Phuket Thailand

Werwolf · #1 12-01-2005, 19:10

Reasons why the English language is hard to learn:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? Or, one goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO LEARN ENGLISH, PITY THEM!

Nicke · #2 13-01-2005, 02:30

Yeah, great text. English can be very unlogic at times and I think most native english never thought about this.

driv · #3 13-01-2005, 04:50

Can't answer all of it - but hamburgers and english muffins are American words.
Indices can be firmly planted at the feet of ancient Greece.
Truck is an americanism.

but this "IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO LEARN ENGLISH, PITY THEM! " I Totally agree with

Coolhand · #4 13-01-2005, 05:08

A few more on the same line...
Ballpoints - Should they be awarded?
Why do we say "My alarm clock didn't go off" When it obviously didn't go on.
Why is it called a TV set when you only get one?
What do you call a male ladybird?
What is occasional furniture the rest of the time?

scholtz · #5 14-01-2005, 09:50

Who was the cruel b@stard who decided to spell LISP with an "S"?

Werwolf · #6 14-03-2005, 19:51

The European Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, as opposed to German, which was the other possibility.

During negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EurEnglish (Eurin for short). The details follow:

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c" ' Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "C" will be replased with "k", klearing up konfusion, and typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph " will be replased by "f" This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In year three, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible, Governments will encourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in th languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By th fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th " by "z", and "w" wiz "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords Containing "ou". and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl Zer vil be no mor trubls or diftkultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru

Jaws · #7 15-03-2005, 09:13

Good post. Makes me think I might learn another language as I already know English and as discussed English is very difficult to understand. Gotta admire BG's who can speak both !

Werwolf · #8 17-03-2005, 20:08

No wonder the English language is so very difficult to learn.

We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

The one fowl is a goose but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may found a lone mouse or a whole set of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural wouldn't be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say Mother, we never say Methren,

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim,

So English, I fancy you will all agree,
Is the funniest laguage you ever did see.

Werwolf · #9 22-03-2005, 13:22

We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?