Alcohol Warning

[steveski]

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your bra and
panties.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you are whispering when you are not.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major
factor in dancing like a retard.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4:00 in the morning.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you can logically converse with other members
of the opposite sex without spitting.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading
cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees,
and lower back.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better-looking than most
people.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink
you can tipe real gode.

[steveski]

The difference between "guts" and "balls"?

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
and having the balls to say, "You're next."