bargirls "10" commandments:-)

[sting]

bargirls "10" commandments:-)
1. At the end of the week, specifically Friday and Saturday, many locally employed walking ATM machines will come to your bar, choose carefully! Some have money, but others do not! If he is wearing a suit and tie, check that the tie is not a Pratunam special and check that he isn't wearing trainers.
If he is, forget him because he is most likely an English teacher, and they will only give you peanuts, if they give you anything at all.

2. No matter how fat and ugly he is, no matter how bad he may smell, no matter how drunk he is, make sure you always tell him he is handsome. Sit close to him and run your hands over his body, arousing him.
As soon as he has paid the bar fine, you can stand clear of him. Even if he knows that you despise him, he'll still pay you. The hard part is getting him to pay the bar, and as soon as he has done that, the rest is easy.

3. Start collecting email addresses from all of your customers, once you have a good collection of addresses, a visit to your local Internet cafe is in order. Send everyone an email. Simply change the name on each email and send it off to all the guys. If you can remember something specific about them, mention that in the email too.
These walking ATMs all have a soft heart, so you need to tell them a story to get them to send you some of their riches. Start with a sick buffalo and if he doesn't reply, next tell him that your mother is ill. As a last resort, if he still doesn't send any money, tell him you are pregnant and the baby is his!

4. Practice crying on cue. It is essential that you can produce tears immediately. This will have the effect of helping the walking ATM machine to see things your way!

5. When you get a customer for an extended period of time, make sure he takes you shopping, with Rarn Tong (gold shop) being the best place to visit. Make sure he buys you gold and if he doesn't, see rule 4!
As soon as he has left Thailand, take the gold back to the shop and sell it straight back to them, thus increasing your pay out.

6. When locally based farangs are inside the bars, do not speak in Thai with your friends in the bar but rather use Lao, Khmer or any other dialects that you may know.
It's bad enough that some of them can speak and even read Thai, but Lao and Khmer should be kept as sacrosanct. Under no circumstances should the farang be taught our regional dialects.

7. Always see him off at the airport. Thai currency cannot be used in his country, so it is highly likely that he will give you all of his leftover Baht as he leaves and says goodbye.
While accompanying him to the airport, prevent him buying going-away gifts for his family and friends in his homeland, this will leave more money for you.

8. See Asian customers. They understand that we like to gamble, and they understand that we have lots of unemployed brothers and sisters who need to eat. Therefore, they pay a lot better than the farangs.

9. Remember, when you go with a farang, you must always ask for taxi money and give him the excuse that taxi drivers cannot give change on big notes. Don't let him see the small change in your wallet. If taxi money isn't forthcoming, see rule 4.

10. If you are no longer making money in Bangkok, move down to Phuket where you will be able to start making money again. Give Phuket a few years, then move on to Pattaya. Even if you are approaching 50, it is no problem as the walking ATM machines in Pattaya seem to be so blind, they will not notice.

It is with great regret that I have to acknowledge the source of this idea, Bernard Trink - Bangkok Post. As I have re-written it in English though, this acknowledgement is added as a courtesy as he probably stole the idea anyway!

[DREW]

We've all been there. Although I would like to add a few;

1 In order to free yourself and fly the bar, promise you walking ATM, a night of unbridaled passion, explaining that you are equipped and able to perform any perverse sexual act he may deisre, from swallowing his 'salty fish paste' to being tied up and taking it up the ass whilst he photographs you. Then upon returning to his humble abode, demand the money up front and secrete it about your person. Then fain illness, a bout a recurring Malaria will work on most ATM's. If he demands that you satisfy him, then explain you are 'bleeding today'. This should stave of any attacks on No1 hole. If the ATM asks you use No 2 or No3 holes, explain that the antibiotics are not working yet and you still have, hepititas, VD, genital warts. If this fails tell him you have HIV but will return once it has cleared up. Then beat a speedy retreat. It should be noted that you will be unable to work at your bar tomorrow, as the ATM will return seeking a re-match. However once intoxicated, the ATM will seek locate another 'withdrawer' for his bank, and forget about you. You may spend your withdrawl and return to work the next day.

2 should you find yourself short of baht, have no fear the walking ATM will provide for you. Simply loiter outside the 7 Eleven at the end of Bangla road between the hours of 2-4am. You must then select a totally intoxicated ATM (its usually best to find ones that are unable to walk or speak properly) then offer to take them home and give them a good '**** suck' (don't offer this free as it may arouse suspician in the ATM). Quote a fee of 400 baht, which will be enough to land the un-suspecting ATM. Accoumpany him to his hotel asking the Tuk Tuk driver to wait for you. Once inside immediately remove the ATM clothing, ensureing it has no time to transfer it's cash supply to it's cousin, the In Room Safe. Once naked place the ATM face down on the bed and proceed to massage the ATM until it is motionless. Then empty the pockets of its cash supply and exit via the Tuk Tuk waiting outside. You must then transfer the cash supply to a close friend, in order to avaoid its detection when the walking ATM arrives with the Police at the address on you ID, which you left behind reception. Inform you Policeman (in Thai- never speak in the ATM's own laguage) that the ATM was drunk and malfunctioning, attempting to enter all your No3 hole and beating you before you left without payment (this sometimes produces an un-expected bonus. As the Policeman may order the ATM to make one more deposit)



Memories..................can't wait to get back

[DREW]

Taken from page 7:p