Phuket

Denver · #1 28-02-2006, 16:58

They may not be the Place to post this and by all means if the Moderators see fit to move it to idle chit chat then I'm good with that.

I have just spent the most frightening 48 hours of my recent life! Bullets 'n' Bombs! Keep 'em..............I'm talking Boll0cks! (So no change there then I hear some of you say!)

Two days ago I was taking a shower and giving the old wedding tackle a good scrub when I noticed that my right testicle was as hard as a rock and had moved right up to my abdomen. I felt around a bit more as a cold shiver ran down my spine and being 45 and a smoker obviously thought the worse.

I sat on my bed (yes, I had a ciggie!) and had another feel. It was really starting to ache now. I mentioned it to a few of the lads and the usual boll0ck jokes started to flow and I felt really great!!! "We need to get you to a doctor!" our medic says. There's a curfew on the streets of Baghdad! Anyway, body armour on, helmet on, into the three armoured vehicles, through the deserted streets and into the 'Green Zone' to the Hospital.

Never having been before and now in a bit of pain, I stumbled around looking for a Doctor, a young US Captain saw me and helped me to where I needed to be. He was a Doctor! "Drop your drawers" he says. The tannoy goes off shouting "Incoming casualties - 5 Minutes - Helipad one - Multiple Gunshot wounds" I am stood with my trollies around my ankles, nadgers out, while half the hospital mobilises to recieve some shot up Marines from the North. He quickly tells me it isn't a 'Torsion' as I would be unconsious now and he would be cutting my balls off! Nice! and that he had to go as he was the On-Duty Surgeon.

If find somewhere to sleep on the floor and have a pretty awful night, not as bad as the lads who had been ambused. At 0700 I am seen again. My boll0cks are pulled this way and that. I have a testicular ultra-sound and epididymitis (Infection of the epididdy stringy-thing) is diagnosed. I am given pain-killers, anti-biotics. Apparently, I am out of the age group for a Cancer, 20-35 and there is no pain with the cancer, just a lump on the testicle!

Anyway, just letting you know chaps! I'm back in the office, the right ball is humming away down there, hurting like a b1tch......BUT I still have the little bugger! The medication will kick in soon.

So Fellas, check yourself, if you do find something, get to the Doctors, it might not be what you think it is and if you act quickly, they are going to deal with it for you.

Thanks for reading. Stay safe out there...................I need a drink!

Talbotman · #2 28-02-2006, 17:03

glad to hear it was not the big c Denver sometimes it pays to be a little older 55555555 i am 45 past the age for testicular cancer as well now all we have to worry about is prostrate cancer (well not for a few years yet)

H3X · #3 28-02-2006, 17:17

Denver

glad its not that serious.... but somehow I still think u would have post in your usual humour even if you did have something serious..... Something like....

Never having been before and now in a bit of pain, I stumbled around looking for a Doctor, a young US Captain saw me and helped me to where I needed to be. He was a Doctor! "Drop your drawers" he says. The tannoy goes off shouting "Incoming casualties - 5 Minutes - Helipad one - Multiple Gunshot wounds" I am stood with my trollies around my ankles, nadgers out, while half the hospital mobilises to recieve some shot up Marines from the North. He quickly tells me its a 'Torsion' and he has to cut my balls off immediately... the good news is they are sending me to Patong via medivac for some R+R

Hello hansummmm man... 100 baht for photo....

BOB

Crustasian · #4 28-02-2006, 17:24

Glad you are ok and still fit for your next visit to Patong Beach.

Mav · #5 28-02-2006, 17:27

Bloat, also known as torsion, gastric torsion, and gastric dilatation-volvulus (GDV) is a medical condition in which the stomach becomes overstretched by excessive gas content. The distortion of the stomach constricts the oesophagus, preventing the gas from escaping. The condition occurs most commonly in domesticated animals, especially dogs and cattle. In dogs, it occurs most commonly in large-chested breeds, such as Great Danes, Airedales, and boxers.

Here Denver....here boy, here boy.

LivinLOS · #6 28-02-2006, 19:59

I check my nuts on a regular basis... Might go and give em another check right now..

Dingo's · #7 28-02-2006, 20:07

Good to hear everything is ok Denver and the old boys are still going to have plenty of use.....

Denver · #8 28-02-2006, 20:36

Thanks Fellas and Mav (Woof Woof) 555555555

Joking apart, it is a big deal and we all need to keep a check on the old meat and two veg. We all make fun of it but I tell you.............Did I bloody panic?

We all like our sex, we talk enough about it on here. I just wanted to re-live my experience and like most blokes, I just wanted it to go away, not see the doctor, do it tomorrow, wait another day etc etc..............DON'T

Check the bloody things and check them regularly. You know what they should feel like. We all say it will never happen to me, same here. I'm glad now I went, glad it is being treated, I do want to enjoy my next trip to the LOS packing both barrels instead of going off half c0ck! 555555555

Thanks for the responses. You know it makes sense in your heart of hearts. Hey, I am only thinking of you....................Because I loves ya! 5555555

Do I feel good today? OH Yes!

Oggy · #9 28-02-2006, 20:39

Denver,
just sent you PM. Good luck mate.

Denver · #10 28-02-2006, 20:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oggy

Denver,
just sent you PM. Good luck mate.

Oggy,

Just answered it mate, great PM and thanks for your help, advice and support. Nice one. Cheers Oggy.

Mr Floatplane · #11 28-02-2006, 21:47

Among the casualties in Baghdad
There shuffled a rather pitiful lad
Denvers balls had grown heavy and tight,
But the nurse said “they’ll be all right, if I suck ‘en all night.”
She pulled on his stick, and that did the trick
- Only he shoot such a load that Bush proposed
Denvers Ball bags and **** were weapons of mass destruction.

jimholio · #12 28-02-2006, 22:34

I did a while ago, thought it was chlamydia but turned out it wasnt. Had pretty much the same symptoms and it came together with a quite severe cold. So thought it may be bitesticular inflammation or something like that after being realy stupid and reading about all the wierd shit it could be on internet. They did the normal check, but also ordered a ultra sound checkup too since i was in the age you normally get testikular cancer. All the symptoms went away about a week after i got rid of the cold and fever. But i never been so nervous about anything ever before.

odysseus · #13 28-02-2006, 22:37

thanks D for sharing your experience with us. good luck with the treatment.

I worked as the co-ordinator of a mens health project recently where we delivered an 'MOT' health check for guys in leisure centres/libraries/community centres/workplaces etc - anywhere, in fact where we could target men.

We checked BMI(body mass index), body fat%, blood pressure, cholesterol and blood glucose levels. We also gave advice on diet and exercise, smoking cessation, safe alcohol usage, self-examination for testicular cancer and other cancers affecting men and any other issues that were presented such as mental health, bereavement, divorce and family break-up etc.

The overall response was terrific and ran contrary to popular belief that men aren't interested in their health - we most certainly can and do respond if the subject is presented in an imaginative way.

Well done for your speedy reaction to a terrifying situation, we all need to take personal responsibility for on-going and regular checks

Odysseus

LivinLOS · #14 28-02-2006, 22:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by odysseus

we most certainly can and do respond if the subject is presented in an imaginative way.

What down the boozer on darts night ???

steve@thaib · #15 28-02-2006, 22:53

You have my sympathy Denver.

I had a hernia a few years back which manifested itself as a screaming pain in my nuts. Off to the doc (woman

) who had me drop my keks and pull my tackle around. She promptly diagnosed a trapped nerve in my back (totally missing my insides making an agonising break for the outside)

3 months of shuffling around, stooped up like an old man and unable to sit in comfort, I went back for a second opinion and was whipped in pronto with a hernia. I have never had my nether regions be so interesting to so many people. They even brought a group of students around and asked me to cough while they all looked at my groin and made that mechanics whistling noise.

A pain in your nuts is scary, but dropping your keks to order is humiliation on a grand scale. I hope I die of something not nut related.

odysseus · #16 28-02-2006, 23:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

What down the boozer on darts night ???

believe it or not, we took the service to several pubs and shebeen type drinking dens - same same, the guys were great about it and quite a few would want to talk privately about the more 'personal' stuff. just a matter of gaining trust and using some imagination. Tended to be afternoon sessions of course, for obvious reasons

Odysseus

faultytowers · #17 01-03-2006, 01:00

What a load of old bollocks Denver !!!! .

Seriously ,you're right mate , if there's a problem , go and see a doc. If it's something minor they will sort it out , if it's serious , it best to get in early and get treatment started.

swiftdave · #18 01-03-2006, 02:19

A good friend of mine was diagnosed about 6 mos ago with cancer of the boys. It's been a rough haul, chemo and surgery. They think they got it all now but he's short a couple of close friends, on the bright side he's packing a pair of ping pong balls.

He's only 38 and the chemo really kicked the shit out of him. But he's back at poker night now and dropped 50 lbs or so.

dawsey · #19 01-03-2006, 03:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by swiftdave

A good friend of mine was diagnosed about 6 mos ago with cancer of the boys. It's been a rough haul, chemo and surgery. They think they got it all now but he's short a couple of close friends, on the bright side he's packing a pair of ping pong balls.

He's only 38 and the chemo really kicked the shit out of him. But he's back at poker night now and dropped 50 lbs or so.

A frightening time for you Denver. A real wake up call,and thankfully just an infection.
Hope you and the twins recover soon

nelsonone · #20 01-03-2006, 04:08

Hey D............hope the meds kick in real quick

Not a nice thought the old Big C.................even if only for a moment.....very scary

Mav · #21 01-03-2006, 07:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Denver

Joking apart, it is a big deal and we all need to keep a check on the old meat and two veg. We all make fun of it but I tell you.............Did I bloody panic?

Glad it was nothing serious D

I have heard that IJ gives himself a checkout in that area everynite and twice on Sundays.......to assist with this procedure he has some baby oil and an old towell close by

...hope he forgets about this by the next time l see him.

Red Bull · #22 01-03-2006, 08:31

Glad to hear you're ok D... well as ok as you can be until the meds kick in...

It's pretty unreal over there, the stuff you guys have to go through for everyday things. A trip to the hospital requiring a 3-car armed brigade... SCARY!

A few years back, a buddy of mine claims to have gone to the doc for a similar thing. He claims the docs answer was that he needed to 'get off' more often. So what does buddy do??? Goes out and starts doing my sister!!! ba$tard!!! 55555555

Denver · #23 02-03-2006, 04:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canadian Kiddo

Glad to hear you're ok D... well as ok as you can be until the meds kick in...

It's pretty unreal over there, the stuff you guys have to go through for everyday things. A trip to the hospital requiring a 3-car armed brigade... SCARY!

A few years back, a buddy of mine claims to have gone to the doc for a similar thing. He claims the docs answer was that he needed to 'get off' more often. So what does buddy do??? Goes out and starts doing my sister!!! ba$tard!!! 55555555

Nice one Kiddo 55555555555555 Is he still your buddy? My best mate in the Army married my Sister, they are still going 17 years later so there must be something there!

I was flicking through the tele channels here last night and found the freebie channel 'Spice Platinum' with all these fantastic Czech birds getting a good seeing to and the old fella didn't bat an eyelid!

Hope the anti-biotics kick in soon or......................A quick trip to the LOS is in order!