Darwin Awards

[visa2003]

They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's
an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest
service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
which toppled he was attempting to tip a free can of drink out of it.



And the nominees are:

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply,because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed
gasoline with milk.Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and
he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion
and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home of
suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black
and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was
trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a
military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber
hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to
one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter.
The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown,
and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of
explaining the circumstances of his
death to his family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the

occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft
and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
around their ankles.

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was
not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the
couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start
CPR, she
noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital -
the
police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
had
made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit
of
putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between
two
electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious
reasons).According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted
out
one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger
and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not
have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that
the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring,
which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an
attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the
woman lost her
own.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad
trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one
foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
said investigators think
Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the
cord
that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle
and
the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was
"Major trauma".


3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had
been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
Upon
entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket
and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation
of
the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
pieces
of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but
the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected
of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his
peers.

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local
golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad
mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum
in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante
by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place,
thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately
passed his threshold of
pain,collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez,
the
height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground
than
his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest
link.
Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the
other
testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the
housing
of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to
injury,
Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the
pro
shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the
hospital
for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the
course.

NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't
die.But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act
of stupidity, we have allowed it.

[steve@thaib]

Brilliant! Maybe we will see a well known celebrity kiddy fiddler in there next year?

[Sirgezza]

Originally Posted by visa2003

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad
trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one
foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
said investigators think
Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the
cord
that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle
and
the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was
"Major trauma".

Surely cause of death is - BRAIN DEAD

[faultytowers]

Originally Posted by gez

Surely cause of death is - BRAIN DEAD

More likely Terminal Deceleration.........

[Whazzzup]

(19 March 2005, Michigan) "Unusual" and "complicated" is how the Missaukee County sheriff described the mysterious death of 19-year-old Christopher.
After an evening spent imbibing large quantities of alcohol, Christopher noticed a shortage in his liquor supply that could not be attributed to his own depredations. He concluded that his neighbor had stolen a bottle of booze! He menaced the neighbor with a knife, to no avail, whereupon he retired to his own apartment to brood about revenge.

Finally he figured out the perfect way to get back at that conniving bottle-thief: Christopher would stab himself and blame the neighbor!

A witness saw Christopher enter the bathroom as he called 911. He calmly informed the dispatcher that his neighbor had stabbed him. Witnesses said he looked fine when he emerged from the bathroom, but a moment later gouts of blood spewed from his chest. Suddenly he began screaming begging for help. The dispatcher heard a woman shout, "Why did you do this?" He collapsed at the door of his apartment.

Deputies arrived quickly, but Christopher had already bled to death from self-inflicted stab wounds to his chest. An autopsy determined that he had stabbed himself in the chest twice. The first wound apparently didn't look dangerous enough, so he tried again. The second time, the knife plunged into his left ventricle. This wound was plenty dangerous: he had only two minutes to live.

Christopher died in vain. His deathbed accusation of his neighbor failed, as a witness confirmed that the neighbor was not in the apartment. All Christopher got for revenge was an accidental death sentence.

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1995 Darwin Awards Winner The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

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1996 Darwin Awards Winner Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Frenchman Pierre Pumpille recently shunted a stationary car two feet by headbutting it. "Women thought I was a god," he explained from his hospital bed.
Deity or not, however, Pumpille is a veritable girl's blouse compared to Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own head in 1995. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and, shouting "Watch this then," je swung at his own head and chopped it off.

"It's funny," said one companion, "when he was young he put on his sister's underwear. But he died like a man."

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A lot of stories in this link .....

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin

[odysseus]

Scrotum Self-Repair
1991 Honorable Mention
Confirmed True by Darwin
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.

555555555555...........

[swiftdave]

Originally Posted by odysseus

An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I hate when that happens!

[LivinLOS]

The rocket car story has been debunked as urban myth tho..

[Jaws]

Reckon I saw that on a show here called Mythbusters. Discovery Channel I think !

[faultytowers]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

The rocket car story has been debunked as urban myth tho..

Here is a link .

http://www.snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp