Thai Lady Love

[doctorjohn]

It has been mentioned many times that Thai “LOVE” is much different than western “LOVE”. Would like some honest and sincere response on this subject – and/or where information on the subject can be found.

In western culture, true love (as opposed to infatuation), is based on a strong emotional, compatible and physical connection. Age, social position and education play a big role in the Western long-term relationship; thus, 20 – 30 year difference in ages is a big deal – in fact frowned upon.

Yet a Thai lady doesn’t seem to be so concerned with the above criteria for loving a Farang – especially age difference. Been told that Thai ladies do not really possess emotional love, rather a feeling of need and security. If she is made to feel wanted, taken care of emotionally and financially, she is happy.

Looking for the real scoop. Can they feel deep emotional love or is it a myth. Either case, how can you tell?

[TheNewLife]

Originally Posted by doctorjohn

It has been mentioned many times that Thai “LOVE” is much different than western “LOVE”. Would like some honest and sincere response on this subject – and/or where information on the subject can be found.

In western culture, true love (as opposed to infatuation), is based on a strong emotional, compatible and physical connection. Age, social position and education play a big role in the Western long-term relationship; thus, 20 – 30 year difference in ages is a big deal – in fact frowned upon.

Yet a Thai lady doesn’t seem to be so concerned with the above criteria for loving a Farang – especially age difference. Been told that Thai ladies do not really possess emotional love, rather a feeling of need and security. If she is made to feel wanted, taken care of emotionally and financially, she is happy.

Looking for the real scoop. Can they feel deep emotional love or is it a myth. Either case, how can you tell?

That sounds like even more than they require. I think it comes down to one thing in general...MONEY. Of course this is just based on what I have seen from the relationships I have been introduced to between Thai and farang.

[Minder]

Originally Posted by doctorjohn

It has been mentioned many times that Thai “LOVE” is much different than western “LOVE”. Would like some honest and sincere response on this subject – and/or where information on the subject can be found......

The book Thailand Fever is a good start.....Intro - The Book - thailandfever.com
- and the age thing, well, showing their approval two older ladies said to Mrs Minder (13 years my junior) on our honeymoon - "Khon gae, jai yen yen" - older man, calmer heart - four years and some later Mrs Minder says "they didn't have a clue what they were talking about."

In general, due to a harsher reality of day to day life, I think Thai women simply have less complicated expectations of a partner. If he can meet your basic needs - food, shelter, protection - that is enough - and if he meets your emotional needs, that is a bonus.

On the other hand, due to relative wealth, Western women, in general, firstly seek a partner who meets their emotional needs and take the ability to meet basic needs as a given.

[Homer]

I think you are both right to an extent.
Add that maybe hope for a less meagre or deprived existence (for some) would motivate love or relationships also.
The grass is always greener.

But of course western love when it involves a twenty year age difference is probably not so much different to the Thai motives expressed here - money.

[Spike]

Originally Posted by doctorjohn

It has been mentioned many times that Thai “LOVE” is much different than western “LOVE”. Would like some honest and sincere response on this subject – and/or where information on the subject can be found.

In western culture, true love (as opposed to infatuation), is based on a strong emotional, compatible and physical connection. Age, social position and education play a big role in the Western long-term relationship; thus, 20 – 30 year difference in ages is a big deal – in fact frowned upon.

Yet a Thai lady doesn’t seem to be so concerned with the above criteria for loving a Farang – especially age difference. Been told that Thai ladies do not really possess emotional love, rather a feeling of need and security. If she is made to feel wanted, taken care of emotionally and financially, she is happy.

Looking for the real scoop. Can they feel deep emotional love or is it a myth. Either case, how can you tell?

Western women have the option of expecting more then just security and money were as the Thai girl cannot take that for granted.

[nelsonone]

love is many different things to many different people....ask a cynic and he'll say aint no such thing...ask a romantic and he'll say love is all he ever seeks

TG's in general bundle fatherliness, brotherliness, romance, an ability to "take care" (not just money) and a whole lot of other criteria (pratical and of little importance to western women) into the mix when choosing a partner...

western women on the other hand have a much greater demand for the stereotype male they see/read in "their" magazines...same same western men in their choice of women...555

I'd say the TG preference is actually a lot more practical and considered in general to the western woman's aproach in finding a partner

[dennisinkamala]

You know, this kind of analysis is impossible.

How on Earth do you expect a definitive answer on a generalised question such as 'DO ALL THAI PEOPLE HAVE NO HEART', which is basically the question.

People are people and every single on e is different, man, woman, western, asian. Some genuinely like a large age difference, to others its abhorent.

All, you are going to get are individuals personal views based on nothing except PERSONAL experience and that is not a true analysis, with due respect to those views.

So if you are asking because you are in/almost in a relationship with a Thai girl and are seeking some comfort from this forum, you are not going to get it.

Maybe your girl (if thats the case) is a fantastic woman with a huge heart or maybe she is a hardcore bullsh1tter looking to part you from your cash. Either way, its up to you to determine.

Asian ladies are no different from westerners when it comes to what they are seeking from a man, what is different is their culture and background that may make them appear more mercenary.

Before you criticise that aspect, however, go to Issan and spend a week seeing where many of these girls come from, how they live, what they have to endure and you may understand a little of their determination never to return to that kind of existence.

Me personally, I love the Thai ladies and respect their determination. I believe that they have as much capacity for affection and 'love' (whatever that is, another debate possibly), as any other race. They show it differently, thats all.

At the end of the day, most of the BM's here have more affection, interest and regard for Thai ladies than any others so overanalysing is pointless.

Enjoy, sabai sabai

[Hobbsy]

good post dennis!

define love. Love is compromise. that movie stuff twists peoples opinions on what love is. How many couples profess true love and write soppy vows for their wedding only for it to be over a few years later.

TGs fall in love easily, especially in the short term. But is that 'love' the same as true everlasting love? does it even exist?

[marc26]

for me, personally
i think my wife loves me because i have taught her a huge amount and shown her a lot more and exposed her to new things
i just think that has given us a big connection and to tell you the truth, i have probably had just as much fun doing all this with her than she has

a, and the ipod, notebook, Luis bag doesn't hurt either 5555
but that is not thai exclusive

[JayBee]

Originally Posted by marc26

for me, personally
i think my wife loves me because i have taught her a huge amount and shown her a lot more and exposed her to new things
i just think that has given us a big connection and to tell you the truth, i have probably had just as much fun doing all this with her than she has

a, and the ipod, notebook, Luis bag doesn't hurt either 5555
but that is not thai exclusive

That's what you like to think, but, IMHO, she loved you from the moment she layed eyes on you. You two are a good match, and were meant to be together from the start. Everything beyond that is just a bonus.

[JayBee]

Originally Posted by Hobbsy

TGs fall in love easily, especially in the short term. But is that 'love' the same as true everlasting love? does it even exist?

It's infatuation, and farang guys seem as prone to it as TGs, maybe even more so. Infatuation is when you meet someone, and immediately see them as the person who will be all the things for you that you want a partner to be. You imagine that they are someone, who, in reality, may bear little resemblance(except physically) to who they really are. And it can take a long time to learn that they are not who you wished they were, and imagined them to be.

When you find out who they really are, and they find out who you really are, only then, if you still have the very strong feelings for them, and desire to be with them, knowing not just their good points, but all their weaknesses as well, and with a willingness to accept them and love them for who they really are, and they feel that way about you, too, then that is the beginning of real love. That is when you work together, trying to keep on the same page, and try to build a genuine and enduring relationship.

There are rare cases, I believe, where people are, perhaps, fated to be togehter, and reach that point in a very short time in their relationship. But for most it will take at least 6 months to year to even get close to that point, and for others, it could take years, or they may never get to that point.

[JayBee]

In regard to age differences, farang women are very programmed by the media and by peer relationships to desire to be with men their own age, or a few years older or younger.

With Thai women, in my experience, I have found that they mostly would like to be with a man their age or up to 10 years older. They will pretty easily stretch that to 15 years, if the man is youthful for his age. This is way beyond what the typical farang woman is programmed for.

I've talked to a lot of them about this issue, and observed the behavior of many others carefully. I had a long discussion with one gal of 35, whose sister lived in OZ, and she had visited there many times. Her sister tried to fix her up with men there, so she could have a farang husband, and live nearby. There were several men who would have happily courted and married her, but she turned them down, because they were in their 50's. She would be happy with a man under 50.

Spent two months with a gal of 23, whose 49 yr old Oz sponsor was trying to get her a visa. She said she loved him, but it was very clear she would "change horses," for a wealthier man, or for a younger farang gainfully employed. When she talked about her ex-BFs, it was very clear which one she got a little emotional about when thinking back about them. He was a 22 yr old from Texas, who she broke up with over her GFs accusation that he had really come to LOS a week before he told her he got there, so he could play the field before hooking up with her again. Sound familiar?

I could recount several more such stories. Just look at how excited all the BGs get, genuinely excited, when a young nice-looking guy walks in their bar.

Is it a myth that in LOS, there is a different attitude about relationships with more considerable age difference? Yes and no. First off, 10 to 15 yrs difference is way beyond what most farang girls will consider these days. Second, the cases I've alluded to above, have all been of women without children. They mature a lot faster once they have children. Then security becomes a far more important factor in considering what men would be suitable mates. Even more so, if they have had a bad relationship with a Thai man. Some even really detest Thai men, on account of a bad experience. In those cases, I would say they will be much more inclined to consider a 20 year age difference, or stretch it to 25 for an older man with youthful attitudes and appearance.

3rd, it seems that for every TG, there is some age, from late 20's to late 30's, when, if they are not married by then, that they become very practical. At that time, sincerity, kindness, faithfulness, integrity, and a solid financial position become the primary qualifiers, and age is no longer a big factor, assuming the man is in reasonably good health. I think they look at it as putting behind them the wishful dreams of youth, and getting down to the "brass tacks," i.e., the business of marriage, relationship, family and building a future for themselves.

Only my opinions, and generalities, at best, as everyone is different, but that is how I see it, based on my experiences and observations.

[dennisinkamala]

Exactly, and that is why lengthy discussions and analysis of this subject are merely rhetoric for the sake of it. IMHO.

There is too much analysis of the 'Thai Psyche.'

Thais are human like every other race, and no different, the more we discuss their capabilities or lack of them, their emotions or lack of them the more we perpetrate the myth that they are somehow mystical and from a different planet.

They are neither.

They are a fantastic people to live amongst and I, for one, count my blessings daily for the opportunity I have to enjoy that.

Originally Posted by JayBee

as everyone is different,.

[wabbits]

This is an interesting thread and does pose some interesting questions about love and its many aspects some real and or imagined, depending on your point of view. I do not profess to know much about women thai or otherwise 17 years of marrage taught me this!!! But in my limited experiance with western thai, chinese there are some subtle differences but deep down there are some major simularities. I think and this is just an opinion, this seems to be more about class or circumstance, If you were born in poverty you are going to have a totally different veiw of the world and what you would see as being important, so would you mould yourself into something that a western guy might want? This in my mind is neither right or wrong but i wonder if you take the girl out of povery so to speak do you take the poverty out of the girl?
I only have to look at the underclass here in Australia to see that some people will never change!!
I have enjoyed this thread because i and mates have debated these questions attmpting to fit what we want with what we were tought growing up and what we feel is acceptable. Not that we should care what others think but bring a girl to Oz how will she be accepted etc..
As for the age thing i got nothing those girls are so dam cute!!!

[dennisinkamala]

Try not to go down the philosopher/psychologist route, your thinking is already biased and tainted. Really..

Originally Posted by wabbits

This is an interesting thread and does pose some interesting questions about love and its many aspects some real and or imagined, depending on your point of view. I do not profess to know much about women thai or otherwise 17 years of marrage taught me this!!! But in my limited experiance with western thai, chinese there are some subtle differences but deep down there are some major simularities. I think and this is just an opinion, this seems to be more about class or circumstance, If you were born in poverty you are going to have a totally different veiw of the world and what you would see as being important, so would you mould yourself into something that a western guy might want? This in my mind is neither right or wrong but i wonder if you take the girl out of povery so to speak do you take the poverty out of the girl?
I only have to look at the underclass here in Australia to see that some people will never change!!
I have enjoyed this thread because i and mates have debated these questions attmpting to fit what we want with what we were tought growing up and what we feel is acceptable. Not that we should care what others think but bring a girl to Oz how will she be accepted etc..
As for the age thing i got nothing those girls are so dam cute!!!

[Minder]

The Age Thing -
Sure we have all heard of the Generation Gap and have all read the documented differences between the different generations - the baby boomers, Generation X, Gen Y etc.

And certainly in our own society there are clear differences as you move up or down the time line - logical conclusion? - the further apart two persons are on that time line the less they will have in common.

The often overlooked point about a cross cultural relationship is that different countries are also at different point of their social evolution.

I was raised in the 1960's in what today would be called poverty (and we were better off than some) by my Grand parents, instilled in me are a sense of duty, respect for elders, thrift, keeping my word, basic values of right and wrong and a belief in an honest day's work for an honest day's pay (and all these obstacles I have managed to overcome to maintain a place in today's business world ).

The simple truth is that since they are on a different time line, a girl born 15 to 20 years later in Thailand would likely have been raised with exactly the same social and ethical values I was.

I'll agree I may have nothing in common with a girl half my age - but only if she was born in the same country as me. Enjoy.

[wabbits]

Originally Posted by dennisinkamala

Try not to go down the philosopher/psychologist route, your thinking is already biased and tainted. Really..

this is most likely true 555555555555555

[eric-the-viking]

You must understand
Though the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill
Of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract
It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that

[Chorus:]
What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love, but a second-hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

It may seem to you
That I'm acting confused
When you're close to me
If I tend to look dazed
I read it some place
I've got cause to be
There's a name for it
There's a phrase fits
But whatever the reason
You do it for me

[Chorus]

I've been taking on a new direction
And I have to say
I've been thinking 'bout my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

[Chorus]

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love, but a sweet old fashioned notion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

[eric-the-viking]

just thought id throw that in.

[sishow]

Originally Posted by eric-the-viking

just thought id throw that in.

Are you sure you have not got a show-marriage?

Quoting a Tina turner song! What are you like? 555555555

[marc26]

i don't know how you can not analyze them
i have been with my wife for 5 years, although not full time due to long distance, but its like no other girl i have ever been with die to her different culture

[eric-the-viking]

Originally Posted by sishow

Are you sure you have not got a show-marriage?

Quoting a Tina turner song! What are you like? 555555555

still newly weds really well almost

[JayBee]

Originally Posted by eric-the-viking

You must understand
Though the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill
Of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract
It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that

[Chorus:]
What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love, but a second-hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

It may seem to you
That I'm acting confused
When you're close to me
If I tend to look dazed
I read it some place
I've got cause to be
There's a name for it
There's a phrase fits
But whatever the reason
You do it for me

[Chorus]

I've been taking on a new direction
And I have to say
I've been thinking 'bout my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

[Chorus]

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love, but a sweet old fashioned notion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

Good post, ETV!

[Dodger]

Yeah Ian great post!!!

Now I suppose I'd better go back and read it!!!!!

[nelsonone]

Originally Posted by Dodger

Yeah Ian great post!!!

Now I suppose I'd better go back and read it!!!!!

or sing it!

[Homer]

Originally Posted by dennisinkamala

Try not to go down the philosopher/psychologist route, your thinking is already biased and tainted. Really..

I don't get that?

[wabbits]

Originally Posted by Homer

I don't get that?

I think Dennis beleives i am tainted by the lil brown bundles of joy that *** and go 555555

Dennis as always says it as it is with no b.s...in my limited experience (i.e) the one girl that i have seen on my three trips I can only say its an emotional rollercoaster you think you are the only one and she love you etc but its all about what she and her family need and she has the tools to get it (money) but I have also met the other side who are sweet and loving and cash has never been mentioned....YET !!!

[marc26]

Originally Posted by PawYai

Dennis as always says it as it is with no b.s...in my limited experience (i.e) the one girl that i have seen on my three trips I can only say its an emotional rollercoaster you think you are the only one and she love you etc but its all about what she and her family need and she has the tools to get it (money) but I have also met the other side who are sweet and loving and cash has never been mentioned....YET !!!

but you knows these girls for 2 minutes before your moving them out of jobs, setting them up in apartments
i am not having a go at you, but hardly anything to base real love on

doesn't matter where you are in the world, love takes time. sounds corny as hell,but it does

[dennisinkamala]

No, sorry, you are making one fatal assumption and that is that out porky pilot from pompey has the same definition of 'LOVE' as you have.

'LOVE' is a non word, such as 'nice', it means different things to different people and we cannot force our own analysis on others or allow our analysis to become a basis for judging them and their interpretation of the word/emotion/state of mind.

This crappy four letter word has caused more trouble and heartache than is good and I believe the word should be scrapped from the English language.

It means absolutely nothing in a discussion and creates disharmony where only failure to understand is an issue.
If 'love' for Tony is bar fining a girl, having boom voom and then setting her up in an apartment the next day, whilst we might raise outr eyebrows, his interpretation is as valid, for him, as the guy who spends 15 years engaged to a lady because he wants to be sure it is 'love.'

In many instances the 'emotion ' of 'love' is used as an excuse foe self pity, stalking, violence and many other negative things.

Cant buy me love. love
Everbody tells me so

Beatles never did do Thailand did they??

Originally Posted by marc26

but you knows these girls for 2 minutes before your moving them out of jobs, setting them up in apartments
i am not having a go at you, but hardly anything to base real love on

doesn't matter where you are in the world, love takes time. sounds corny as hell,but it does

[Changone]

Love is what you make it.
Even if you are the PPFP or DIKamalalalalalalala
And in the end..The love you take is equal to the love...you make.
(Yes that was the Beatles) Whoa...was that my two cents worth?

[marc26]

Originally Posted by dennisinkamala

No, sorry, you are making one fatal assumption and that is that out porky pilot from pompey has the same definition of 'LOVE' as you have.

'LOVE' is a non word, such as 'nice', it means different things to different people and we cannot force our own analysis on others or allow our analysis to become a basis for judging them and their interpretation of the word/emotion/state of mind.

This crappy four letter word has caused more trouble and heartache than is good and I believe the word should be scrapped from the English language.

It means absolutely nothing in a discussion and creates disharmony where only failure to understand is an issue.
If 'love' for Tony is bar fining a girl, having boom voom and then setting her up in an apartment the next day, whilst we might raise outr eyebrows, his interpretation is as valid, for him, as the guy who spends 15 years engaged to a lady because he wants to be sure it is 'love.'

In many instances the 'emotion ' of 'love' is used as an excuse foe self pity, stalking, violence and many other negative things.

Cant buy me love. love
Everbody tells me so

Beatles never did do Thailand did they??

totally disagree
you cant say what PY is doing is love. he's bar fining a girl and if he thinks thats love, then he has a lot of hurt coming his way

again, i am not having a go at him but in his thread he mentions that we think its love but all she wants is to help herself and family. what would you expect from a girl you barely know and probably spent a total of 2 or 3 weeks with? i just dont think that particular thread when he is talking about thinking a girl loves him after 3 trips and limited time spent has anything to do with the OP

but i do agree that love does have many forms

[dennisinkamala]

My whole point is that the word LOVE means many different things to different people and whilst one person defines love as the be all and end all of all emotions and lavishes this state of mind/body and self on one person ( until little ones come along and then there is a different love so even this person has a fluid interpretation), another person may define love as an all consuming passion that lasts an hour, or a day, or a week. Does not mean there is hurt coming, just somebody else to love.

Its a big subject this defining of words that engender emotion.. Im going to end there coz Im going round in circles and getting dizzy..

Love me tender, love me true
All my dreams fulfill


I wanna fcuk you, fcuk you

Two sets of lyrics and 2 different types of love.

[Thin White Duke]

Originally Posted by dennisinkamala

Love me tender, love me true
All my dreams fulfill


I wanna fcuk you, fcuk you

Two sets of lyrics and 2 different types of love.

So where does lust fit into the picture?

[Mai Chob]

I hold with all the comments made in the first 7 posts, but as Dennis says, we all have a different view of what love is within the same culture, let alone across cultures...