is it a bad idea ?

[karma]

hi guys. just got reg the other day, tho feels i've been a member of this board a long time, since my googeling for answers ended up in this great place numerous of times over the last 6 months.
anyway to the point. been in los 4 times. met a lot of girls always had a great time. in dec 2006 i went again and decided to try hua hin. 2 days b4 going home i met a girl, and spent the last 2 days with her. we stayed in contact and i was a bit surprised finding myself in love with her after a few weeks. the only downside i could see(in the beginning) was her being only 22 yo, as im 37. anyway, i realized after 5 months she's not for me, and the fire i had for her is gone by now. we've had some serious plans for my nex trip, and she knows im coming back to los in about 3 weeks, but she dont know im not coming to see her ( of which im sure of now ). the problem is i cant imagine not going back to hua hin. i've been in pattay and phuket and loved both, but i simply want to back to hh. . if i know myself right i'll meet some girl in nana or soi cowboy and bring with me, or find a girl in hh to stay with throughout the whole stay. now, what i wonder.. i've heard from friends that tg's can get quite violent about these things and make u regret ever meeting them. even if not, i dont like the idea of walking the streets/beach with another girl and bump into her when she's not even aware of me being in her city. and that will happen as hh is a very small place. it would feel like im humiliating her. im not saying she's madly in love with me, but for sure she's planning a life with me, that i know.
really dunno what to do. would be so simple if the idea of getting back to hh wasnt stuck in my mind like it is. i already knew thats the place im going to return to in future visits b4 i met her. anyway.. great place here to find answers and interesting reading
and any advice for me would be appreciated.. cheers

[MrDK]

Tell her the truth ASAP. She deserves that.

It is not fair that you allow her to make plans for the future, even if just in her mind. If you come strolling with another girl without her knowing the facts there is going to be loss of face big time ... not to mention her being heartbroken.

I cannot give you any guidance as to how violent the girl may or may not become, however, I too have heard stories, so why provoke it.
When you tell her over the phone you'll probably get an idea of her reaction, then you can make a judgement as to whether you want to visit Hau Hin.

...oh by the way, Welcome to the board

[karma]

i havent been absolutely sure of how i feel about her until right now. of course i will let her know the truth, was planing on telling her tonight. would never go there like that without telling her, and wont go at all if i suspect she will be really hurt. but even if she sounds ok on the phone i dont know if to 'take a chance' on going to hh anyway.. since the stories i've heard of violence.

[ub2yoo]

Originally Posted by karma

i havent been absolutely sure of how i feel about her until right now. of course i will let her know the truth, was planing on telling her tonight. would never go there like that without telling her, and wont go at all if i suspect she will be really hurt. but even if she sounds ok on the phone i dont know if to 'take a chance' on going to hh anyway.. since the stories i've heard of violence.

That very same time you are seriously grilling your mind thinking of a way out, what to do, where to spend your holiday, with whom, what would happen if doing it this way, is it better the other way etc. etc. that very same girl might have a nice dance with someone else tonight.

Get straight, free your mind, stop thinking too much and have fun. My advise for you.

[Nanook]

Welcome to the board Karma. And as for as your question, I think you need to be honest with her and I agree with MrDK's point of view.

[ThaiLearner]

Originally Posted by MrDK

Tell her the truth ASAP. She deserves that.

It is not fair that you allow her to make plans for the future, even if just in her mind. If you come strolling with another girl without her knowing the facts there is going to be loss of face big time ... not to mention her being heartbroken.

I cannot give you any guidance as to how violent the girl may or may not become, however, I too have heard stories, so why provoke it.
When you tell her over the phone you'll probably get an idea of her reaction, then you can make a judgement as to whether you want to visit Hau Hin.

...oh by the way, Welcome to the board

I Totally agree with this as well

[Spector]

Originally Posted by karma

i havent been absolutely sure of how i feel about her until right now. of course i will let her know the truth, was planing on telling her tonight. would never go there like that without telling her, and wont go at all if i suspect she will be really hurt. but even if she sounds ok on the phone i dont know if to 'take a chance' on going to hh anyway.. since the stories i've heard of violence.

Welcome Karma....Guess you gave yourself good advise...I agree. Enjoy your trip.

[luv u long time]

welcome to the board karma.....
Mate im off to LOS in 3 weeks time and i also had the same problem with a tg from patong and felt the same as you are feeling.. it had me stuffed for a while thinking what to do and how.. they are also human and have hearts so i thought id do the right thing and tell her before i go so i dont feel uncomfortable while im there and so she doesnt lose face.. i told her last week and as expected she was upset and crying, i felt like a bast**d but it took a load off mi back and felt good.. now im relaxed and just purchased myself 5 cartons of condoms patong here i come.....
well good luck mate im sure you'll be right...

[JayBee]

Originally Posted by ub2yoo;

That very same time you are seriously grilling your mind thinking of a way out, what to do, where to spend your holiday, with whom, what would happen if doing it this way, is it better the other way etc. etc. that very same girl might have a nice dance with someone else tonight.

Get straight, free your mind, stop thinking too much and have fun. My advise for you.

I'm with ub2yoo on this one. I've stopped counting the number of times I've had girls planning out our future on emails or texts, only to suddenly stop hearing from them, then find out they are hooked up with another guy. Because I only go once a year for 3 months, then am absent for nine months, it happens nearly every time. Lately, I have one trying to get me to sponsor her, when I am 90% sure she has already picked up a sponsor since I left. I guess two sponsors are better than one!!

The point is that if she is attractive enough to have made such a big impression on you, then you are surely not the only one on her email list, and not the only one she is making plans with. This year I am playing the game with several of them, 'cause I know that is the way they play it.

Tell her the score, of course! But don't worry about it. Have fun!!

[shanghai]

Hi Karma and welcome. HH is nice but there are lots of beautiful places. If you still have any feelings for this girl they will probably return when you go to HH anf that could mess up your holiday either because you see her with someone else or you are with another girl and you really want to be with the other one(hope that is clear).
I agree with everyone else, tell her asap and move on.
enjoy your holiday

[Neon]

I hope you read my post before making your decision about telling the truth or not, just another point of view for your food for thought.
I have just returned yesterday from my 3rd trip to LOS, I had the same TGF on my first 2 trips, and whilst drunk, stupidly had promised to return to be with her on my 3rd trip, however, I fell out of love with her for various personal reasons, and made the apocolyptic mistake of not telling her, I should have had the balls and courtesy to phone and explain, but I just let it go. I bumped into her on my 4th night whilst with my current TGF, oh dear !!!! She wanted to talk to me and I spent the next half an hour being verbally castrated, she had no interest in what I tried to say, because in her eyes I was a bad man, dishonest, and untrustworthy, basically a liar, which in a TG's eyes is probably the lowest of the low, my only expectations where to leave as good friends, no chance, In the end I appologised for being a twat and left, then I had to explain everything to my TGF who as you can imagine was now suspicious about me etc etc etc. A few nights later whilst sat in another bar with my TGF and her friends, the ex walks in and demands I fall off the face of the planet, she then walked out and a few minutes later returned with 7 thai males and pointed me out to them. Now I am a big chap, over 6'1" tall, I train very very hard in the gym, and if trouble presents itself one on one then so be it. However I sh*t myself, I know the score about thai men and in numbers what they are quite capable of, I decided to beat a hasty retreat with my friends, there was no way I wanted to end up in hospital, or worse the monkey house, and I don't know any of the MIB out there, so I think it was the right move. I should think this is a little extreme comparably to your situation, but the lesson I have learnt and is etched on my small brain, NEVER LIE TO THAI GIRLFRIENDS !
Best of luck with your dilema mate.

[keith67]

Originally Posted by Neon

I hope you read my post before making your decision about telling the truth or not, just another point of view for your food for thought.
I have just returned yesterday from my 3rd trip to LOS, I had the same TGF on my first 2 trips, and whilst drunk, stupidly had promised to return to be with her on my 3rd trip, however, I fell out of love with her for various personal reasons, and made the apocolyptic mistake of not telling her, I should have had the balls and courtesy to phone and explain, but I just let it go. I bumped into her on my 4th night whilst with my current TGF, oh dear !!!! She wanted to talk to me and I spent the next half an hour being verbally castrated, she had no interest in what I tried to say, because in her eyes I was a bad man, dishonest, and untrustworthy, basically a liar, which in a TG's eyes is probably the lowest of the low, my only expectations where to leave as good friends, no chance, In the end I appologised for being a twat and left, then I had to explain everything to my TGF who as you can imagine was now suspicious about me etc etc etc. A few nights later whilst sat in another bar with my TGF and her friends, the ex walks in and demands I fall off the face of the planet, she then walked out and a few minutes later returned with 7 thai males and pointed me out to them. Now I am a big chap, over 6'1" tall, I train very very hard in the gym, and if trouble presents itself one on one then so be it. However I sh*t myself, I know the score about thai men and in numbers what they are quite capable of, I decided to beat a hasty retreat with my friends, there was no way I wanted to end up in hospital, or worse the monkey house, and I don't know any of the MIB out there, so I think it was the right move. I should think this is a little extreme comparably to your situation, but the lesson I have learnt and is etched on my small brain, NEVER LIE TO THAI GIRLFRIENDS !
Best of luck with your dilema mate.

Agree with everything you say except that it is not a little extreme it is quite a common thing, if he doesn't tell her and meets her while with another bg he will face pretty much the same problems you did, my advice would be treat her the way you would want to be treated, how would you feel if you still felt the same way about her as when you first met and went to meet her and she was with another guy

[JayBee]

Originally Posted by wanttogobacknow;

Agree with everything you say except that it is not a little extreme it is quite a common thing, if he doesn't tell her and meets her while with another bg he will face pretty much the same problems you did, my advice would be treat her the way you would want to be treated, how would you feel if you still felt the same way about her as when you first met and went to meet her and she was with another guy

Good advice!

[MadNomad]

It seems everyday I learn soething new. Great advice. Thanks all.

[karma]

it was never a question wether i would tell her or not. hell i would not go down there in company with another girl for all the money in the world without telling her, n1 coz i wouldnt wanna hurt her. the part about bumping into her with another girl was meant if i already had told her, but still could expect violence in any way. well we just talked 10 min ago and i told her its over. i told her maybe i would return for a few days to hh, and she then started yes plzzzz, come see me we be friends.. that, and what shanghai said about feelings returning, which i thought about too, made me start looking at hotels in pattaya..
ur right mr dk. why provoke it.

[JayBee]

Originally Posted by karma;

it was never a question wether i would tell her or not. hell i would not go down there in company with another girl for all the money in the world without telling her, n1 coz i wouldnt wanna hurt her. the part about bumping into her with another girl was meant if i already had told her, but still could expect violence in any way. well we just talked 10 min ago and i told her its over. i told her maybe i would return for a few days to hh, and she then started yes plzzzz, come see me we be friends.. that, and what shanghai said about feelings returning, which i thought about too, made me start looking at hotels in pattaya..
ur right mr dk. why provoke it.

Which goes to show that they are not all nut cases. A lot of girls will say, "No pobpem. We be friends, OK?"

Sometimes you get a nut, sometimes you don't.

You did the right thing, Karma. Whether you go to HH or not, is up to you. Would not hurt to give it a miss this trip. But if you really like it too much, then I think it will be OK to go there. Up to you! But, as said, you might be surprised the feelings that could come up, if you see her again. Some girls just have a way of getting to you

[keith67]

Originally Posted by karma

it was never a question wether i would tell her or not. hell i would not go down there in company with another girl for all the money in the world without telling her, n1 coz i wouldnt wanna hurt her. the part about bumping into her with another girl was meant if i already had told her, but still could expect violence in any way. well we just talked 10 min ago and i told her its over. i told her maybe i would return for a few days to hh, and she then started yes plzzzz, come see me we be friends.. that, and what shanghai said about feelings returning, which i thought about too, made me start looking at hotels in pattaya..
ur right mr dk. why provoke it.

Good move to think about Pattaya for the next trip and have a good one...