 |
|
|
#1
06-02-2005, 05:34
|
|||
|
|||
|
am I a fool
I'm sure you all have more experience and understanding of Thai culture than I have. I hope someone can give me some advice to ease my mind.
In my first post on this board I asked about finding one person in Phuket that I could help by sending money to help get their life back together. That is what I did and I felt good about it. I'm not looking for anything in return...not even romance. I found a young girl who lost her job and after exchanging several emails I thought her needs were genuine and I could do something to help. I sent $500 in January...She sent email everyday that month and I got to know her quite well. She's not a BG....I believe her. She sent a picture of herself and ....really ...fact is she is just a plain girl...I don't think she could be a BG. What she really wanted to do was go back to school and get a degree. I agreed to help her do this for the next four years. I have owned a plastic fabricating business in Canada for more than twenty years. I think I have learned to be a good judge of character and although I'm a trusting person by nature I seldom get ripped off. I believe this girl is genuine. Now ...here's the problem...and I'm really worried about this. Near the end Of January I sent a digital camera that I don't use anymore. She was really excited about it and wanted to send me a lot of pictures of Phuket. On the first of Feb. I wired another $500. I haven't heard from her since! I can track the money transfer and the Canada post delivery of the camera...they were both picked up Feb. 2nd. I have her cell phone # . I have called several time and no one answers. All this makes no sense... If I am totally wrong about her and she is really a lady boy or something why would she disappear? I would have kept sending money every month for the next four years. I don't know what to do! On one hand I would hate to find out that I have been tricked by someone who was just dishonest. But what if something happened to her and I have no way of knowing. I am really troubled by this....I can't sleep at night. Any suggestions? 
|
| Guest Info |
|
+:+:+ Forum Headquarter +:+:+ |
|
#2
06-02-2005, 05:58
|
||||
|
||||
|
I do not pretend to be some wise sage here. But if it is the sending money to this girl and not knowing if you can trust her that is troubling you, then perhaps it is best that you do not send the money?
It sounds as though your intentions are good, helping the girl through hard times and getting herself educated. However, if it is keeping you up at night, then it is just plain not worth it. This is just my opinion, mind you. If you are worried about the honesty of the individual I can tell you a little story to give some perspective. 15,000 baht per month will probably go a long way. I have a friend in Bangkok who earns that ammount at her job working for a university and manages to get by ok, and also attends graduate school at the same time. She lives a decent life and saves money by sharing an appartment with her sister. On this salary she is also managing to put away some money to save up for travelling as well. I am not saying that the girl is definitely taking advantage of you, tuition can be very expensive, however, I would think that the beneficiary of a small fortune would make efforts to contact her benefactor with regular updates. This is just an opinion.
|
|
#3
06-02-2005, 06:26
|
||||
|
||||
|
I think $1000 is a lot of money to send to someone you have never met. It sure is a fortune for a Thai citizen to get. Also does she know, she still has roughly $23.000 to get over the next 4 years.
 Either way good or bad it doesn't make much sense at all to me, why she didn't contact you yet or you are not able to contact her. For now .... try to contact her from a different telephone number or don't use number recognition. Ask someone you know in Thailand to contact her with a Thai phone.  You are paying for her education, so it should be possible for you to see if she has registered at some college. I'm sure she told you something in her e-mails. Anyway I can't say it's very smart what you are doing, but then again I never talked to the girl.
__________________
This post is sponsored by 'Poodles & Noodles'
|
|
#4
06-02-2005, 18:51
|
||||
|
||||
|
I am not going to judge what you are doing and if you want to do it then do it.
Althought I dont see any reason for her to disappear from someone like you, it should be the opposite, she would stay in touch with you even more. So I guess she is just busy and you will hear from her soon. Dont worry too much, Thais often do like this and there can be many valid reasons. (Even to Family and friends) If this happened with a bargirl, it is most likely she stay with a customer and cant keep in touch at the moment.
|
|
#5
06-02-2005, 21:31
|
||||
|
||||
I tend to agree with Nicke, you say she got the money on Feb 2nd and it's only Feb 6th now. Anything could have happened to interrupt her daily routine meaning that although she had been contacting you daily in the past, it may not be possible at the moment. I would suggest leaving it for a while before thinking that you may possible be the victim of a fraud. But even if that is the case, it is still not worth worrying too much about, after all you would not have sent the money if you could not have afforded it or didn't want to.
Try looking at it another way, you wanted to help her out and you did. Was there really any "strings" attached to your money ?? Did you really expect her to be in daily contact for the rest of your life ?? None of us like to be taken for a fool and if we believe that is the case then we get upset with ourselves, but we are also very afraid of the unknown and start to guess what has happened. How many times in the past have you been in a sitaution where you hadn't heard from someone and started trying to guess what had happened, only to subsequently find out and then realise that you had feared the worst ?? It won't be many times, but I would have thought that you have experience, I know I have. Ultimately, you wanted to help and did. Now you must ask yourself what you really expected to get out of this. You did not state how you came to meet her and maybe you want to keep this private. There may be something else in the equation that has resulted in this sudden silence, like a boyfriend or husband !! If she has a boyfriend and he finds out what you have done, is he likely to be happy ?? I would imagine not and may have given her a choice, to carry on contacting you or stay with him, even more difficult for her if it is her husband saying that. There's lots of possibilities, but you have to answer the question for yourself. No matter what anyone else says, including her if she gets back in touch, it is up to you how you feel and what you believe. If you had given a friend at home $1,000 to help him/her out, would you expect that person to call you everyday to say "thank you" ? Wouldn't it be enough to just be told "thank you" ? I hope it turns out for the best and you her from her again, I was not so lucky. Cheers Diz
__________________
Only a woman can break his spell. Pure in heart who will offer herself Last edited by dizbusta : 06-02-2005 at 21:38.
|
|
#7
06-02-2005, 22:08
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
Text her saying you want to know how much more she needs, i'm sure she'll get back to you. 
|
|
#8
06-02-2005, 23:47
|
|||
|
|||
|
hi plasticsmith
i think she is bound to reply soon , she would be crazy not too, after all she has won the lottery hasnt she?
i would ask her for proof of enrolment into university even better contact a university and pay them direct then after a few months check with them, whether she is attending regularly /if atall also i would go to meet her again , if poss,or get a private detective to verify the situation, that way you know if your being scammed or not- how did you first meet her? in patong ?is there a risk that she is a b/g?how long had you known her? i ceartainly wouldnt send all that money without proof of what its being used for, i would much rather send it to an orphanage that way you know its definatly doing some good--only my opinion though!!up to you Last edited by andy50 : 06-02-2005 at 23:57.
|
|
#9
07-02-2005, 01:35
|
|||
|
|||
|
thanks
I'd like to thank everyone for the comments and advice.
It's not about the money or my wounded pride. I did this because I can. I have been fortunate in the last few years. My business has done better than I ever expected and I guess I am now independently wealthy. I grew up poor and I have struggled all my life. Now I have some money I feel should help out where I can....karma. I'm 55 years old married with no kids, I guess I have a biological need to "adopt" someone and help them through college. Dizbusta....you have it exactly right...respect brother. I don't expect her to email everyday and I understand things can get in the way and she may not be able to contact me for one reason or another. Still...something feels wrong about this. If it turns out that I was tricked by a BG...so what! I have still put a thousand bucks back into the Thai economy. I have nothing against BGs...they need to make a living too. But I don't think that is the case. Everyone seems to agree, It makes no sense. I am her golden goose...why shoot me. I asked her if she has a boy friend...she said she thought she was too young. She had a boyfriend but left him because she didn't want him telling her what to do. In her email she sounds very independent and ambitious. I haven't been to LOS for more than twenty years...I have no contacts there...no one who can check up on her. Besides I don't want to spy on her. If I am going to to this then it has to be based on trust. I guess the only thing to do is wait a while and see what happens. Still...the first thing I do when I wake up is check my email.
|
|
#10
07-02-2005, 02:44
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
IMHO I think your just throwing your money away on a person you have never actually met in your life, For all you know it could be Osama bin laden your sending the money to(tongue in cheek). Seriously if you really have the money and you want to help someone in need, Well go down into your city centre, And help one of the homeless people/families(Not alcoholics) that are down on there luck, Who could really do with the help a really generous man like yourself could give them to get there life's back on track, Or go into one of the many charity organisations that help to sponser a child, Who without your help could be dead or with nothing to live for, Shit with that sort of money you can help a lot more than one. I hope you dont take this the wrong because you sound like a very decent person who genuinely wants to help someone, I just think your being very niave in the way your doing it IMHO...
__________________
LIFES A BIT*H THEN U MARRY 1 
Last edited by allybabba22 : 07-02-2005 at 02:47.
|
|
#11
07-02-2005, 03:39
|
||||
|
||||
|
My only advice in this matter is too listen to the little voice inside your head not your heart. In another words, if you choose to do this, don't let your emotions get the best of you. good luck
|
|
#12
07-02-2005, 03:51
|
||||
|
||||
|
What kind of phone does she have ? If AIS, she may be reached everywhere in the country ( +661 or +669), if she has Orange or DTAC, she may have a problem in the countryside. Send her a SMS, maybe she will reply.
From AIS (1-2-call) I know, that the can make calls to Europe, but the call stops after the providers exchange their billing information, i.e. before the second ringtone. But you can see the number on the missed calls list.
|
|
#13
07-02-2005, 04:02
|
|||
|
|||
well all i can reiterate, is i think that you are sending youre money into a bottomless pit --its up to you-- good luck , if you can afford to give it away
Last edited by andy50 : 08-02-2005 at 00:47.
|
|
#14
07-02-2005, 04:23
|
||||
|
||||
|
can only agree with what has been said and follow the voice in your head.
i would not worry about being made a fool ,at some stage or another we are all made fools of in LOS ,old and new you just have to put it down to one of lifes experiances.
__________________
Coffee for one sir ? The joys of sponsorship 
|
|
#15
07-02-2005, 04:46
|
|||
|
|||
|
fool?
Oh well ..this would not be the first time I did something foolish.
I'd rather be niave than loose my trust in human decency. Still...if every time one extends a hand it gets bit its hard to do it again. As for helping someone on skid row in my own town (alkaholic or not) I do a bit of that to. Maybe the only difference between them and me is I can afford my scotch.  Again...it's not my mental health I'm worried about...I'm worried about her. Not contacting me "makes no sense".
|
|
#16
07-02-2005, 11:45
|
|||
|
|||
|
I agree with allybabba. Why not sponsor a child through World Vision or donate to Oxfam or one of the other great charities out there. You do seem to be a decent person trying to do the right thing but why not use the money where you know it will get used appropriately and relieve some of your stress?
|
|
#17
07-02-2005, 15:47
|
|||
|
|||
|
Good Luck
I would not be too worried about this. I imagine that after she received your last generous package she went straight to the temple to make merit for her good fortune. The temple does not allow mobile phones and the stay can be for a week or a month. After a month the girls have to have shave their heads so that usually curtails the visit.
If I am wrong I am sorry, but I don't think I am. She is just a good girl. Mac Last edited by Mac : 07-02-2005 at 15:51.
|
|
#18
07-02-2005, 15:56
|
||||
|
||||
|
plasticsmith just out of interest how or where did you first meet
how was 1st contact made ?
__________________
MAY THE BEER BE COLD AND ALL YOUR BETS WINNERS 
|
|
#19
07-02-2005, 17:30
|
||||
|
||||
|
What is weird, some Thai girls say hundred time "thank you" for a gift and others do not all!
But in your case, she must do the wah some times to gt her consciene right  But .....that was when I figured out something was wrong, when mine did not thank me for the bike 
|
|
#20
08-02-2005, 01:41
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Thats because it wasn't a new one tintin .Cheap Charlie, you only got her a second hand one 
__________________
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Granddad Not screaming in fear like his passengers
|
|
#21
08-02-2005, 01:43
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I COULD DO WITH A LAUGH......... 58 AND COUNTING......... ROLL ON SONGKRAN............ IJ
__________________
ROLL ON OCTOBER........
|
|
#22
08-02-2005, 01:50
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Same Same 44 days for me 
__________________
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Granddad Not screaming in fear like his passengers
|
|
#23
08-02-2005, 01:57
|
|||
|
|||
Quote:
|