Things woman want...

[africanw]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ

so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have

never figured out why men think with their head and women think with

their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets

thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do"

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't

feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT???!!! What was

that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to

hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman

enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to

my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not

what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with

her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on

several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one

to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to

compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of

diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started

to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet

when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a

loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel

like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a

baffled "WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a

while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough

for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,

"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a

frozen hell