Bar Girl Service Contract

[Coolhand]

CONTRACT No. 69/69

PROVISION OF BAR GIRL SERVICES
(PHUKET TOURIST VERSION)

PART A – AGREEMENT

THIS AGREEMENT IS MADE BETWEEN A. Punter Private Ltd hereinafter called the “Punter”, of the one part.

AND Nok / Lek / Daeng / Porn / Pie / Mimi / Titi / Fani / Lolita (delete as applicable) hereinafter called the “LBFM” of the other part.

WHEREAS:




(a)


The Punter requires certain Sexual Services as described in the Contract (hereinafter called the “Services”) to be carried out at Punter's site or other location as instructed in connection with the Losing The Plot Project (hereinafter called the “Project"), and

(b)

The LBFM is willing to carry out the Services in accordance with the terms and conditions set forth in the Contract.


NOW THE PARTIES hereby agree as follows: -


(1)
In this Agreement words and expressions shall have the same meaning as are assigned to them in the Conditions of Contract referred to in paragraph (2) below.

(2)

The following documents (hereinafter collectively called the “Contract Documents”) constitute the entire agreement between the parties hereto and supersede and replace all prior correspondence, negotiations, agreements or understandings, either written or oral, between the parties.
PART A - Agreement
PART B - Conditions of Contract
PART C - Schedule of Rates and Prices

In the event of any differences, discrepancies or ambiguities arising between the Contract Documents, the above order of precedence shall prevail.

(3)
In consideration of the payments to be made by the Punter to the LBFM in accordance with the Contract, the LBFM hereby covenants to execute and complete the Services in conformity with the Contract.

(4)

In consideration of the execution and completion of the Services by the LBFM, the Punter hereby covenants to make the payments referred to in (3) to the LBFM at the times and in the manner prescribed by the Contract.









THE AUTHORISED REPRESENTATIVES OF THE PARTIES HAVE SIGNED THIS AGREEMENT IN TWO ORIGINALS



FOR AND ON BEHALF OF THE LBFM

SIGNED BY ___________________

(PRINT NAME) ___________________



FOR AND ON BEHALF OF THE PUNTER

SIGNED BY ___________________

(PRINT NAME) ___________________



WITNESSED BY THE MAMASAN

SIGNED BY ___________________

(PRINT NAME) ___________________

[Coolhand]

PART B – CONDITIONS OF CONTRACT

(1) DEFINITIONS

In construing these General Conditions of Contract and all other Contract documents, the following words have the meanings hereby assigned to them:




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“Short Time” means a period of sexual activity from a minimum of one hour (from commencement, excluding Down Time) to a maximum of three hours.



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“Long Time,” means a period of sexual activity from a minimum of three hours (from commencement, excluding Down Time), to a maximum of Up To You.



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“Down Time” means the time spent by the LBFM hiding in the bathroom, watching television or chatting on the telephone to her friends.



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“Contract” means the contract made between the Punter and the LBFM and comprises the documents stated in the Agreement to form the Contract. This is an enabling contract under which the Punter can call upon the LBFM to perform the Services as and when they are required.



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“Contract Price” means the aggregate amount to be ascertained in accordance with the Schedule of rates and Prices and paid to the LBFM for the provision of Services in accordance with the Contract.



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“LBFM's Equipment” means all such tools and / or materials required by the LBFM for the performance of the Services, including but not limited to; condoms, KY Jelly, mouthwash, and toothbrush. The LBFM shall be in possession of a genuine calibrated pussy. The proposed introduction of an artificial pussy, or a todger, must be pre-approved by the Punter.



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“Up To You” means that the Punter can issue any instruction, take any action or demand any position, as he shall deem necessary.





(2) COMMENCEMENT AND DURATION

Subject to having given the LBFM reasonable advance notice of his planned intentions, the Punter may call upon the LBFM to perform the Services, as and when they are required. The Punter shall give an oral instruction (a “Come On” Instruction) to the LBFM to commence the Services, or when the Services are to be undertaken in more than one phase, to commence the relevant phase. Unless some other period is agreed between the parties, the LBFM shall mobilize and, within fifteen (15) seconds of the receipt of the Punter's instruction, commence the Services and shall proceed diligently with the performance thereof until such time(s) as they have been completed in accordance with the Contract to the satisfaction of the Punter and he has issued a money shot, chin omelette, or pearl necklace, farted and rolled over.

(3) REPORTING

The LBFM shall, within thirty (30) seconds of the receipt of the Punter's instruction to commence the Services under Clause 2, provide feedback to the Punter on his performance and let him know he is so big and you feel so wonderful and no previous Punter has ever put it “there”.

(4) VARIATIONS

Subject always to the variations being within the capability of the LBFM, the Punter shall have the right to order (by way of a “Variation Order” issued verbally) variations to the services for any reason he shall deem necessary. Such variations may include changes in the scope, position, dress, number of partners, sequence and / or timing of the Services. There are no provisions in the Contract for additional payment for Variations and these are deemed included in the Contract Sum.

(5) SUBCONTRACTING

The LBFM shall not subcontract any part of the services without the prior consent of the Punter. The subcontracting of any part of the Services by the LBFM shall not relieve her from any of the obligations under the Contract and the LBFM shall be fully responsible for the services performed by any subcontractor.

(6) INDEPENDENT LBFM

In the performance of the Services the LBFM shall be an independent LBFM and not the wife, girlfriend or “Tilac” of the Punter. Upon completion of the Services, the LBFM shall not write, phone, SMS or email the Punter.

(7) INTERFACES

The Punter reserves the right to require the LBFM to share the site with other LBFMs. In these instances, the Punter will dictate the boundary limits, and it is the duty of the LBFM to flange up to the orifices of the interface LBFMs and put on a bit of a show.

(8) COMPLIANCE WITH LAWS AND REGULATIONS

The LBFM and her subcontractors shall comply with all laws and regulations having jurisdiction over the Services and shall indemnify the Punter against all claims or proceedings arising out of any breach of such laws and regulations. The LBFM warrants that she is properly authorized to do business in Jakarta and that she is free of any legal impediment that might prevent her from performing, or might delay the performance of the Services.

(9) WARRANTY

The LBFM warrants that she shall exercise all reasonable skill, care and diligence in the performance of the Services and shall carry them out in accordance with such regulations, codes and standards, sound whoring and / or professional practice and established procedures as are applicable.

(10) CONTRACT PRICE AND PAYMENT

The Punter shall pay the LBFM, as full and final compensation for the satisfactory performance of the services, the Contract Price, as set out in the Schedule of rates and Prices. All payments due under this Contract shall be made only to the LBFM and not to any representative or mamasans and the LBFM shall not factorise any such payments.

(11) AUDIT RIGHTS

The LBFM shall make available to the Punter her whole body for inspection as and when required. The Punter reserves the right to keep the lights on during the Services.

(12) LIABILITY FOR LOSS, DAMAGE OR INJURY

To the extent indemnity is not prohibited by the applicable legislation and in addition to the duties, obligations and responsibilities of the LBFM to the Punter as set forth elsewhere in the Contract, the LBFM shall pay, protect, indemnify and hold harmless the Punter and his respective affiliates (at the LBFM's sole cost and expense) from and against all liabilities, claims, losses, damages, costs and expenses (including, among other things, reasonably incurred attorney's fees and expenses and reasonably incurred fees and expenses of experts or professionals) arising out of and limited to claims that relate to are for:
(a) Bodily Harm (including back injury, sore bell-end and STDs)
(b) Divorce
(c) Damage to or loss of property
(d) Damage to or loss of reputation

(13) SUSPENSION

The Punter shall have the right to suspend the Services or any part thereof for up to ninety (90) minutes at any time for the Punter's own reasons. These reasons include watching the football, having a few beers to relax, or inability to get wood.

(14) TERMINATION

Termination for convenience

The Punter reserves the right to terminate the Services for his own convenience at any time by the giving the LBFM seven (7) minutes oral notice specifying the time of termination. On the time of such termination the LBFM shall cease performance of the Services and shall comply with the instructions of the Punter relating to the cessation. The Punter shall pay the LBFM in respect of the Services satisfactorily performed up to the time of termination. In no event shall the LBFM be entitled to any prospective profits or any other compensation because of such termination.

Termination for default

If the LBFM shall default, or be negligent in the performance of her obligations under the Contract and fails to correct such default or act of negligence immediately, the Punter may, without prejudice to any other rights or remedies he may have, terminate the Contract by telling the LBFM to get dressed and **** off. This may also be accompanied by a kick up the **** for gross default or negligence.

Termination for police raid

If the Services are to be performed in-situ or in a Short-Time budget hotel and the coppers raid the joint, the Punter reserves the right to shin naked down a drainpipe and get the **** out of there.

(15) FORCE MAJEURE

The obligations of the Punter and / or the LBFM in any capacity shall be suspended during the time and to the extent that the Punter or the LBFM, or both, as the case may be, is or are prevented or hindered form performing, in whole or part, his/her/their duties and obligations under this contract by “Force Majeure” as defined in the following:

“Force Majeure” means any of the following, which are outside the reasonable control of the party claiming Force Majeure: (a) Menstruation; (b) Police Raid or other coitus interruptus while on the vinegar stroke; (c) Short- Time Hotel fully booked: (d) ATM non-operational, (e) Split Condom.

(16) LAW, LANGUAGE AND SETTLEMENT OF DISPUTES

The Contract shall be construed and take effect in accordance with the laws of Thailand and the ruling language shall be English.

If any question, dispute or difference shall at any time arise between the Punter and the LBFM in connection with or arising out of the Contract, the parties shall endeavour to settle the same by mutual agreement. However, if the parties should fail to settle such difference or dispute by agreement, the same shall be referred to the arbitration of Mamasan, who shall decide the fate of the contract Sum. The determination of the Mamasan shall be final and binding on the Parties, except in the event when the Punter disagrees and may administer a kick up the **** to the LBFM.

(17) HEALTH AND SAFETY

The Punter places the highest importance and priority on safety, health and the protection of family jewels during the performance of the Services.

The LBFM shall be responsible for the safe performance of the services and shall ensure the integrity of the condoms used, that the LBFM's work site is clear of crabs and warts, and that the Punter's bell end does not get nibbled during the act of “Smoking”.

[Coolhand]

PART C - SCHEDULE OF RATES AND PRICES

All rates and prices shall be fixed and firm for the duration of the Contract irrespective of the LBFM's actual costs or any variation between the quantity of Services anticipated and the quantity of the Services provided. Only after this date shall such rates and prices be subject to variation by demonstrable changes in relevant prices and costs.

The base cost of the Services shall be determined by the working location of the LBFM as follows:




Base Cost Description Short Time Long Time

Category A: Massage 3,000 -
Category B: Go-Go 1,500 2,500
Category C: beer bar 500 1,000

Additional costs will be borne by the Punter as follows:

Additional Costs
Description Unit Qty Rate Total
Taxi fares(at cost) 1 100 100
Short-Time Hotel Hrs 2 200 400
Ladies Drinks Each 2 120 240
Bar fine each 1 200

Occasionally the Punter may be really happy with the LBFM, and agree to pay special one-off bonuses, as follows:

Special Bonuses
Boom-Boom no condom 1,000
Swallowing 500
Taking it up the dirt-box 300

[Werwolf]

GREAT Contract

[Gildas]

Top stuff, hilarious

[aussie dollar]

Its brillant did you write it yourself?
do you think will it hold up in thai courts?

[merlin]

the abovementioned contract on the surface sounds feasible but my people will contact your people and moving foward we should have an outcome mutually satisfying

[steveski]

Special Bonuses
Boom-Boom no condom 1,000
Swallowing 500
Taking it up the dirt-box 300[/quote]

Great, I gotta tell you one night I am going to piss my self from laughing at your posts,
Fargin great keep it up, and the jokes also.
Steveski