Naval Captain

[Mustang]

Here's one my 10 year old nephew told at a family gathering of some very religious relatives.Cracked me up but not everyone saw the humour.

A Naval Captain is patrolling the high seas one morning when suddenly an enemy warship appears on the horizon.
"First Mate"he calls out,"Bring me my red shirt."

"Of course Captain" the first mate responds,"but why?"

"This is so if I'm wounded in battle,my crew will not see the blood and lose their confidence in me"the Captain answers.

"Very good Sir" the first mate says , brings him the shirt,and they go on to claim victory in the battle.

The next morning they are on patrol once again when suddenly 1000 warships appear on the horizon.

"First Mate"the Captain calls out ............"Bring me my brown pants!"

[swiftdave]

Thats great, Here's one

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?" Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign .." Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket." Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"