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#1
05-02-2007, 11:03
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Newbie Swedish oldie
Hi all !
I stumbled across this forum when doing some googling a while ago. After reading several threads here, I find the atmosphere to be very good. I'm a Swede that has been living in Krabi for the past 13 years. Has been married with a tw (thai wife), for 17 years now. She also stayed with me a couple of years in Sweden before we moved here. I'm not much of a beach bum myself, hence I only spent a few months at a time in Phuket.(a long time ago) Krabi has become our home now. Sometimes I miss "the good old days" from Phuket  Just an short introduction. Looking forward to participate in the threads. Nice to see ya all Frank Last edited by Sabajjto : 05-02-2007 at 14:12. 
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#2
05-02-2007, 11:20
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Krabi...nice! It is great up there. Are you in town or out near the coast?
You must have seen A LOT of changes in that area over the past 13 years. How's your thai?
__________________
Women with a past and men without a future grope and shuffle on the dance floor.
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#4
05-02-2007, 13:04
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Quote:
I'm out of town roughly 60 km, in a small amper named Plai Phraya. Staying with wife and her parents in a 4 store complex where we sell rice and I repair computers. Also do Oil palms, (about 70 rai). My Thai is reasonably good, especially since the fact that I have to use it daily, to communicate with the local Thais here around. Did run a restaurant in Krabi town a couple of years ago,(Down Town restaurant), but abandoned the idea cause of the enormous workload. Decided to move back to where i'm staying now, and haven't regretted it. When I first came to Thailand to live as a resident, I was was a very different person than I am today. Life was more of a "day to day" affair back then. I hadn't really figured out what to do while here, so I drank alot. After a couple of years of doing that, I got bored of the hangovers and quit totally. I started to become an active person instead, visiting our Oil palm plantation daily, working my ass off ! Gees, that felt better (wife and family perhaps appreciates it more than me ). A few years ago when computers started to come in the main stream, I took up one of my old hobbies of fixing e'm to. (have a small shop). Being kinda isolated from foreigners here, I stay on-line alot. Is a webmaster on a good warez forum to. I'm sad to say though, things seems to have started to deteriorate between me and the lady lately  Our relationship isn't as spicy as it use to be. I can't put my finger on any one reason why it's become like this. Perhaps it's the monotonous lifestyle of being out of town ? About one and a half year ago, my wife took up this interest in Chinese buddhism. At first I didn't think much about it, but lately it has become a large part of her life. In the beginnning we had a few Chinese statuettes in our living room, and my wife lit a few candles and did some praying. Anything that makes her happy I thought. It has now escalated to something far and beyond. Twice a month 50-100 worshippers visit our house, and my wife gets "possessed". Before the ceremony, a few like minded individuals come to our house to prepare the spectacle. My wife dresses up in a beatiful old chinese costume and gets a heavy make-up. (She looks like a little toy doll). Then when the ceremony starts, she goes into trance. After that, you can't recognize her anymore, (scary). If you stay in Phuket, you probably seen this before. You know the chinese guys sticking metal objects thru their cheeks. Anyway, from when she started doing this, she's changed alot. She now tells me she would prefer to stay alone, (like monkhood). Not neccessarily would we need to divorce, we are still good friends. So lately i've been a little bit of a downer. It's not like I just can pack my bags and return to Sweden, nor do I want to. I have become far to attached to this place.(and her) I do however realize it can't go on much further like this. I've been thinking of seeking a job on some Swedish company (or whatever) up in Bangkok, to create some distance between ourselves. Perhaps it would help... If I decide to do that, I can always supplement my income with half of the oil palm proceeds. Luckily for me, my wife and family aren't crooks. We could also split everything, and i'll end up with around 2.5 million. But I would only do that as a last resort, wanna try to patch it up somehow first. Going away for some time would probably do some good for me as well. I'd actually look forward to some Bangkok life after all these years in the bush. Sometimes I wish it could have been something simple, like she's got a new boyfriend or something, but it isn't. This monkhood pill is difficult for me to swallow. 17 years really is a long time. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... Sorry for coming in on a sour note like this, but it what's on the agenda for me right now. Last edited by Sabajjto : 05-02-2007 at 14:02.
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#5
05-02-2007, 23:23
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Stiff competition
It is very difficult to compete with a religion.The Chinese thing happens here to people in Phuket City and it does change personalities.
 If you can manage to separate but still work together with her family everyone would understand.  Even if you don't get a job in the big city you could always scoot over to Patong for a bit of R&R now and then. 
__________________
 If you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined up!!! 
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#6
06-02-2007, 10:32
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Yes I agree.
It is very difficult to compete with religious beliefs. People tend to find almost any excuse, to continue their "journey" once they've been wrapped up in it. Doesn't matter what I say, and i'm not pushing it either. On the positive side it actually seems to make her happy. If she's happy, i'm happy. I'm just sad I can't be a part of it... It has now gone a while since all this exploded in my face, so the dust has started to settle. I can stay here without any problems, and i'm sure we can always work out some arrangement. I'm in no hurry to find work, and I can continue to do my 1 year visa thingy's. I'll just try to keep an positive attitude and see what floats along Maybe I take a few days off to visit Phuket, smell some of those good old days again What doesn't break you will make you stronger 
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#7
06-02-2007, 13:48
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Quote:
Seen this happen with one of my neighbours who used to live opposite - they were quite weathy Thai couple - kids grown up/married - late 50's. Wife stayed at home and husband worked in BKK - she turned the whole entrance way to her house into a mini-chinese temple - even included Hindu gods as well. Twice a day she would go out chanting and ringing bells and often hold rituals with monks comming over etc. Started driving me nuts I have to say and me and Mrs stayed well clear of her. He left her and she ended up selling the house - a big relief. You say you are happy that she is happy - but if she's shuting you out that can't really give you happiness since you are no longer sharing your relationship. I hope this is maybe only a phase for her and you can pull back together. Chok Dee.
__________________
Its My Life ..........!
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#8
06-02-2007, 14:55
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Interesting Post
Quote:
Hello Thank you for sharing you post with the Bms, If I may ask, What is the age of your wife ? Have you ever thought That this could be a change of life thing for here as well ? I personaly have seen a Relationship that went crazy when my brothers wife turned 46 it was pure hell for the both of them. They never had a bad word for each other in the 22 years they where together. What is the comunication like ? Every one needs a break, maybe plan a small trip for a few days good luck ItsTime
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#9
07-02-2007, 11:07
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My wife is 35 years of age.
She's an extremely intelligent and heart warm person. Speaks good English and plenty of Swedish to. We communicate well on topics that relate to day to day life. However, we do not share the same interest in her religious beliefs. My wife is somewhat of an cosmopolitan girl moving to the country side. She's had difficulty in finding friends to talk to in the beginning, but after starting this chinese stuff, she found plenty of like minded people. (Mostly affluent/smart chinese by the way) I am sure she must have felt/feel depressed about something, just can't put my finger exactly on what's triggered it. It's probably an whole array of small factors weighing in... We do not stay like ordinary couples do. Her parents are living in the same house. At the beginning I never thought much about it, and actually enjoyed their company, (their really nice folks). They also help out alot in our rice business. I think my wife's been feeling the pressure of being the "baby to them" and "wife to me", to much to coup with as she's grown older. Holidays have been rare, as her parents, in true chinese fashion keeps the business open 7 days a week. I'm partly to blame for this to. I've been to lazy many times to take a "time off", when we surely needed it. I think it doesn't matter where you stay, or what you do. After a while you will create habits, or walking a pre-determined path everyday. Doing this in the long run, without "change of flavour", will undoubtedly lead to boredom. We don't have any serious problems between each other, (had some in the past). Life is actually going reasonably smooth, beside what has happened lately. My only option at this stage is to try to create some breathingroom I think. I'm well aware of the fact that if my wife had to choose, staying with me or her parents, parents would always come out on top. That's just how things work down here.
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#10
09-02-2007, 11:13
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Some hopefully positive news came down the pipe today.
I applied for this job as a "Customer Relation Manager" at a Swedish luxury property firm, in Chonburi. They called me back, and want me to go up for an interview  If I get it, i'll have all the breathing room in the world from my estranged wife. I'll probably go up there in a couple of days. Fingers crossed !!!
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#12
09-02-2007, 12:24
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Welcome mate!
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#13
09-02-2007, 12:43
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Sabajjto,
Sorry hear about the unwelcome turns your life. Recently I was at a "same-same, but different" state in my life and spent too much time looking down rather than up. It took a bit of a grip to move forward, but I soon found that bits of support can come from all directions and sometimes when you least expect it; including from members of this board. I remember from years ago when a friend had a terrible experience in his life another friend said: "Nothing is ever so bad that it is not good for something". That can sound heartless to say, but nonetheless you need to find out what the hell is good about this. Personally, I have started to see some of the good, that took some serious losses to come about. Good luck with your interview mate and may it be a turn for the better
__________________
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#14
09-02-2007, 12:57
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Thanks everyone for the pep talk.
It really helps to be able to come here and speak my mind. I've been on a downer ever since this happened, and getting your feedback truly has helped.Thanks. This is one hole i'm determined to dig myself out of. I'll be back to tell you how things are going with my new path later on. Last edited by Sabajjto : 09-02-2007 at 13:58.
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#15
10-02-2007, 09:31
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Good on ya mate.
Sorry to hear about everything that has happened,i hope everything works out for the better for you and your wife. Reading from your first post to now, you already sound like a changed person (happy) no offence to wife and family. Good Luck with the interview mate and hope to hear from you about your progress. Take care
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