im still recovering from the ordeal of having to eat my Issan Barbeque with Denver Van Gogh sitting opposite and dripping blood from his ear ....kept ordering all my meat 'rare' for some reason....
Memory...a side effect of being sober.....
Today I have mainly been recovering from being a little stiff this morning and it was nothing to do with 20mg's of Cialis.
Ahh yes, 'Gym Girl' reminds me of a girl swimming almost every day in the expat pool a few years back., young,long black hair, slim figure ,single[as she told me] driving a motorcycle, and owning a shop of some sort
the good old days!
Mr D have you any photos of this gym lady you speak of???? Your not like Mai Chob as well are you? 5555555 sorry deano....... I do my best to picture these girls in my head but a photo would be handy if it not too much trouble... if it is ill keep imagining....5555
Love your posts mate, keep it up
Life is short! Forgive quickly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably
No sorry LULT, I've been back 27 times now to the restaraunt and eaten the MMG (Masa Man Gai) and sipped several cokes with extra sugar but no sign of her! Prolly found some rich wannabee Italian lethario at the gym and is bonking his brains out as I type.............Booooooooooooooooo Hooooooooooooooooo!
Had a run in with some Australian lads staying here at the 'Club' the other night. The falling in the jacuzzi and being pulled off.....sorry 'out' by a BG.....was something else!
They, the 'Aussie bikers' had been about ten days, hired 4 Harleys, all different colours and fantastic machines. It must have been thier last night as it kicked off quite early with thier 'boogie box' of "I come from a Land Down-under" type music and about ten BG's from various bars, about four of which winked and waved to me, as they do when they've been back to yours before! Cough!
The biggest annoying, really pee's me off, steam out of the ears thing is that these guys had obviously saved up thier 10 Baht coins and were having the BG's dive down to the deepest part of the pool to retrieve them. Lots of belly laughs and half drowned, non-swimming BG's. They were treating them like bloody trained seals for a laugh and I thought it time I left at that point. Interested to hear your thoughts on this. Why not just give the coins to the girls, when you've had a skinful of beer and all that! Etc Etc Etc.
Anyway, it was early, I headed to the Beergarden and had a meal and a chin-wag with Dodge and Duncs and then we headed to some other bar for a nightcap and Dodge dropped me at the 'Club' and.....The 'pool' party was in full swing.
I could see several bottles at the bottom of the pool and then I got a phone call from one of the older female farang residents who lives right next to the pool (Ground floor) if I could help out. I'd only just watched Chuck Doris the night before (Columbian one) and thought I could smash thier knees with my testicles and then go for thier fists with my chin, failing that my eye sockets. I fisted my keys (Beirut one, where he has rockets on his motorbike) and remembered thier Harleys and my Flattner!!!! No........Too easy. Perhaps if I attacked thier rather big foreheads with my squishy nose, it might just make them think again about messing with Chuck 'D'oris!
I walked over and as I did about seven pairs of curtain 'twitchers' opened thier doors and joined me at the side of the pool! Why had they waited for me to wander in? The lads got the message that the concensus of those living at the 'Club' who were weilding chains and clubs with nails in them would rather they fcuked off back to thier looms, did the deed with the BG's and then said "Soyanara Baby" in the morning back to Vegamites Ville.
I got in the pool, I wasn't worried about getting my money wet, Dodger had spent it all. Retrieved the bottles and passed them to someone to put in the bin.
It was then that I spied a likkle wikkle, glimmering, 10 baht coin in the deep end!!!!
Yeah! Like that was going to be there!
Would entirely depend on if its a game all are playing or if its being done with malice.. Judging by your reaction it sounds like the latter but hard to know..
Its not that much different than ping pong balls chucked for tips in an agogo really but then I dont much like that either..
A closed mouth gathers no feet !!
It's good to see all that expensive military training coming to the fore.......... "if in doubt, call for reinforcements!"
Way to go Denpar!!!!
Here for a good time, not a long time!!!
I am guessing it wasn't malicious, I reckon they thought it was harmless fun and I am guessing they had been drinking all day anyway. The girls came away with a few baht in coins of the realm and hopefully some of the folding stuff later on. I guess it was the laughter from these blokes that pee'd me off, can't imagine the sheilas back home going for it.........then again, they do in Rochdale for 50p's and also the fact that none of the girls could really swim all that well, no problem holding thier breath and making their mouths water-tight!
Visa, I'm nearly 47, there were 4 x 30 year old, fit and healthy bikers with offensive moustaches. I might have had a go 15 years or so back but I remember what it feels like eating corn on the cob with nooooooooooooo Fcukin' teeth!
Anyway, in celebration of fighting.........Cough.......them off, the next night I treated myself to a beautiful new girl in the village to come along and savour a jacuzzi with the fat Lancastrian......................Foooooookin' Disaster.
Last edited by Denver; 10-08-2008 at 17:00.
Sorry if you got the impression I was having a go at your valour Denpar.
I actually think it would be the right thing to do ( as I'm now 51, with NO military training, and what few teeth I have left, I would like to keep!!)
What I didn't say very well, was that it was good to hear that others living at the Club come out to back you up!!!
It doesn't always happen!!!
They must like you for some reason!!!
Here for a good time, not a long time!!!
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