What would you do in this situation?

[easyrider_au]

Originally Posted by sishow

#



Hey you Gay!

How old are you! You should know better than this at your age! Lets hope for the best with you, cos you need it!

Will say you are alot older than I think you are. But still, don't fcuk your and her life about about due to your your 'love' experiences. Best of luck to both of you!

Hell yeah Im drunk!

A drunk post with no typo's.
I'm impressed Simon.

[The Loop]

Originally Posted by sishow

Hell yeah Im drunk!

Maybe it would be less typing if you let us know when you are sober Si.

[Soupdragon]

Originally Posted by NZ-Alstar

WTF!!! I can only assume that you have misinterpreted my last post...

This has been a situation I have found myself in, I am not doing this for "love experience", I am fully prepared to commit to this girl, but have the understanding and maturity to know that in order to do this the foundations have to be solid...

Not picking a fight here but what you have got involved in shows neither maturity or understanding. Sounds to me like you are building your castle in a swamp. Hope I am wrong and things work out for you and your maturity and understanding develop in a positive way.

[sishow]

Yes!

I have no memory of writing that sorry I apologise for any insults or offense caused!

But it is strange that I can write and spell drunk better than sober!

[ub2yoo]

Originally Posted by sishow

Yes!

I have no memory of writing that sorry I apologise for any insults or offense caused!

But it is strange that I can write and spell drunk better than sober!

Not quite, your post showed some editing action on your behalf 5555

[NZ-Alstar]

Originally Posted by Soupdragon

Not picking a fight here but what you have got involved in shows neither maturity or understanding. Sounds to me like you are building your castle in a swamp. Hope I am wrong and things work out for you and your maturity and understanding develop in a positive way.

Correct... but believe that within the context of taking things slow and not trying to pressure her into rushing into another partnership and building on our relationship starting with a mutual liking and friendship displays understanding and maturity.

Thanks for the feedback

[NZ-Alstar]

Originally Posted by sishow

Yes!

I have no memory of writing that sorry I apologise for any insults or offense caused!

But it is strange that I can write and spell drunk better than sober!

Thanks for the apology mate, I really appreciate it.

[ub2yoo]

Originally Posted by NZ-Alstar

Correct... but believe that within the context of taking things slow and not trying to pressure her into rushing into another partnership and building on our relationship starting with a mutual liking and friendship displays understanding and maturity.

Thanks for the feedback

I think so too, the very fact that you are discussing this, take advice and are quite open about it is a good thing IMO. Of cause a "run away as fast as you can" advise it good, but honestly, how many of us are able to do this when strong feelings are mixing up emotions?

[NZ-Alstar]

Originally Posted by ub2yoo

I think so too, the very fact that you are discussing this, take advice and are quite open about it is a good thing IMO. Of cause a "run away as fast as you can" advise it good, but honestly, how many of us are able to do this when strong feelings are mixing up emotions?

Thanks Ub2u.

To be honest at times I am stumbling along the way (selfishness can set in), but I am really trying to do the right thing by her.

[keith67]

Originally Posted by NZ-Alstar

Latest update: after more ups and downs on this white knuckled emotional roller coaster ride, she broke up with her BF last night and is going to move out of her current residence with him.(hopefully this is an indication of smoother sailing in the future).

However I am not confident that this decision is definitive as she has been understandably indecisive as of late. Even if this decision does fruition our relationship will be primarily based on friendship until/if we decide to make a more serious commitment to each other.

Whatever the outcome of this situation, I will avoid getting into this sort of situation again... This has been the most emotionally tiresome and trying time I have been through in a long time.

Originally Posted by NZ-Alstar

Thanks Ub2u.

To be honest at times I am stumbling along the way (selfishness can set in), but I am really trying to do the right thing by her.

Looking at the points i have highlighted in your 2 posts what i see is a pattern forming where you point out that on your part selfishness can set in and that you are trying to do the right thing by her, lets look at a different situation; she was having a relationship with you at the same time as her b/f and she couldn't decide who she wanted to be with, then she breaks up with you and her b/f she then starts to see you as a friend again.
Wow you sure are being selfish, and i am pleased to see that you are doing the right thing by her and by that i assume you are going to tell her to f**c off and stop p1ssing you about..........

[eur11]

Originally Posted by NZ-Alstar

She has not cheated on her current BF (depending on definition), and I do believe that the position that she is in is more due to situational circumstance as apposed to being behavior driven.

Anyway what do I know immersed in the bubble wearing my rose tinted glasses... 55555555

On the other hand, she was cheating on her ex-BF, at least, emotionally, because, what kind of woman who would go out for a dinner alone with a man she thinks as interested in her???

Assuming that her relship with the ex was actually fine, and that whatever problems they had could have actually been solved, should each of them put an effort(and not by escaping from the problem and looking for comfort in another man/woman:

She had TWO men lining and she was calculating which one offers most. Note that her situation was complex as she was (or is??) looking for a PR status in Australia to help her family.
Now that she has broken her relship with her ex, it will be you she will be judging. If you don't move fast, take control in this relship and let her know what you want to do, she might quickly find someone else that offers her the stability and security, more than what you do.

If you are sure her feelings for you are real and yours for her are real too, let her know that. Let her know what you want with her, clearly (ie.: "I like/love you much. I think we have a potential together as a couple. I think we could marry one day, and I want you to .... --> say what you wish from her!).

As others have said, Asian women love their men to take control. We like to be adored and spoilt, but we also like our men to say 'No, I do not want you to do that, or... stop, I do not want you to buy that'.

I copied nelsonone's post below, as I agree with him. Good luck with your relship with her

Originally Posted by nelsonone

therin lies your answer......you are being yanked like a chain.......asian gals will try this on and if you are weak they'll drop you like a hot paotato....you need to take back the chain...amke a decison one way or the other and stick to it!

[NZ-Alstar]

Originally Posted by wanttogobacknow

Looking at the points i have highlighted in your 2 posts what i see is a pattern forming where you point out that on your part selfishness can set in and that you are trying to do the right thing by her, lets look at a different situation; she was having a relationship with you at the same time as her b/f and she couldn't decide who she wanted to be with, then she breaks up with you and her b/f she then starts to see you as a friend again.
Wow you sure are being selfish, and i am pleased to see that you are doing the right thing by her and by that i assume you are going to tell her to f**c off and stop p1ssing you about..........

Thanks for the different perspective it's great to get feedback from people that are directly removed from the situation, as I realise my own bias... let me add a little more clarity.

You are correct with your deduction that she wants to start a relationship with me based on friendship ATM... this is her instigation as I have a tendency to rush matters of the heart. However stating this I can most certainly see the value in building a stable foundation. There are no guarantees that she will commit to me in the future, but I can already feel our connection to each other growing stronger, the fortification that she has placed around her heart is slowly crumbling.

My interpretation of her decision based on my own analysis of insider knowledge; is that her decision has been one greatly influenced by morale value. She does not want to make the mistake of committing to another until she is certain (has made the decision) that this is the person that she wants to be her life partner. This is constituted by a very traditional mother who has ingrained ideals of moral successes and failures within her. Her desire to please her mother and her mothers very critical views and expectations of her daughter not to embarrass her, are hard to understand with my western philosophy.

[keith67]

Originally Posted by NZ-Alstar

Thanks for the different perspective it's great to get feedback from people that are directly removed from the situation, as I realise my own bias... let me add a little more clarity.

You are correct with your deduction that she wants to start a relationship with me based on friendship ATM... this is her instigation as I have a tendency to rush matters of the heart. However stating this I can most certainly see the value in building a stable foundation. There are no guarantees that she will commit to me in the future, but I can already feel our connection to each other growing stronger, the fortification that she has placed around her heart is slowly crumbling.

My interpretation of her decision based on my own analysis of insider knowledge; is that her decision has been one greatly influenced by morale value. She does not want to make the mistake of committing to another until she is certain (has made the decision) that this is the person that she wants to be her life partner. This is constituted by a very traditional mother who has ingrained ideals of moral successes and failures within her. Her desire to please her mother and her mothers very critical views and expectations of her daughter not to embarrass her, are hard to understand with my western philosophy.

OK i understand your thoughts and your hopes but she wasn't concerned about moral succasses or embarrassing her mother or who was to be her life partner when she was seeing you and living with a b/f, my main point i surpose is it will always be your decision what you do and nobody can change that from the outside and based on your reports i myself and i think a few other BM's can see you are being played by a very clever lady who is using her mothers expectations to string you along.

I wish you the very best of luck as i think you will need it.

[NZ-Alstar]

Originally Posted by eur11

On the other hand, she was cheating on her ex-BF, at least, emotionally, because, what kind of woman who would go out for a dinner alone with a man she thinks as interested in her???

Assuming that her relship with the ex was actually fine, and that whatever problems they had could have actually been solved, should each of them put an effort(and not by escaping from the problem and looking for comfort in another man/woman:

She had TWO men lining and she was calculating which one offers most. Note that her situation was complex as she was (or is??) looking for a PR status in Australia to help her family.
Now that she has broken her relship with her ex, it will be you she will be judging. If you don't move fast, take control in this relship and let her know what you want to do, she might quickly find someone else that offers her the stability and security, more than what you do.

If you are sure her feelings for you are real and yours for her are real too, let her know that. Let her know what you want with her, clearly (ie.: "I like/love you much. I think we have a potential together as a couple. I think we could marry one day, and I want you to .... --> say what you wish from her!).

As others have said, Asian women love their men to take control. We like to be adored and spoilt, but we also like our men to say 'No, I do not want you to do that, or... stop, I do not want you to buy that'.

I copied nelsonone's post below, as I agree with him. Good luck with your relship with her

Thanks for the feedback eur11 it's great to get a female perspective.

Whilst I am sure they could have sorted out some of their problems, to use a crude analogy, I feel it would have been putting a bandage over the issues, as apposed to really addressing the "cause of the effect(problems)".

It appeared that it was more a relationship based on convenience, security, and companionship as apposed to a desire from both parties to truly want to share and enhance the experience of life with each other.

She is well aware of my feelings and desires towards her in regards to future commitment, i have been honest with her about this from the start. I have no problem with showing her how much I adore her and do spoil her when I get the chance (I believe that this is key to a successful relationship, and make her feel truly special when we are together).

I also agree with Nels, and have shown her an assertive side of my character at times. It is an important part of self respect to stand up for your own values/opinions, but also have the ability to appreciate others as well.

[NZ-Alstar]

Originally Posted by wanttogobacknow

OK i understand your thoughts and your hopes but she wasn't concerned about moral succasses or embarrassing her mother or who was to be her life partner when she was seeing you and living with a b/f, my main point i surpose is it will always be your decision what you do and nobody can change that from the outside and based on your reports i myself and i think a few other BM's can see you are being played by a very clever lady who is using her mothers expectations to string you along.

I wish you the very best of luck as i think you will need it.

Thank you for your honesty WTGBN, I really do appreciate the feedback.

Honestly I have a similar concern, but like Ub2u stated; it is hard to walk away when you are so emotionally invested.

Like I stated in a earlier post;

Originally Posted by NZ-Alstar

Role the dice, way up the risk, prepare for the worst, and hope for the best... no regrets.

I have already jumped...