Guilt over BG

[visa2003]

I was wondering if some of the more experienced BMs could help me out on a problem I am having with a BG.
On my last tour, I spent 6 weeks with the same BG and we got on really well, but in no way did I think that I was in love or that I wanted to start a long-term relationship with her. Now that I am home, she rings and sends me SMS messages about how much she misses me. It did not take long for the request for money to come through and I told her, in no uncertain terms, that it was not going to happen. After 3 such explanations, she still sends me messages about how much she loves and misses me.
She said, when I met her, that she had only been in the game for 3 months (which did not really mean anything to me) and had never had many relationships of any kind.
The problem I have, is that I feel a bit guilty for giving her a taste of the good life, such as hotels, aircon, airplane travel and basically anything she wanted, and now she has to go back to her tiny, hot room and work in a bar.
I know that I do not owe her anything, as she got paid for every day that she was with me, but that does not stop me from FEELING that I owe her some thing.
How do you get over this?

[K2]

Visa2003 - if you don't really have feeling for the girl its better that you let her know so she can move on to the next guy (if she isnt already doing so) and you can move on without her interuptions.

If she is a BG - then you you are very unlikely to the the only one giving her a taste of the 'good life' - there will always be another punter along to pick up where you left off - what is worse is to maintain a pretence that there is a relationship potential there - when in fact it doesnt exist. I'm sure you will get told by other BM's to just see it a business and move on.

You are right in not owing her anything (unless you promised her things) - just drop the guilt and move on. Good Luck.

[IRISH JONNY]

COME ON BOYS.WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES......
SHES PROBABLY SENDING THE SAME SMS TO 10 GUYS HOPING THAT SHE CAN SNARE ONE OF THEM !!!!!!!!
ITS A PLOY ALL BGs USE..............
IJ

[shark1963]

Although i started a relationship with a tg its my opinion that you don´t have to feel guilty in any way and you dont have to give anything else as she already got it.Working as a bg means its a business deal,and i am sure she wouldn´t care about your feeling if it was you fallen in love and not her.But the difference would be in that case that she would take that chance to get the money out of your wallet.So same right for you,if you dont have any feelings for her,just break and move on.But of course after 6 weeks together with her, she will think you are in love for her, and she will try to make the deal perfect.Imho the only mistake you made has been to stay that long time together,you should have known what will follow after that time...did you forget the 3 days rule for butterfly´s???

[georgelondon]

as ij said...wake up and smell the roses...or even the coffee!!
you owe her NOTHING!!! dont be a dickhead. just look forward to your next trip!
best way to get over a bargirl?? get on top of another one...or behind...whatever

[dizbuster]

Originally Posted by visa2003

I was wondering if some of the more experienced BMs could help me out on a problem I am having with a BG.
On my last tour, I spent 6 weeks with the same BG and we got on really well, but in no way did I think that I was in love or that I wanted to start a long-term relationship with her. Now that I am home, she rings and sends me SMS messages about how much she misses me. It did not take long for the request for money to come through and I told her, in no uncertain terms, that it was not going to happen. After 3 such explanations, she still sends me messages about how much she loves and misses me.
She said, when I met her, that she had only been in the game for 3 months (which did not really mean anything to me) and had never had many relationships of any kind.
The problem I have, is that I feel a bit guilty for giving her a taste of the good life, such as hotels, aircon, airplane travel and basically anything she wanted, and now she has to go back to her tiny, hot room and work in a bar.
I know that I do not owe her anything, as she got paid for every day that she was with me, but that does not stop me from FEELING that I owe her some thing.
How do you get over this?

When you go back to LOS, do you want to link up with her again or not ? If not, then don't worry too much, but do the decent thing and tell her so, as K2 suggests.

If on the other hand you want to meet her again next time over there, then I suggest you maintain your stance with regards to sending money, i.e. "No" but look after her again, just like you have done on your recent visit. You have tried to look at it from her side I see but instead of thinking that you've spoiled her, look at it more that you have opened hers eyes a bit more to what goes on. Of course having seen amounts of money that she has probably only dreamed of before, she likes what she sees and wants more.

I think it's now down to you how you want this to progress if at all. By the sound of it, she would very much welcome seeing you again and if you are comfortable with her, then why not ?? Yes, she's almost certainly in it just for the money and will probably do anything to get it, but there's also plenty of fun to be had if you lay down the ground rules and stick to them. One rule being "don't fall in love" as this would change everything !!

Bottom line, she's getting money, you're having fun so why worry too much ?? Keep your level head and you'll have more fun trips to LOS in the future. .

Remember though, if she's now determined to ensnare a farang husband, whilst it may not be you, it may be someone else and you will find yourself in a situation that Talbotman did recently. If, like he, you're not looking for a lifetime partner, then just move on to the next one.

Good luck

[slinggalin]

The BM'ers are right. It happened to them, it happened to me, and now it's happened to you. And will probably happen every single time you visit especially if keep them lengths of time like that.

If you don't want the guilt then become a butterfly and spread your wings on your trips. That way neither one of you will get attached.....

[visa2003]

Thanks Guys!
I now understand that the biggest mistake I made was staying with the same girl for so long. I think I just got lazy, and could not be bothered training up a new one!!
You all made a good point, in that she chose to become a BG and so must accept the risks involved. Be they physical or emotional.
It won't be easy, but I will let her know that it is all over and that we can both get on with our butterflying!!

[Mephisto]

Originally Posted by visa2003

Thanks Guys!
I now understand that the biggest mistake I made was staying with the same girl for so long. [...]

I wouldn't be so hard with that. If you enjoy some "familiar" company instead of having to hunt every other night and the risk of ending up with a starfish, why not? On the other side some butterflying can be fun too!
The main thing is: "have fun"

[marc26]

Originally Posted by Mephisto

I wouldn't be so hard with that. If you enjoy some "familiar" company instead of having to hunt every other night and the risk of ending up with a starfish, why not? On the other side some butterflying can be fun too!
The main thing is: "have fun"

i agree with you but if its to the detriment of his trip then he might have to make a change
these girls have a way of hanging around and even know that you might be feelign a need for a change but stick through it until they beat you down
if this guy is like me, and likes to go out and drink with the boys i could see this bg giving him problems and being alot more territorial on his next visit

[vxdxm]

Happened to me too
On my first trip, one of the girls that i wanted to stay with me for a night offered to show me around the following day. I was really pleased, since it was my first visit and i did want a thai to show me the best places to shop at and to introduce me to the nightlife in general, ie good bars, restaurants etc. 2 days gone past and i have allready told her i was planning on going to phuket, she said she wanted to come too. Not something that i wanted to happen, and was planning on ditching her a day before i leave to phuket. But as it happened, she told me that she has fallen in love with me the moment she saw me. As it happened i did look a little bit like her ex farang boyfriend, i did see the picture and yes there were a few similarities. Stayed one night in her apartment, was introduced to some of her friends. She said she would never take a customer to her apartment, but she did take me cause she fell in love with me. I did not question it, and i did not fall in love with her. I did like her looks and personality, but love was never there, and i knew it would never happen. And i genuenly did think she loved me, she was 19 and i was 20, with a budged of 200 pounds a day of spending money .
Spent a few days in phuket, got back to bangkok. I have allready told her that i dont want a longterm girlfriend as i get bored real quick. I said it to maintain the safe distance between us, but she did call me her boyfriend from day 2. Back in bangkok, she offered me to take her friends ST, as she wanted me to be happy, knowing that i get bored with one girl very quick. I did take 5 of her friends ST on varies days, which i was happy about, as i did come to thailand to have an adventerous sex life. She did say that she cannot control her heart, that she loves me and cryed everytime i went ST with a girl. Bare in mind i was still paying her for the time she was staying with me. She did ask me to buy her gold on many occasions, but the price of gold put me off, therefore it was a no everytime she asked. At the end i did give her around B3000 a day, she stayed with me 7 days. She did try to get a bit more out of me, but i calmy explained that i consider 3000 to be very generous as i liked her alot, and i have not encountered any1 giving more than that to a girl that was in the same position as herself. Ofcourse i did pay for plain journy, hotels, meals, drinks, basicaly she did not spend a single baht while she was with me, and if her friends were around i was happy to pay for their food and drinks. Just to clearfy i was happy to spend money on her and her friends, as i did come to thailand to have a good, and i consider spending money is having a great time I didnt have any problems with people that sell things at stalls, dont rememeber haggling, as she did it all, i just payed the best prices. I was very thankfull that she did care how much i was paying for things, and always got me best prices. She even checked drink and food bills, told me the right amount to tip. She was a good person dont get me wrong, she made sure we did tip all the people that served us or took care of us. Oh yes i did give her, her money about 2 days in advance. Gave her just over B25000 for seven days 2 days before i was to board my plain. When i was moving money from the safe into my pocket, during hotel transfers, she said she has never seen 50pound notes. She then asked if i could pay her in UK money, i said you can have it now if u want, she said ok, i counted off her share and passed it over. Just to let you know she did not do a runner, and it has never crossed my mind that she would.
She did ask me for my telephone number, so she could call me and send me sms. But i did not pass it over, as i was not planning on seeing her on my next trip to thailand. I did give her my email address, and yes she does email me almost everyday, asking me when im coming back to thailand, that she cant wait to see me again and all the usual crap. I do reply to her emails, saying that i dont know when im coming back, maybe next year maybe in 10 years time, its hard to say. But i know i will be there for christmas and allready looking for a good deal on flights (any suggestions regarding that are more than welcome, as ive been quoted just over 700 pounds so far)
Do note that this is just a cropped version of my trip, as loads of things happened that i could write a book about. People i met, places i visited, things ive seen , and touched lol. This story is mainly concentrated on the girl ive stayed with, as i think it would fit this thread.

?What do u mean by starfish, when refering to a girl?

[dawsey]

Originally Posted by vxdxm

?What do u mean by starfish, when refering to a girl?

When the girl is unresponsive in bed,and just lays there

[landofsmiles]

>>for christmas and allready looking for a good deal on flights<<

You don't say what dates but you're unlikely to find anything much less than 700 on scheduled flights round Xmas time...667 with Kuwait A/W about the best I've seen.

There's the Charters from Gatwick and Manchester to Phuket on a monday with fares around 400 pound but even those will go up around Xmas. Cheap Package Holidays and Deals from MyTravel

[djmyst]

Happends all the time. The best ting is just to give away your thai number and then you don't get the same standard sms from all the girls you meet.

Not to be rude but had you send money to a girl you had pay for in your own contry??????

[Talbotman]

AS afew of the guys have already stated if you think she is nice looking and fun to be with then i guarantee you wont be alone in that opinion ! as i always knew and indeed had it proved to me recently when my long term g/f married a guy in denmark as georgelondon says dont get upset over a bg just move on and find a new model ITS A BUYERS MARKET

when i found myself in thailand without my g/f who was going to be everywhere with me instead of being downcast and sad i just became a butterfly for 17 days but to be honest it did not really appeal to me i much prefer to have same girl for whole of stay ie 1 girl in pattaya 1 girl in patong and maybe butterfly in bangers .

but one thing i have learned from my recent experience although i wish my ex gf well in her new life and am happy someone is going to take care of her i cant forget that i was sending money to her regularly so the lesson i have learned is never ever ever ever again will i send money to a b/g when i return to scotland.

[Bobby]

Just pur the ignore mode on and dont answer to her sms/e-mails.
It's part of the game so you don't have to be ashamed about that. It happened to all of us.

[JayBee]

Originally Posted by Talbotman

i cant forget that i was sending money to her regularly so the lesson i have learned is never ever ever ever again will i send money to a b/g when i return to scotland.

You think that you re paying to reserve her for when you get back there, but that isn't the way it works. TGs have many wonderful qualities, but loyalty and gratitude are not among them.

Originally Posted by Talbotman

if you think she is nice looking and fun to be with then i guarantee you wont be alone in that opinion

Ain't it the truth! It is like when you go crusin' the bars in Patong. The good ones always get snapped up first.

Some guys think that maybe if they pick a girl that is not as good-looking, then they won't have the same problems. Wrong! They are all cut from the same cloth, and even the ones who aren't as good-looking have their ways of attracting guys or they wouldn't have got you, would they?

I certainly can relate to the OP, because a year ago I pretty much could have written the same letter verbatim. I moved on, and it really didn't take me long to get over the guilt. Whenever I was feeling it, I would think of some of the tricks she played, and read some of her letters asking for money!!

Sometimes even when you are not in love with a girl, you can develop an attachment to her. We are only human. It is like when you were a kid, and brought in a stray dog, funny-looking, and your Mom says you will have to take it to the pound. But if the dog is around a few days, then pretty soon it starts looking so cute, looking at you with those big puppy eyes. If it is around for more than a couple days, then pretty soon it has won you over and your Mom, as well, and becomes your pet. It's a little like that with BGs, except for the part about your Mom, of course! But the big difference is that dogs don't ask you for money for every day or for gold. BGs do.

At the end of my last tour this year, the BG I finished my tour with was laying it on pretty thick. When she started to get to me, I would just stop and ask myself this question: "Would she feel that way, and say those sweet things to me, if I stopped giving her 1500 Baht per day?" That fixed my problem about falling for her sweet talk every time!

[vxdxm]

In my opinion if u want a long term girlfriend, then you are better off checking out girls that work at beer gardens, i dont mean freelancers but the ones that rack the balls up at the pool tables and serve drinks. Its even easier if you visit a particular places on regular basis, then u get to see how the girl acts around customers, ie how flirty she is and all that. Most of the ones ive seen, are there just to do their job and havent witnessed them make any plans with customers after the bar closes. Haven't tryed it myself as i was there for a short period of time, and the only reason i am saying this is because there was a girl that i liked at a beergarden, and i was keeping an eye on her pretty face , then i started wondering how to spend a night with her. Didnt think a straight forward approach with an offer of 2000B for ST will do the trick. Unfortinatly i didnt even get to speak to her, as i was with the other girl that was staying with me. And didnt think she would approve, the thought of getting the girl(that was staying with me) to ask the bar girl if she would like to spend some intimate time with me, has crossed my mind. But i never did , there will always be the next time.
girls at food stalls are also approachable, especially if sit at the table right next to the stall, and yes you have to be on your own. But once again i think they gotta like u too. I was planning on going to thailand on the 22/12/06 and coming back on the 03/01/07. Want to spend 2 days at Bangkok, and then spend the rest of time in Pattaya, everygirl i met said Pattaya no good. Trying to put me off lol, they dont like it cause girls charge less there, isnt that right?

[marc26]

Originally Posted by vxdxm

In my opinion if u want a long term girlfriend, then you are better off checking out girls that work at beer gardens, i dont mean freelancers but the ones that rack the balls up at the pool tables and serve drinks. Its even easier if you visit a particular places on regular basis, then u get to see how the girl acts around customers, ie how flirty she is and all that. Most of the ones ive seen, are there just to do their job and havent witnessed them make any plans with customers after the bar closes. Haven't tryed it myself as i was there for a short period of time, and the only reason i am saying this is because there was a girl that i liked at a beergarden, and i was keeping an eye on her pretty face , then i started wondering how to spend a night with her. Didnt think a straight forward approach with an offer of 2000B for ST will do the trick. Unfortinatly i didnt even get to speak to her, as i was with the other girl that was staying with me. And didnt think she would approve, the thought of getting the girl(that was staying with me) to ask the bar girl if she would like to spend some intimate time with me, has crossed my mind. But i never did , there will always be the next time.
girls at food stalls are also approachable, especially if sit at the table right next to the stall, and yes you have to be on your own. But once again i think they gotta like u too. I was planning on going to thailand on the 22/12/06 and coming back on the 03/01/07. Want to spend 2 days at Bangkok, and then spend the rest of time in Pattaya, everygirl i met said Pattaya no good. Trying to put me off lol, they dont like it cause girls charge less there, isnt that right?

dude,
one thing you will learn is those waitresses and stall girls are not much different than a bg

[visa2003]

Just a quick update as the OP. I took the cowards way out and sent her an sms that she should find someone else and not contact me any more. Sure enough I have not heard a word from her. Feel a little guilty about that too but I am getting over it!!!!
Must have just been a case of POST LOS BLUES!!!

[JayBee]

Originally Posted by visa2003

Must have just been a case of POST LOS BLUES!!!

Yes. It is one of the typical symptoms.