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#1
26-10-2005, 11:07
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Advice needed
Need some advice from old hands on this forum.
I am happily married to a TG for a year now and had spent all my savings to pay off the dowry. My wife is travelling to and from LOS and we are getting the necessary paper work done to allow her to stay with me permantely. Just when things seems to be going on well, the past came back to haunt me... A jap who apparently dumped my wife after making promises to marry and starting a family is trying to make come back. He got my wife pregnant 4 years ago and walk out on her soon after. The reason that he walks out on my wife is that he is getting married to a Jap girl and now that they are divorced, he wants to make up to my wife. He told my mother in law that he is willing to buy a house for my wife and sending her $$$$$ every month and eventually bring them (my wife and their kid) back to Japan. From what i know he is a businessman and have lots to offer compared to what i have now (nothing). My wife is planning to get something out of the situation (hopefully a house) so that their kid can have a better future, which i think is not a good idea. I think you have to give inorder to receive and I don not want my wife to be sleeping with him for that house. I strongly disagree. She might be testing me AGAIN, but to be on the safe side. What should i tell my wife to prevent a change of hearts? I have put in so much time, $$ and effort, I can’t afford to loose her. What should I do..??? Sorry for my poor command of English... I can't really write...  
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#2
26-10-2005, 11:20
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Wow thats harsh mate, sorry to hear. I would say that if she is even tempted to consider the other guy's offer, then you really need to seriously look at where your going with her. If you convince her to stay with you, she may well resent you later on and then your in for problems. No one can give you an answer to this one, you need to dig deep and decide for yourself. Good luck.
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#3
26-10-2005, 13:42
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Your wife will do what she wants. When she is travelling to LOS alone, she will not tell you, if she meets him or not. When the Jap is giving money to her for a house, she may not even tell you about. Maybe next time you go LOS, she will show you the new house of your uncle.
When the monk tells her, that it is good idea, that the Jap takes care for her, she will not ask you what to do. When you angry her, she will spend more time in LOS than with you. Just keep an eye on the situation and make your decision, when it is time. You cannot argue with her about her life and her future. Forget any money you have invested in Thailand without a written contract in your favour.
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#4
26-10-2005, 13:48
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[quote=gregor200]Your wife will do what she wants. When she is travelling to LOS alone, she will not tell you, if she meets him or not. When the Jap is giving money to her for a house, she may not even tell you about. Maybe next time you go LOS, she will show you the new house of your uncle.]
AGREE WITH GREGOR HERE... U ARE IN A VERY STICKY SITUATION.....ITS LIKE BEING IN BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE.......... IT REALLY IS A HARD CALL.....GIVE IT A COUPLE OF MONTHS.....IF SHE LOVES U FOR WHO U ARE SHE WILL STAY WITH U..BUT IF SHES LIKE MOST TGs [MONEY ORIENATED]SHE WILL MAKE HER EXCUSES TO STAY IN LOS TO TAKE CARE OF "MAMA" HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU !!!!!! IJ
__________________
ROLL ON OCTOBER........
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So sorry to say that!
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#8
26-10-2005, 15:24
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the way i would treat, and it doesnt help your broken heart if it happens, and she does leave is she screwed up, she blew it. and would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who would do that. and to be brutally honest with you, i would be questioning her right now in her thought process. if it was me, and my wife was even had to think about what she needs(because they'll always play the "need to take care family" card) or wants, shed be so far out of my life before she could know what happened.
and that is coming from a guy that doesnt have the usual cynical view of these girls
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#9
26-10-2005, 15:29
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Got to agree whole heartedly with marc on this one, we have a saying "Brussell Sprout - Get Out"
__________________
If I havn't done it already, then i'm gunna do it today.
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#10
26-10-2005, 17:21
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For fcuk's sake, this is your wife.
You say youv'e been married for a year and yet you have to ask advice on this forum????? What are you, a man or a mouse??? If she wasn't prepared to make a 100% commitment to you in the first place, why did you marry her?? You don't marry someone and then a year later tell your spouse that you may take up with someone else, For a house??? It dosn't matter whether she is Thai, western, or whatever, if your married, your married. Sounds to me like she's taking the piss. Maybe instigated by her family, but that's irrelavent . And don't tell me about a Thai womans commitment to her family. You did pay the dowry and I assume she or more to the point you have been subsidising her parents since she married you. For what it's worth. If it was me I'd tell her she forgets the idea and if she won't, she'd better fcuk of back to mama and pappa quick smart. Maybe get a Thai husband. Believe me, she would'nt fcuk with him, like she's doing with you.
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#11
26-10-2005, 18:30
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Don't mince your words ally , just say what you think.  By the way , I agree with you completely. 
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Member of Phuket Hash House Harriers
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#12
26-10-2005, 18:54
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For what it's worth, it gets easier with time Mal. I thought my arms and legs had been ripped off and my heart pulled through my chest when I returned home to find my wife had shacked up with someone else and that was after, what I thought was 16 years of happily married life! 5555555
I know this is not what is happening to you, but I do think you would be better off out of this relationship and marriage because I think the damage to you, your heart and to your head has been done. It may be a long lonely trek but try to get back to being Mal, who I bet is bloody great bloke. I think you need a good night out with some similarly treated BM's who will set you right over a few beers. You can then wake up the next day with a whole new perspective on life and the way you can take it forward. I know it seems like the end of the world for you now Mal and that your world is crashing around your ears. It isn't mate, it's the start of something else. Let this other bloke bear the obvious burden of this girl. Anyway, that's my small input, move onwards and upwards. All the very best in what ever direction you go Mal. Keep us posted.
__________________
The idea is to die young.........as late as possible.
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#13
26-10-2005, 21:28
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tell her he walked out of her once ,so why doesn't he twice, he did it to his japanese wife to. he is a baaaaaaad maaaaaan
__________________
 I am soon in a bar near u  lock up your daughters i have no more   
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#14
26-10-2005, 21:36
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#15
26-10-2005, 21:39
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How did Confuscious know about stevem's dog !!!!!
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Member of Phuket Hash House Harriers
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#16
26-10-2005, 21:47
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Quote:
__________________
The idea is to die young.........as late as possible.
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#17
26-10-2005, 22:52
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Why is your wife even considering this? Where are you living now? are living conditions and future prospects with you so bad that she has to keep a lookout for someone else to buy a house and more?
For what it's worth, Japanese men are not known to be the best husbands or mates.
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#18
26-10-2005, 22:58
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GOOD POST ALI.............
__________________
ROLL ON OCTOBER........
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#20
27-10-2005, 03:45
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sorry chap but if your alarm bells have not started working over time then your in serious trouble.
now every one knows i love Thai girls to bits but im under no illusion it will always be money first . love will not put a meal on the table. its time to save your face mate as you will end being a walking subsitue atm you may have spent all your money on the dowry ,but i have to ask why are you paying a dowry for a bar girl ? look at the long term and think of it as lucky escape if she does not change her ways.
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Coffee for one sir ? The joys of sponsorship 
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#21
27-10-2005, 04:39
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We can all say how we would personally treat a woman. Slap her in the chops, tell her to pack her bags, kick her ar4e out the door, kiss and make up, give the relationship another go etc etc!! We are all different! Could I have carried on living with my wife after knowing what I found out, as if nothing had happened? No, I couldn't! That's me!!!.........Some blokes get turned on by the fact thier wives puts it out a bit!!! We are all different! Slagging a bloke off because he doesn't follow what 'you' feel is the right course of action in the treatment of his wife isn't, IMHO, helping this kid much! Yeah it hurts, it's fcuking painful. The lad turned to the forum for help (as I notice tons of other regular posters do) and all I wanted to do was tell him that if it has all gone pear-shaped for him that it is going to hurt like a b1tch for quite a long time yet.................but I also wanted to tell Mal that it does get better and easier, given time.
__________________
The idea is to die young.........as late as possible.
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#22
27-10-2005, 05:24
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i now look back at my the relationship with my ex missus as a learning curb. hope things work out for you .
__________________
Coffee for one sir ? The joys of sponsorship
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#23
27-10-2005, 07:18
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Empathy
I really sympathise with Mal. Whether you have been married for 12 months or 12 years it is always a "surprise" to find out that your wife is somewhat different from the person you thought you had married. But unfortunately once the trust and respect have gone there is not much left.
I am not wise enough to comment directly on Mal's situation but you can feel the force of his anxiety and perhaps he might be comforted to know that his path has been well trodden before although that hardly makes it better. I was quite saddened by this tale as it seems to reinforce the thai girl stereo type. But I just hope that he will recover quickly and there is nothing like a quick trip to Patong to help the healing process.. Mac
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