Is there a problem with a farang-Thai/Asiangirl relationship ?

[domifletch]

Hi,

On Nanaplaza.com, I find this thread about relationships between farangs and BG's ... Little bit long, but intresting.


"This already comes as a bit of a bigoted heading, but it has to be that way 'cos it's different with a farang-Thai girl and a say, Malaysian-Thai girl relationship, but of course some similarities may occur. Anyway, **** it, I'll just say what I have to say without trying to justify myself all the time. Oops, ****.. not too academic, that word. Must be my "western" education. hahahaha
To try to understand how a Thai/Asian girl and her family would see a farang as a partner/husband etc, one must firstly address how their culture views farangs, and whether they distinguish between different types of farangs (Americans, English, etc). Failure to try to see this means failure to work out how your future relatives will see you. And no Asian girl will be serious about a man if she cannot bring him back with pride to her family/relatives.
Most modern-generation Asians only know of farangs as per their experiences with TV-shows/newspapers/magazines (farangs are brave, rich, kiss a lot, never faithful, all the stupid Hollywood stereotypes) or from personal experience (chances are, only those working with multinational companies or tourists). The personal-experience types... how many in the multinational companies actually "know" the farangs well enough to understand them? And those in the tourist industry invariably see the sex-tourists etc, etc... still not enough to really understand.
And none of these modern-generation Asians would be joining newsgroups etc, etc trying to find out the psyche of the farang... only those living/studying in Western countries might have an idea, but you can see how, invariably, the farang is a totally un-understood creature to the younger Thai/Asian.

The older generation Asians have a different perspective. Most Asian countries were, at some time or other, colonized by farangs. With the striking exception of Thailand.. no foreign country has invaded/dominated the Thais in known history (someone please correct me if I am wrong here)

The older Thais thus have almost no idea what a farang is like, except again via TV/news and word from the local "grapevine", i.e. relatives who tell tales of meeting farangs or someone who has been to farang-land. There is a strong distinction here, in that the younger generation are less influenced by the stories, but the older generation really believe the grapevine. The Thai grapevine again will contain Hollywood elements plus stories brought back from those with friends/relatives who experienced WorldWar2 (the farangs saved Asia from the Japanese), Vietnam/Indo-China etc (the farangs got thrashed), business (the farangs are rich) etc, etc.. all stereotypes.

Now, when a farang first meets a Thai or any Asian girl, WHERE he meets her and the circumstances is very important to her psyche. Meet her in a bar, you're pissed and she's naked opening Coca-Cola bottles, you barfine her, fall in love with her over a few months and it doesn't bother you but she'll never forget.
Why? Because she had to fundamentally change her psyche in order to become the bargirl in the first place, and now you're asking her to change her psyche once again, because you're asking her to believe you're a different person from what she thought you were when she first met you. (remember she thought all farangs in the bars were sex-tourists, etc)

What Psyche in bargirls? Here it is pertinent to address the fundamental difference between a bargirl and a "non-sex-industry" girl. Of course, we all know that the girls invariably start in this industry out of sheer necessity, a whole ton of reasons mostly concerned with poverty and the family's finances etc, etc.. no need to go into this, but once a girl has decided she will go into the "trade", she can't just do it, she has to resolve to do it... change her psychological build-up, her psyche.
All over Asia (lest anyone thinks it is a purely Thai thing), girls sometimes choose to go into this trade for the same complex reasons.
But let no-one assume that the pagoda-fearing, superstitious, naive village girl is going to be able to stand naked in front of a couple of drunk foreigners/locals and then proceed to suck the daylights out of the one who pays for her... it takes some time and a LOT of commitment for her to do it. Sometimes alcohol and drugs become crutches for them to achieve this, but fundamentally, the girl has to RESOLVE that she is going to make MONEY for her family/herself whatever.
Her friends/mamasan or mentor will teach her how to do her job, and give her all the tips she needs to survive in the business. First rule is MAKE MONEY. That's what she's doing this for. She'll be embarrassed/shy/humiliated in the beginning but she'll MAKE MONEY, that's what she's doing it for.

Mamasan and friends will tell her to block out all thoughts of village morals etc, etc because she'll only get upset, she's now got to make money. oops, forgot the caps, she's got to MAKE MONEY.

All over the world, when people do a job they don't really like they justify it. And the basic reason is to MAKE MONEY.

So now the girl has blocked out many a thought and many a moral, and she's in the trade to make money. She's a good girl, unlike a few and won't lift cash from your wallet, but she knows she's there to make money (bet you were expecting the CAPITALS, see, the psych-trick is working) so she'll ask you for the ladies drinks, short-times, tuk-tuk money and tips etc...

I should now differentiate with the non-"trade" girl but I think better I complete my points 'bout the bargirl, nothing new to say really there but need to complete it.

Anyway, the bargirl who has properly psyched herself for her profession can, like the rest of us, do her work and take the bad days and good days as being all in a day's work. If she meets fun people, gets barfined and treated nicely, tipped etc, she can have a good time too..

Now, every of these girls' peers will have stories of how this and that girl got so much of $ from this or that farang and how... so they are again reminded that they must MAKE MONEY... preferably lots of it. That begins to explain why they say they won't let you "butterfly" even if you only took them back 2 times ... and they are incredibly affectionate and loving from the earlier stages of knowing them... you are a commodity, and good business people never kill the goose that lays the golden eggs.
Which is often fine for the men, too, for who doesn't like being loved by a sexy, gentle creature who does great things in bed?

But every once in a while, either/both partners begins to want to develop a stronger/firmer relationship, which is where the problems begin.

The farang is often totally committed into wanting to develop the relationship, he has no hang-ups about her past and accepts her for what she is, and to hell with what any friend/relative might say.

Yet the girl often can't make the same commitment. It is not for lack of goodness, but just the enormity of the change she is being asked to make, which the poor farang has no clue of. He thinks he is giving her love, security, and a future.

So what's the problem for the girl? Well, firstly, is she now being told she's not going to MAKE MONEY? You offer her security... she has heard of divorces in the West but hasn't heard of settlements or doesn't believe a Thai village girl could get anything if her farang husband leaves her.
You offer her love but in Thailand no man is ever faithful to his wife... ask any Thai girl and they'll all tell you the same thing.
You offer her a future, but she already was making her future when you met her (past was as innocent village-girl, future was bargirl making money). What she sees is that you're asking her to venture into a future-future she cannot imagine or comprehend.

So, often, even if she likes you a lot, she's in total doubt about whether things will ever work out. So what can she do? She doesn't want to hurt you, so she'll stay with you. but she doesn't totally believe in a future with you so she still falls back to her MAKE MONEY routine... aunty sick in hospital, sister going to university, family home needs repair, father's gambling debt to pay... you know it, but you pay it and try not to read too much into it.

The problem isn't you, and it isn't her. You like/love her and she likes/loves you, but she just doesn't understand the kind of security you can offer her. it's beyond the Thai comprehension.
Now at this point you can offer her a house/car/bank account etc, etc... and you've lost her. Shit..whaaat / you gave her TOTAL SECURITY... so why have you lost her? Because you just bought her. Period. And that isn't what you should have done. (I will explain what I think should have been done later, assuming someone wants to read).
Sometimes, though, she really falls in love with you, and hard. Really hard. Now a woman in love is a woman no man can understand, but she gives her all to you if she falls in love with you really hard. Especially an Asian woman. She'll follow you to the end of the Earth. Nurse you when you're sick, even wipe your shit-stained **** when you're ill in bed. In such a situation she throws caution to the wind and follows you all the way, even against her family's objections if needed. Consider yourself lucky, and God-forbid you should just be playing with her feelings for if you break her heart, you'll be the example her entire village etc will use when they talk about farangs, but even if you loved her mightily and treated her right YOU'RE STILL PROBABLY DOING THE WRONG THING FOR HER, and before you get angry with me please read my section on "What the Asian girl really needs from the farang" which I am coming to when I reach there"

[mikegb]

Hi Dom,

Basically what that thread says is - Their heads are seriously being fcuked up.

Who fcuks their heads? - We do.

How do we do it? - By telling them we love them and really miss them when we are in Falangland ( I know they do it to us also, but WE usually mean it).

Have a read of the topic I write about Life, Ladyboys, and AIDS.