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#1
25-11-2007, 18:28
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What would you do in this situation?
Although this is not related to LOS, the circumstances can be applied to any location.
I have enjoyed the company of one of my work subordinates for a number of months now (in fact i interviewed her for the position), although we never really shared a close working relationship, I developed a crush on her from the first moment I spoke with her in the assessment center, she basically meets all the criteria for my preconceived notion of the ideal partner. When she advised me that she had resigned last week, I ask to stay in contact. Since then she has been to my place on a number of occasions and I have also taken her out to dinner. I would like to report that things have been going really well, but it has been a roller coaster of a ride for the past week... did I neglect to mention that she has a BF that she lives with! (I take no pleasure in this fact) I know that we have connected on an emotional level, and have shared some very intimate moments together, when I met her she was in the process of applying for permanent residency with her partner, and has since subsequently advised him that she was not completely satisfied with the relationship and put those plans on hold. The past week has been very draining on her, being pulled between myself and her BF. Last night she told me that she wanted to see if she could work things out with her BF (go back to life before all the complications), and that she could not do this if I remained in the picture, so she would have to cut off all contact with me. (we will speak one last time on the phone tomorrow) The situation gets a little more complex due to the PR, her feelings of obligation to her current partner, and also pressure from her parents, her father has just been demoted and is planning to immigrate once she has held her PR for a set amount of time. I am not to sure how definitive the decision that she has made is (she has changed her mind a number of times already this week), however this sounds pretty definitive. I really really really like this girl, more so then any of my past relationships or crushes (she is the first girl that I have ever really wanted to have a family with). 
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#3
25-11-2007, 22:35
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Yep, waaay too complicated, get yourself over to LOS, get it out of your system, come back with the LOS blues and the world will seem a better place again!
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#4
25-11-2007, 22:46
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Nice messup, I assume she's Thai?
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#5
25-11-2007, 23:01
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Get out of there now! Even if you have a real crush on her, then I'm affraid it's too much of a circus!
__________________
เอริค Next trip to LOS: April 28th - May 7th 2008
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#6
26-11-2007, 00:48
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I’m sure your local paper has an excellent advise column. I suggest you refer your love struck story to them.
__________________
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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#7
26-11-2007, 02:05
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You are seeking support for carrying on with this impossible situation,
It aint gonna come from anyone with any sense, you know you have to back off and let her sort herself out. Emphasis appears to be on PR rather than a real partner. Dr.Den
__________________
 Denvers motorbike.
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#8
26-11-2007, 02:11
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Heads up, advice from Dr. Den, the Master of uncomplicated relationships 5555
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#9
26-11-2007, 03:59
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She is from the city of Anshan in northern China. Although from my limited knowledge I do feel that there are some similarities between the cultures in regards to respect and family values.
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#10
26-11-2007, 04:16
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Thank you for the suggestion! I appreciate all feedback no matter how it is framed! as I am very aware that I have posted on a public forum. I think the reason for posting on a public forum was to get various perspectives from the vast experience pool that boards can offer. As apposed to seeking advise from a singular opinion that may or may not be a SME! Last edited by NZ-Alstar : 26-11-2007 at 04:18.
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#11
26-11-2007, 04:19
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Thanks yooobee, good to see my rep is as strong as ever!!! 5555555 You around next month for a jar or two??
__________________
Denvers motorbike.
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#12
26-11-2007, 04:37
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I agree that the situation is far to complicated for my liking, but this at times can be the nature of life. At this point I am not prepared to walk away due to this fact... Whilst I do not have the benefit of as much life experience as a lot of other board members, I feel she has great life partner potential. I have already made my decision for my part... It is now her decision to make , I will respect any decision that she makes as I respect her as a person. She is very kind and caring and has a great heart. Role the dice, way up the risk, prepare for the worst, and hope for the best... no regrets.
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#13
26-11-2007, 05:04
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Thank you Dr.Den, it is always great to get perspective from someone who has a PhD in some type of ology... 55555555 Her priorities have also concerned me as well. She called me last night after my original post and we talked about this. She is no longer pursing PR status at this point (she will not do this with her current partner until/if she is ready to make this commitment with him i.e. loves him). She has made this decision based on her feelings of their current relationship, she advised me that I have shown her that love is important within a relationship, before this she was content with commitment and the fact that he loves her and cares for her a lot. To provide you some gravity to the decision that she has made, she is currently looking for another job, as her work permit will expire in January. The reason that she is so indecisive ATM is that she is scared to lose her current stability, she does not have any family in this country, and her current partner is the first person to really take care of her. She is still very young (22 yo), and had very bad experiences with home stays when she first arrived in this country. She is still very apprehensive about me, and is unsure as to whether I will make the same level of commitment as her current partner, or if my feelings and commitment will subside over time... After our conversation last night, she also does not want to lose me from her life, and cares about me a great deal. so for now we are going to continue enjoying each others company... but sooner or later she will have a very hard decision to make.
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#15
26-11-2007, 05:32
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walk away and dont stop.
if she can cheat on one she can cheat on you ,so run forest run.
__________________
Coffee for one sir ? The joys of sponsorship 
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#17
26-11-2007, 06:23
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If you ever been to LOS, then what do you do there then? As for the OP, just get out of the situation and try to go for an less complicated situation.
__________________
"WILL WORK FOR BEER AND BG'S"
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#18
26-11-2007, 06:35
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yes i have been to los thank you! the op is talking about a relationship not p4p! makes me laugh that many folk who post on this forum like to flame others for their comments, you are no exeption.....
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#19
26-11-2007, 07:34
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The live in boyfriend would have steered me away. Much tougher to get away with it at that point 55555
Not exactly the same situation, but I tried the long distance relationship with a girl in China, but it did not work out. She took me to LOS in May then I knew I needed to be single. lol We still get along well, but the distance and the point I am at in my life it is not going to work out right now..maybe later. Wait what was I saying...Oh yeah if she moves back to China very tough to make things work out. Any ways good luck in what ever direction it takes!
__________________
Spoiled Boston Sports Fan.  
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#20
26-11-2007, 17:31
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She has not cheated on her current BF (depending on definition), and I do believe that the position that she is in is more due to situational circumstance as apposed to being behavior driven. Anyway what do I know immersed in the bubble wearing my rose tinted glasses... 55555555
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#21
26-11-2007, 17:38
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Wish I could guys... but ATM in for a penny, in for a pound.  but really appreciate all the feedback that has been provided on this thread.
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#22
26-11-2007, 17:58
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Yeah it is pretty disconcerting, however imagine what she must be going through!  Quote:
I also believe that the desires I have in regards to this girl is a direct correlation to the point I am at in my life. Quote:
Thanks mate
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#23
26-11-2007, 19:01
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