Fight

[Capt. Fantastic]

Officer, this is how the fight started...

I rear-ended the car in front of me. I admit that. It was my fault.

So, we both pull over to the side of the road, and slowly the driver of the
car I hit gets out of his car. . .. and you know how you
just-get-sooo-stressed... and life... sometimes life seems like... suddenly
funny?

Well, the driver of the car I hit is a DWARF! He gets out of his car and I
get out of my car.

He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me. Right up close at me
he looks up in my face and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'


And I don't know what possessed me, officer, but I look down at him and I
said, 'Well, if you're not Happy -- which one are you?'

.. . . and that's when the fight started...

[Denver]

This American bloke goes into a pub in Southern England. He gets himself a pint and then he challenges anybody to a game of pool and he beats everyone.

The barman says, "you're good, but Smiffy will have you."

Then he challenges anybody to a game of darts and he beats everybody at that as well.

The barman says, "you're very good, but Smiffy will have you."

Poker is the next challenge, and once again he beats every person he plays.

The barman says, "you're fcuking good, but Smiffy will have you."

With this, the American chap says, "who the fcuk is Smiffy?"

The barman points to a little elderly man wearing a flat cap, sitting at a table in the corner of the pub.

He walks over to the table and the old guy stands up, then flicks a beer mat up in the air, drinks a pint of lager, lights a fag, pulls his trousers down and catches the beer mat right in the crack of his ar5e and says, "can you do that?"

The American flicks the beer mat up in air, drinks a pint of lager, lights a fag, pulls his trousers down

........and Smiffy fcukin' had him!