My TGF just asked for $$$$$ for her father

[LivinLOS]

The other thing is.. Fairly often, while living so hand to mouth, and having so little backup / emergency money they do have legit emergencies..

I have known girls have hospital bills for themselves and others, I have known them not be able to make rent, or be in some manner of real problem causing them real and serious distress.. Problems a western girlfriend would not have. The hard part is of course telling the difference between a real problem and a farang tax.. Very difficult and while long distance almost impossible.

In the past when I was more single and had multiple girls who were regulars instead of one girl live in, I would have female friends have problems, and in general I would help out.. And 9 times from 10 I actually got paid back.. The 1 from 10 I didnt was I assume the farang tax.

One girl used to often get stuck without her rent money, I would 'loan' her the 5 or 6k she needed.. And she would pay it back as and when she could.. Usually with some benefits / interest Another girl got pregnant and was having a hellish load of anguish over the parents reaction, the guy was a prick and wouldnt even offer to help with the costs of abortion or anything, just cut her off like a toy he was done with.. I offered to give her the money and if she could pay it fine but if not it was a gift (50 - 60k seemed like too much for her to imagine ever having to pay back) as she was a very special friend and I liked her a lot, in the end she decided to keep the child for moral reasons, but at least I was able to allow her that choice as a real choice.

These girls often have real problems, they often are awful at managing money, and sometimes you can help without being made a monkey out of.. Its just hard to work out where the line is..

[bayleaf]

Originally Posted by lokomotive2003

so I said no problems I would be able to help you with your rent and so on , like 10,000B not much here anyway and if she is happy than a smile is worth a much more....this morning she calls while I am late for work and says she needs to go and see her father on Monday (koh Khaen) and needs money , if I can send her money for monday ( she didnt say how much ) and I told her it is friday here all banks are shut and i need more time, but then she got more pushy and said I did not understand her and ...so on.

Maybe you need to ask HER how much she needs and how she will PAY IT BACK ?
If you can't talk to your lover who can you talk to? Put some responsibility back on her as at the moment she is treating you as the walking ATM.

Seems strange you were prepared to give her 10,000 Thb a month and happy with this then she asks for ??Thb to go see her father and you don't like it. As ever it's UP 2 U

[landofsmiles]

I was planning for her to come over here and organize a free mini holiday for her .

Not as easy as you probably think. Can take months of you proving to the British Embassy you have a relationship with her...her having to go for interviews...you proving you will financially support her and repatriate her to Thailand and after all that the visa can still get refused even for a holiday visit. I married a Thai out here and when I wanted to take her back to the UK her visa was refused even though we were married!

[Mr Lucky]

This girl's story obviously doesn't add up. So she's got another reason to want the money that she's not comfortable with telling you.

So she's shown already that she won't hesitate to lie to your face. A deal-breaker right there. If you go along this time, it will happen again and it will be much worse. Cut her loose.

Now, I disagree strongly with those who have said that all Thai girls eventually ask for money. It is not "part of the culture", unless you mean the bargirl culture.

One reason I knew my wife cared for me and truly saw a future with me, was that she always worked hard to save money - both hers and mine.

Later on, when we'd been living together a few months, there were times that she needed my help in sending money to the family upcountry. But at these times, she was obviously embarrassed and ashamed to ask for money, and my contribution was matched or exceeded by her.

Of course, in Thailand women can't earn as much as men, so men are expected to provide the majority of the support. But you have to know the difference between a GF in need and a girl who is just milking you dry.

Luckily, it's very easy to tell. How does she spend your money? When you suggest an expensive meal, does she scold you and say she'd rather eat from a street vendor? Or does she hint that none of her dresses are nice enough for a five-star restaurant and would you buy her a new one?

Bottom line: is she trying to save your money for a future together, or is she trying to spend it as fast as it comes out the ATM?

[Dodger]

[quote=Mr Lucky;329989]

Now, I disagree strongly with those who have said that all Thai girls eventually ask for money. It is not "part of the culture", unless you mean the bargirl culture.


Later on, when we'd been living together a few months, there were times that she needed my help in sending money to the family upcountry. But at these times, she was obviously embarrassed and ashamed to ask for money, and my contribution was matched or exceeded by her.

QUOTE]


Agree with everything you have said Mr Lucky, but just felt a little bit mischevious and want to point out a little contradiction in your post.

Even if I do understand what you mean, perhaps you should re-think your first few lines extracted above, it just needs 'dis' removed and everything is in order.

[Robaht]

Originally Posted by brit

Regards the latest request I'd guess what happened is that family caught wind of the cash injection and her new job (likely from her bragging about both herself) and dad has effectively responded with "great, now you can give us 10000 baht/buy me XXXX". She's in a situation now where she has to deliver or face disappointing the family and a massive loss of face, hence the need/request for "some" amount of money with no specific reason or amount given.

You should take note of both marc26 posts I think they are the best summary and advice you will see on the thread. It sounds like you are leaning towards a breakup however so I would just add in that case I don't think a "F*** off" to her would be a fair response - you are partially responsible for this situation by giving her certain expectations by your own actions. As has been said it is possible to recover from this but it involves figuring out what you want and then setting the boundaries.

I completely agree with Brit's post...very likely a loss of face somewhere, even if it is not with family but with friends.

Also, LivinLOS comment about the fact that these girls don't "date" well, priceless observation - very very true. Like a 2-speed fan, on or off. I might also add, once off it is nearly impossible to turn on again! (in my experience anyway)

Cheers, Robaht

[Drive]

Perhaps this may help YouTube - THAI WIFE STOLE 2,000,000 IN ONE YEAR

[LivinLOS]

Agree with everything you have said Mr Lucky, but just felt a little bit mischevious and want to point out a little contradiction in your post.

Even if I do understand what you mean, perhaps you should re-think your first few lines extracted above, it just needs 'dis' removed and everything is in order.

he he.. nasty Dodge nasty..

I spotted that too but thought (for once) hey its his wife but lets face it.. The money still got sent..

[geespot]

[quote=Dodger;330040]

Originally Posted by Mr Lucky

Now, I disagree strongly with those who have said that all Thai girls eventually ask for money. It is not "part of the culture", unless you mean the bargirl culture.


Later on, when we'd been living together a few months, there were times that she needed my help in sending money to the family upcountry. But at these times, she was obviously embarrassed and ashamed to ask for money, and my contribution was matched or exceeded by her.

QUOTE]


Agree with everything you have said Mr Lucky, but just felt a little bit mischevious and want to point out a little contradiction in your post.

Even if I do understand what you mean, perhaps you should re-think your first few lines extracted above, it just needs 'dis' removed and everything is in order.

Gotta laugh mannnn

The longer you stay Thailand the more your eyes are open and your brain instead of your c*ck is engaged

In my opinion Thailand is the ultimate wh*re nation. They will do anything for money, no matter whether BG or in good job

G

[Mr Lucky]

Originally Posted by Dodger

Agree with everything you have said Mr Lucky, but just felt a little bit mischevious and want to point out a little contradiction in your post.

Even if I do understand what you mean, perhaps you should re-think your first few lines extracted above, it just needs 'dis' removed and everything is in order.

Nice one, Dodger. I guess I should qualify. Not all Thai girls are gold-diggers.

But of course, all WIVES ask for money!

[shanghai]

Hi Loko
Sorry to read about your dilemma but i will just make a couple of points.
1. Brothers and fathers do usually put alot of pressure on daughters to provide funds, usually for booze or old motorbikes or something. If you hang around with this girl you will hear it all as she gets to know and trust you more.
2. You obviously like this girl alot. If you dont give her the money you will always wonder should I have gien it to her? was she genuinely in desperate need?
3. What she is probably looking for is not alot in sterling. I would suggest paying this time but then sort out the future.
4. Think of all the fun you had with her and put the few quid down to experience.

I look forward to seeing how this one ends up. I think most BM's encounter this at some stage in the LOS

Good Luck

[t0rn]

Originally Posted by Dodger

Don't send her a penny just yet .....

good post Dodger with a lot of good advice, but .... you're making a sh1te job of staying out of the relationship stuff.....

[Phil_in_Thai]

My ex bar-girl was a week long affair during which she asked for no money but made no secrets about liking me.

After I left she asked if she could do a computer course and would I pay. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and paid up. The course didnt happen...read on...

A few weeks later she had some family problem and I asked her if she needed help to go see her family. She said thanks but she still had the money I sent for the computer course that didnt happen.

Do bear in mind that without medical insurance and a family member you are dedicated to is sick then they will turn to any possible source for help. Maybe it not 'our way' but consider what you might do if it were your mum or dad.

My gf asked if I wanted her to stop bar work and I said yes. She asked if I would be prepared to help her while she found other work. I said yes.

A few weeks later I visit and find her room full of hand knitted scarves and hats.....She asks if they could be sold easily. Cost to make about 100 baht. They are well made and I reconed about 10 pound a piece back home. She has also found work in a supermarket. (5000 baht a month)

Moral of the story : I dont know. I took a chance and seem to be coming up trumps. She is not afraid of work and has kept to her word. Ive a lot more confidence in her now but still feel a little warey sometimes.

No matter what, unless you are a dedicated butterfly then they are going to cost you. Dont ever give more than you can afford.

I use Western Union sometimes. Its an expensive way to send money so open a bank account for her and transfer the money directly.

Good luck to you. Get the right one and she can make you very happy indeed. Get the wrong one and she will break you.

[t0rn]

[quote=Phil_in_Thai;330181

I use Western Union sometimes. Its an expensive way to send money so open a bank account for her and transfer the money directly.

Good luck to you. Get the right one and she can make you very happy indeed. Get the wrong one and she will break you.[/QUOTE]

If you you WU then better to open your own ank account and use moneybookers.

[MrDK]

Originally Posted by Phil_in_Thai

I use Western Union sometimes. Its an expensive way to send money so open a bank account for her and transfer the money directly

Here is a cheap way to transfer money if you need to on a regular basis (or even more than once), but it requires a bit of homework (setup).

Open an account in your own name in the same bank you have your other account(s). Have the bank issue an ATM card (not a credit/debit card) with a PIN different than yours. Send/give her the card and let her know the PIN.

You can now transfer money from your account to this separate account. When you transfer funds it will be available in seconds.

Just make sure that this account is not tied to your own over-draft protection.

[jon4phuk]

Send her the money.
You are making an investment on a great time this next July.
You are probably the only person she knows that has money, so she asks you.

[MrDK]

Originally Posted by jon4phuk

Send her the money.
You are making an investment on a great time this next July.
You are probably the only person she knows that has money, so she asks you.

Strange rationale. I would hope that if he is sending money that he is doing more than just investing in a good time a few months the line....

[saigonblack]

Thats the culture of the country. Prepare for more calls like that to come.

[oneday]

Originally Posted by MrDK

Here is a cheap way to transfer money if you need to on a regular basis (or even more than once), but it requires a bit of homework (setup).

Open an account in your own name in the same bank you have your other account(s). Have the bank issue an ATM card (not a credit/debit card) with a PIN different than yours. Send/give her the card and let her know the PIN.

You can now transfer money from your account to this separate account. When you transfer funds it will be available in seconds.

Just make sure that this account is not tied to your own over-draft protection.

If I were in this situation this is exactly how I would do it. This way there is total control and it's quick and easy. I might not have thought of the DEBIT only and disconnect from overdraft. Good advice.

[Mr Lucky]

Originally Posted by MrDK

Open an account in your own name in the same bank you have your other account(s). Have the bank issue an ATM card (not a credit/debit card) with a PIN different than yours. Send/give her the card and let her know the PIN.

I thought this was a good idea too. But earlier this year I actually asked about this at my bank in the US....they said I couldn't do it as it was technically fraud for another person to use an ATM card that is in my name.

[MrDK]

Originally Posted by Mr Lucky

I thought this was a good idea too. But earlier this year I actually asked about this at my bank in the US....they said I couldn't do it as it was technically fraud for another person to use an ATM card that is in my name.

...and if you never file a complaint, who will ever know. Even then I doubt that it could ever go further than violating bank policy.

I took a look at my Amex and Visa cards, both state "Not Transferable". The ATM (only) card does not have that statement. Further, you do not use signatures for ATM cards so nothing is forged.

[billpay]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

Theres your big mistake.. Sorry to say but I reckon you dont really get these girls at all..

Let me guess, when you were together she made you feel like a million bucks, took care of you, etc.. To her your a millionaire (whether you are skint and on the dole thats what they think.. And they are not far wrong) you have the millionaires appeal.. Because you can change her life because of your earning potential.

This is Thailand.. Take the girl and receive the family (but not for free) its a package deal.

Hard to say if shes milking you like the villiage buffalow or if she does have a real problem that she needs help with, that would need much mroe info and sussing out.

I would say that 98% of these relationships ARE package deals. There comes a time in every relationship when you realize that you have to come up with the bucks and take care of the family, or say adios.....can't have it both ways It's not necessarily a bad thing, its just the way it is. You have to decide for yourself if she is worth it or not....only you know.....you are the one that has to make that decision.
(By the way Sef, what's up with the new avatar???....just doesn't seem like it is you making the post)