EuroEnglish

[muddyhoop]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w'with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

[Nanook]

And in the end all people working there will speak English like René in the tv comedy Allo' Allo'.... Or maybe like the police man Crabtree in the same series.

What kind of parliament we will have !!!!!!!!!

[fabiosa]

das ist sehr lustig

gut gemacht

[ub2yoo]

ok ok, the first person who can explain to me why in english a Swan is pronounced Swan but a Sword aehh...Sord?

We could just skip the whole double uuus and make this 25% shorter, allright knight uh night, sorry;-)

Good story though! ;-)

[Dodger]

Because swans swim and swords swish!!

[ub2yoo]

Originally Posted by Dodger

Because swans swim and swords swish!!

...swords swish or sish?

[Capt. Fantastic]

On this general topic, herewith is posted an early CyberClassic:

Blinkenlights.

ACHTUNG!

ALLES TURISTEN UND NONTEKNISCHEN LOOKENPEEPERS!

DAS KOMPUTERMASCHINE IST NICHT FÜR DER GEFINGERPOKEN UND
MITTENGRABEN! ODERWISE IST EASY TO SCHNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK,
BLOWENFUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT SPITZENSPARKSEN.

IST NICHT FÜR GEWERKEN BEI DUMMKOPFEN. DER RUBBERNECKEN
SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS COTTONPICKEN HÄNDER IN DAS POCKETS MUSS.

ZO RELAXEN UND WATSCHEN DER BLINKENLICHTEN.

[ub2yoo]

Not bad...could make it as a notice sign on the door of a German Datacenter;-)

What about this one:

I Take It You Already Know...

Of tough and bough and cough and dough.
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through.
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps.
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead - it's said like bed, not bead.
For goodness sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat.
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for pear and bear.
And then there's dose and rose and loose -
Just look them up - and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward.
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.
A dreadful language? Man alive.
I'd mastered it when I was five!
-Anonymous

[MrDK]

The Germans will get the hang of the new language sooner than most ......


German Coast Guard