Clever Words

[pablo]

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.

1. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison,"
and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather
an illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

[Mav]

"Trailer Trash" - Schmeen

"Sounds like you got your **** split by a LB" - Tan Man

"Blowhard" - Tan Man

"you sir make two short planks look positively anorexic" - Schmeen

"dipshit' - Schmeen

[LivinLOS]

Some greats there Wilde, Mae West, Groucho.. I do like a good repost(e) !!

I used to be Snow White.. Then I drifted..

When choosing between two evils.. I always pick the ones I havent tried before..

Both Mae West.

Work, the curse of the drinking classes.. Wilde.

Another treasure trove of gems is Mark Twain.. True master of language there.

[Thai Kwan Do]

Some very profound words there MAV !

This "schmeen" man must be someone important in his own little world!

[Thai Kwan Do]

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

Mohandas Gandhi

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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields

[landofsmiles]

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.- Shakespeare

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- W C Fields

[dizbuster]

"What a wanker ! It's just a shame his father wasn't." Anonymous

[mjwx]

Two of my favourites are:

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me"
and
"I like pigs, dogs look up to us, cats look down on us but pigs treat us as equals"

"It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard'." - Arthur Dent

[landofsmiles]

Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.- Abbey Hoffman

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? - Don Rickles

Breasts like granite and a brain like Swiss cheese- Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe

[nelsonone]

"we are both in the gutter my dear friend....it is just that I am looking up at the stars"..... Oscar Wilde...my all time favourite quipper...Dorothy Parker was alsoo pretty good at it!

[landofsmiles]

His mouth is a no-go area. It's like kissing the Berlin Wall
- Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen

A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.- Tom Shale on Robin Williams

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.- Henry Kissinger

If you can't convince them, confuse them.- President Harry S Truman