Phuket Thailand - Pigs will fly

faultytowers · #71 15-03-2006, 02:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogblower

Or as one might say: Faulty's elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

At least I don't need "lifts".

visa2003 · #72 15-03-2006, 13:42

Or a few snags short of a BBQ!
Not quite the full bottle!
A couple of beers short of a six pack!
As thick as 2 short planks!( that one's slightly different)

Lucky7 · #73 17-03-2006, 01:10

A few French Fries short of a Happy Meal

Hobbsy · #74 17-03-2006, 18:36

i always liked "you want the moon on a stick you do" for an unreasonable request.

Hobbsy · #75 17-03-2006, 18:39

for ugly: she looks like...

a Bulldog chewing a wasp

the North End of a South bound Cow

Lucky7 · #76 17-03-2006, 21:35

Fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch.

IRISH JONNY · #77 17-03-2006, 21:51

For Ugly.........
Shes So Ugly The Tide Wouldnt Take Her Out..........
Shes So Ugly She Wouldnt Get A Kick In A Stampede....
Ij

IRISH JONNY · #78 17-03-2006, 21:53

Im So Unlucky.if I Bought A Banana .there Would Be Nothing Inside It............
Im So Unlucky That If It Rained Soup...i Would Have A Fork........
Ij

Lucky7 · #79 24-03-2006, 04:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by IRISH JONNY

Im So Unlucky.if I Bought A Banana .there Would Be Nothing Inside It............
Im So Unlucky That If It Rained Soup...i Would Have A Fork........
Ij

What's the matter...did the caps lock key break on your keyboard?

IRISH JONNY · #80 24-03-2006, 14:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucky7

What's the matter...did the caps lock key break on your keyboard?

NO.........JUST FORGOT TO PUT THEM ON !!!!!!!!!!!

Denver · #81 25-03-2006, 06:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by faultytowers

For the not too bright :

The lights are on , but no one's home.

The wheel's still turning , but the hamster's dead.

(love this one !!!!)

One sandwich short of a picnic.

One brick short of a hod.

Similar to yours Faulty, one we have for some of the dorks working the gates out here is "as much use as a one armed man climbing a rope" or "He may know New York like the back of his hand but the fcuker is in Baghdad!" or he's the 'Dope on the rope'

Matelots and Marines taught me Devils dandruff and Mermaids Piss for Salt and Vinegar. Nobby Clarks for sharks or as much use as a balsa wood anchor, scoff spanners and this bloke Harry that Crusty may know?

Harry Redders - Hot!
Harry Skinters - No Money - Broke!
Harry Freezers - Cold!
Harry Singers - Singapore!
Harry Toppers - Full

Honky Fid for Hong Kong etc etc We had a million and one in the Army but mean fcuk all to anyone else really!

Our brews or cups of tea out here are - I'll have a Julie:

"Julie" as in Andrews - White Nun (White, No sugar)
"Nato" as in Standard - White, 2 Sugars
"Errol" as in Brown - Hot Chocolate
"Whoopi" as in Goldberg - Black Nun (Black, no sugar)

Some of the lads call the local 'Friendly' Military girls panties a pair of Messerschmitts - as they always come down after a bit of a fight!

seafox · #82 25-03-2006, 07:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garybar

Ugly-He's so ugly that he couldn't get laid in a *****house if he had a new American 100 dollar bill and a gold credit card tied around his neck.

GB, do you know the Lee Sisters? They are triplets.

Gnar, Ug, and Home Lee.

Red Bull · #83 25-03-2006, 07:46

She's got more Chins than a Chinese phone book!

big mitch · #84 27-03-2006, 12:43

She's got a head on her like a smashed crab

swiftdave · #85 27-03-2006, 13:14

Face like a can of smashed arseholes
Crazier than a pet coon
harder to find than an indians work boots
dumber than a sack of hammers
strong like bull...smart like tractor

IRISH JONNY · #86 27-03-2006, 13:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by swiftdave

Face like a can of smashed arseholes

WE USED TO SAY "FACE LIKE A BULLDOGS BOLLOX".........555555555

floppy · #87 29-03-2006, 22:09

or this old classic..seen better heads poking out the side of a cattle truck..

jimholio · #88 04-04-2006, 00:22

I was sitting right next to a flying pig when i was going home from LOS. She was kind enough to let me use half of my chair.

IRISH JONNY · #89 04-04-2006, 17:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by floppy

or this old classic..seen better heads poking out the side of a cattle truck..

OR SEEN BETTER HEAD ON THE TOP OF A PINT !!!!!!!!!!

butterflyblonde · #90 08-04-2006, 03:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

Cats meouw.. he he my Nan used to say the cats pajama's for something 'special'..

One I have never heard elsewhere was my gypsey dads one for water.. Rock Wine.. Kinda like that..

I only found this thread today and it's an enjoyable read.

Many round my way would also say 'like a cat that got the cream' reffering to people looking pleased with themselves.

And water from the tap was always 'council pop'

butterflyblonde · #91 08-04-2006, 03:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

Unwelcome = fart in a spacesuit..

Or an incompetant person 'as much use as a chocolate fireguard'

I also used to like 'it's like trying to get sh1t out of a rockin horse' usually referring to dealing with something or somebody difficult.

wylos · #92 08-04-2006, 08:49

someone with big old nashers................... he /she could chew a apple through a letter box

Coolhand · #93 08-04-2006, 10:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by butterflyblonde

Or an incompetant person 'as much use as a chocolate fireguard'

I also used to like 'it's like trying to get sh1t out of a rockin horse' usually referring to dealing with something or somebody difficult.

Yeah I like the chocolate fireguard and the chocolate kettle also "about as much use as a trapdoort in a canoe"

senor123 · #94 19-04-2006, 16:14

I also only just stumbled upon this thread.
For a big, beefy woman:

She could kick start a Jumbo (jet, not elephant)

Steve.

aussie dollar · #95 19-04-2006, 16:24

she has an **** as big as the "back of a bus"