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#1
04-01-2006, 18:51
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Sharing something and asking for advice...
I've trying to write this down and post it more times that I can count and I have always ended deleting the post before hitting the submite button... Anyhow, I can't do so anymore since I've to come to a decision and I somehow don't know what to do. So I'm asking you and if you have any kind of advice about what I could do, feel free to give some advice, PM if it feels better and rest assure I'm not a sqealer so anything said will stay there.
Here it goes... About 3 years ago, I meet a girl (from the Philippines) but it was not in person, she was a penfriend. Of course we did alot of innocent flirting and exchanged daily mails and texts. Then of course we exchanged lots of pics and so on and on. A year after knwong this girl and being in "between girlfriends" I decided to meet her in person and met her in Boracay. I can say I had the time of my life and we did it all, everything there is todo we did it  yet the two weeks costed me about 700 € including food in the best restos and party out pretty much every night. I even met her mom and family since they all were waiting for me at the hotel in Manila and it was so great and most of all fun since I got presents and everything and well I fell a little odd coz her mom kept calling "son"... 55555.... Anyhow, this (for me) very beautiful girl was 22 at the time and after the two week I fell deeply for her. Everything so far is gold and green forrests, however shortly after I departed and came back home a very unfortune misunderstand happend between us and I backed off from making any effort in making a union with her possible. In short, my heart was broken. I did what I assume most guys would do and pulled my shit up by starting a new life and not including this lady. She insisted to still keep in touch with me and so we did but I was a cold bastard towards her and still she kept texting and emailing everyday trying to explain things and begging me to understand so that we could get back together. I won't go in detail about the misunderstanding part but I will state that it was my fault and lack of self confidence what caused it coz it's the truth... A year passed and thou I dated as much I could and thou I never lied to her about who I was seeing she stayed around and kept telling me everyday how much she still hopes we can find our way back to each other etc etc. I should mention that after what happened in Boracay her status at home sank to the bottom as her mom was furious, I spoke to her mom over the phone and I heard the more or less hate in her voice, at least towards me. Well as I said we kept in touch and I walked my own path and she kept following me until the last time I broke up with a "home girl" which is pretty much the time I became a member here  I suggested we could make an effort and see if we can get what we once had and she was all fire about it and seemed very happy. When I told her a was going to Thailand she asked me if we could meet again and at first I was going to (that's why I asked a bit about hotels in Bangkok) but after some thinking (with my brain this time) I decided it would be a better idea not to meet her during this trip. Of course I told her I was going to refairn from the whole bar scene and just have fun and visit a few people that in a way got to know... We kept in touch (I only by texts) and pretty much everyday, thou I could only send her a couple of texts a day coz it was a bit difficult to find time alone but somehow I did. After this trip we keep in touch but it's only by texting and the reason for this is because I have about ten mails of her waiting and along with some answers, answers that I'm avoiding to give since I don't know what to do. This girl is not a bargirl, I very much doubt that coz when we met and in general she's feels to me more of a person to try to seem experienced but in fact in quite innocent... While a girl I met in Patong is the other way around, she feels extremly experienced but try to seem very innocent... I'll soon come to comment about this thai lady. The other thing about my filipina girl is that she has never and I repeat never asked me for money... Not a penny, I did pay for her ticket (Manila-Kalibo) when we went to Boracay together and gave her money for her to buy things when we met but she never ever asked for any and I know she has some financial difficulties when it comes to texting and just to give you an idea, we exchange about 10 texts on an avarage day... Somehow the problem at this moment is that during the "misunderstanding time" I some cut her lose and de-attached me from her, at least sentimentally speaking. And during this last trip I found a nice lady, I like her alot and we funtion well together, thou her english skills are almost none existing she tood the time and effort to ask me about my life and shared awhole bunch about hers. We really connected well (in my opinion). Unfortunatelly alot have been said and too fast between this thai lady and me and I don't feel good about keeping two people "around" just because it would be comfy to do so, it's simply not fair. Anyway, I haven't been home a month yet and the first financial aid question already arrived, it may be the thai way of life in which I become somekind of provider and therefor a just requirment but it just may be a swindle and I'm to become one in a line of "sponsors". Of course after a short while I'll find out one way or an other but here comes the problem, if I chose to do so I'll have to let go of a girl (the filipina lady) that may be the best thing that happened to an ugly shít like me... This have to be decided now since it's the right thing to do but I'm a bit confused especially since things with the thai lady (I think) have alot of potential, if it's real. Thou I have a feeling in my gut that keeps warning me to activate and run "both firewall and antivirus"  I know I have posted loads of crap post but if anyone have wise advice after experience and/or knowlege then please share some, I could really use the help. Thank you.
__________________
The man who said "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush" has been putting his bird in the wrong bushes. 
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#2
04-01-2006, 20:25
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L4L,
I know the Philipines a little, in fact my best friend is married to a filipina. All starts with the difference in religion. Philipines is (very) Catholic. They were a Spanish colony for 300 years, and then got the Yanks for another 100 years. Thai's are Budhist. There is a difference in mentality between both people. Mind you, also the filipina will send money to mama and papa, but mariage is the first priority, then family. But a lot of times I was told that in the Philipines of 22 years is an old spinster. They have to get married very young. When I did trips with my friends in the Philipines my friends wife allways wanted to match me with her friends, 25-28 year olds with own business, car etc. First goal for filipina's is marrying, even more than for Thai's. Look at the number of filipina's you see trying to catch a husband on internet or dating agencies, just like you met her. Personally, I also think filipina's are better marying stuff than Thai's, and being Catholic their idea's are closer to European lifestyle. As I am not the marying kind, I continue butterflying in Thailand, but that is as far as it goes for me. Off course, in Thailand also you can find somebody,like some expat BM's. But expat live in Thailand, and they all say that it is a relation with a Thai lady if you don't live together all the time. But filipina's are the marying kind. Of course, some BM's may disagree, as this is only my personal opinion
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#3
18-01-2006, 18:12
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To a great extend, I agree with Captain. It's a difference in culture, to use a cliché. Asking for money by BG's is all part of the greater scheme, where status and family background are important - very important - for all Thai, and where those who are rich pick up the bill. All bills, at risk of losing their face when not picking them up.
And as a farang, you are rich by definition. That having said, that same cultural difference holds many more aspects, you might or might not like. Always follow your heart. Your heart knows where you will feel at home best.
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#4
19-01-2006, 01:24
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latino,
i dont know if you want to share it, but it would be easier to give advice if we knew the misunderstanding. as far as the tg, if u get a request for money in that short period of a time, your a customer and nothing more, plain and simple.
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#5
20-01-2006, 15:50
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L4L
You have not really indicated whether you are actually looking for a wife....presuming you are and that you could afford to support someone, l think l would be inclined to make a Tourist Visa for the Phillipina girl seeing you have had a long history with her and you still seem reasonably keen on her....and see how it goes....once that is completed and she is back home maybe things will be a whole lot clearer. If you are not that keen on her anymore, try and move on....maybe difficult but in the long run good for both of you.
__________________
 HHplc Rose Tinted Glasses 6999 Baht each....Order NOW via PM....A Must for First Time Visitors to Phuket 
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#6
21-01-2006, 01:28
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Dude I know exactly what you're talking about. I am Filipino and I did meet a beautiful Filipina girl in a trip to the Philippines 10 yrs ago. Filipinos are very family and marriage oriented. It's not uncommon for a girl to have a pen-relationship with someone doesn't see very much in person but become very attached. Feelings linger a while as well. There was still some strong tension between us a few years back after a followup trip even if the girl that I had met before had married and had kids.
As far as not asking for money, it may be possible that she's thinking in the long term. I mean she's could be looking for someone to take care of her or her family's future. She's probably serious relationship, no screwing around material. Captain, is almost spot on with cultural differences. You'll deal with less differences because is the Philippines very Western in their ideals. The Western pop culture and TV shows are really popular. Hell, they teach their curriculum entirely in English with the exception of the Talaglog language class. It all depends on what you want. Only you can telll yourself what you want to do. I've never been with a Thai girl so I don't know how they're like but I can tell you your Filipina girl isn't a bad choice if you're ready for a serious relationship. You already know each other sometime. You even spoke to her mom which is a big thing. Getting serious is the next logical progresssion. If you're not ready but just like the affection and company you can stick with the TG you're currently dating. The only thing is it may lead somewhere or not. Or there's the last option. You can see both during your upcoming trip and see where you heart or loins lead you.
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#7
21-01-2006, 01:33
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all i know is expats in hong kong, who have good amount of dealings with both tg and philly girls, swear by the philly girls over tg's.
they all distrust tg's and say that the philly girls are all less money hungry and more loyal
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#8
21-01-2006, 01:50
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Advice
I don't have much experience but learning every day. Sounds like you are heading in the right direction. As for as the money question, it's my understanding the Philippina and Thai ladies expect or might ask for some type of financial contribution for helping their family members. The main thing is to let her know what you can and can not provide. And let her know that you need money for the two of you to survive and live in a financial comfort zone as well.
If you are really hooked on the girl who's asking for financial assistance, talk it over with her and see if you can get an understanding. If she truly want you for you, she'll understand and work with you. Right now I have a few friends in the Philippines and a few in Thailand. I've met one in Thailand. It's equal across the board. 1 or 2 of the filipinas are self supportive and 1 or 2 are very short on cash. The same with my friends from Thailand. Talk it out. See if you can work it out and go from there. Best wishes.
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#9
21-01-2006, 11:14
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Quote:
I have heard similar.. Dont have enough PI girl experience (can you ever have enough  ) to comment and also sweeping generlizations are very dangerous but when you hear something enough times you start to think there has to be a grain of truth..
__________________
Men have only 2 emotional states, hungry and horny.. So ladies, if you see me without an erection, make me a sandwich.
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#10
21-01-2006, 14:59
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Who's wearing the crown
I worked with a Phillipino guy for a couple of years.
He told me this: Don't ever marry a Phillipino girl. You go to bed wearing the crown but when you wake up in the morning.... She's wearing it!!!!! Steve
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#11
01-02-2006, 22:10
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If it feels right ...its right and if it turned out wrong.... well then at least you tried.
Nothing is ever perfect but somethings come really really close to it. I think you should stay in touch and take your time to enjoy being with this PI girl. A lot of what gets said here is bullpucky but I think you already know what you want. Good luck with that man.
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#12
02-02-2006, 01:05
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I have met a few ladies while I have been in the PI, all of them are BG or go go girls. The first one was a cutey, lots of energy but she drove me cravy whenever I was about to go back to US so dumped her. The next girl I met on the last night of my second trip with the first girl. The first girl had gotten me pissed off and I did not spend my last night with her at the resort and then I went to Manila for the last night of my trip. This girl worked in Makati in a go go and was insatiable in bed. We had a great time that night and she e-mailed me a few weeks after I go back to the US. 2 weeks later she tried to hit me up for money for a flight to Hong Kong. I explained to her that we only spent 1 night together and I would not send any money. We kept in touch and I told her that I would be coming back to Manila and invited her to stay with me for a few days. She met me at the airport with her 16 year old sister(who was gourgeous) and I had a nice time with them(sister went out with us every night but went home every night(I am a good boy) so I invited her to go to the resort that I was going to with me. She had quit working so no problem for her and no big Makati Avenue Barfine. She stayed with me for 13 nights at the resort and we hads a good time. But she really wanted me to go Bareback with her(so that she could get pregnant) and I brought her sister and a friend over to the resort and she got jealous when I danced with her friend but the poor girl was sitting arounds with nothing to do as the club was empty but the music was going off. I gave her some money at the end and paid for everything that her and her sister did with me. Then after I got back to US and I had invited her and her sister on my next trip, she tried to get me to take her parents, pretending that she did not understand me when I told her that I had reserved the family room with 2 bedrooms, one for us and 1 for her sister. Then she went to Singapore for work. And lied to me about it so that was the last straw.
My last trip I met 2 girls, one who I really liked but who was really messed up because of a broken relationship with a Danish guy but who I would like to spend more time with as she is smart, sexy, and great looking, and a shy, quiet, sexy girl who does not have much education but is fun to be with. I was e-mailing back and forth with the first girl for a month but she has not responded to my last 2 e-mails in a month. The other girl can not wait to see me again as she lives in a pretty poor part of the country and has very few decent job opportunities so anything that she can do to get away from her home is great for her. Just she would have trouble doing anything here. Being as old as I am, I look at the girls from 2 points of view. Will they be fun to be with on my trip for whatever reason? Will they be able to work in the US if I ever get that serious about them? Only 1 of the PI girls that I have ever met have asked for money, so that is different than most Thai girls. Good luck with what you decide to do Latino. Not sure if this will help but just a history of what has happened to me in the PI.
__________________
variety is the spice of life. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Mav's a hasher, not a basher, Tell me it ain't so! Mav, he sits on ice, says it feels nice, enjoyed it so much, he did it twice.
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#13
08-02-2006, 04:59
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Quote:
I agree Captain made an exelent point, I've been thinking long and hard yet I'm still not certain what to do. You're absolutely right about they assuming just because a guy is a farang his rich... I told the thai lady that I'm noway near rich, I do make a nice living but not rich and she gave me this "yeah right" look... I don't think I'm quite ready to get seriously involved with someone, at least not get married anyway. Thanks for your opinion and advice  Quote:
Hehehe... I don't want to share the misunderstanding part coz it's kinda private, however that is resolved and it's not an issue anymore. It did lots of damage but it doesn't hurt anymore since I finaly realized what she meant. You have alot more experience than me when it comes to BGs and TGs so I guess you're right and I guess I'm a customer to her. Somehow it doesn't bother me, in fact I already sent her some money and I even may send her some more. Stupid it may seem to many if not all of you but I see it in a difirent way coz the wonderful treatment I received from this BG for the 10 days I was with her costed me less than 1 night with a "call girl" in any European country even if I send her a few more grands and the most cute thing is that she offers me to stay with me for free I know it's most certain a strategic move but still cute... However if I would learn that my filipina princess is in for the money it would break my heart. Thanks for the attention Marc.Quote:
I'm not looking for a wife, if I meet a girl that I feel I want to spend the rest of my life with I would go for it... I think... I gotta admit I can imagine my life without the filipina girl eventhou we're apart but still we text each other everyday and exchange mails and pics. And yes I could support a girl and my self even here in farang land. I thought about getting her here but if I do so I'm certain she'll get pregnant and if that happens I'll marry her coz then it's not just the two of us, it's also an innocent life involved and I won't turn my back, she knows that... Thank you for your advice Quote:
Kumusta Lucky! I know many filipinas are into this penpalship thingie and looking for a potential husband. My filipina beauty is no different, however what I admire is her persistance and endurance. And the fact that she's not a BG or gogo girl. In fact when we met I got the strong impression she's an innocent girl trying to appear "experienced" and with every girl I met in Thailand it was the other way around, experienced girls trying to appear innocent. I also agree that she's not screwing around, I offered to help her aout at least with some money to cover text expencies but she politely refused my proposal. Somehow if I would have to choose I would choose my filipina girl but I don't know if we should go that far and get married, at least not yet. I was married before (with a girl from Finland) but that didn't go well and we got divorced thou she's still my best friend and she actually adviced me to write down every time I think about my filipina girl and everytime I think about the thai lady. I measured in "texts" and I text my filipina about 10-15 times a day regardless how many texts she send me, which is about 8 a day give or take. While I text the thai girl an avarage of 5 texts coz that's the amount she sends me, well soemtimes she send me upto 10 but not very often since she has no money  at least that's what she says, I bet she has more money than I do. If I could have it my way I would like my filipina girl to give me more time and I would like to "explore" more of what Thailand has to offer. How things goes with the thai lady is not very relevant but I would very much like to be her friend if anything. Thanks a bunch for your opinion.Quote:
Thanks for advice Roaddwag, I can imagine my filipina would like to help out her family, actually her two sisters however she has never mentioned any amounts and never asked for any financial help during the years I have known her, in fact she told me that she is old fashion and woul like to stay home and take care of the household and family (children and me) but if there is a need of more income she would be happy to work and earn money too. That was kinda cute and I wouldn't mind that but in Sweden she'll get about 500 dollars every month just for being unemplyed and I figured that she can send to her family... When it comes to the thai lady.. Oh dear... That would be impossible for now, I mean stablish some delicated communication since her english is extremly limitated. Mine is not very good either but at this point it's not possible to communicate with her that seriously. Thanks for your help man!
__________________
The man who said "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush" has been putting his bird in the wrong bushes.
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#14
08-02-2006, 05:45
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Quote:
Hehehe... Well I woke up like a king every morning when she was beside me and after that I started to call her "beautiful queen" I "gave her" some other names such as "my pacific ocean pearl", "my delicated tropical flower", "my sexy C.I.A. agnet" (coz she keeps record of every text I send her and print out my mails etc etc). In fact I rarerly address a girl I'm with by name, standard is "baby" or "princess". Thanks for the advice and your friend may be right, if I marry her I may wake up someday like a subject and she as the queen...   Thanks for your advice Senor  Quote:
Good comment Oggy, I could honestly say it feels right to keep my filipina girl but I don't know about getting married thou if I would have to marry someone it would be her I think... The think is that if I don't go for it I may lose her and I don't want that and at the same time keeping her "hanging" is not fair to her, she's a wonderful woman in every way and certainly deserves a good man. I still haven't told her about my "adventures" in Thailand and to think I would like to have some adventures in Brazil and any eastern country like Russia before settling down for good. I'm going to Phuket in April and I may meet her there (buy her a ticket) coz if I meet her in pinas that will be it and I'm certain it'll be marriage issues... Thanks for the help Quote:
Thanks for bringing this to my attention Seafox and it certainly did help. I could say I would have great fun with my filipina girl and I can't think of any girl that knows me better both in and outside the bedroom except for my exwife. Thou my filipina girl knows me better than any woman in the bedroom evnthou we only spended 2 weeks together, I have to admit she got to know me better and what I really really like after we met, and by text and mail communication. I've had lots of filipina pens and only one asked me for money, quite harmless amounts thou (60 dolares ) that was kinda cute so I sent her chocolates and a postcard. Two weeks later she texted me thank me for the chocolates and she told me she ate them right away coz she was hungry 55555555Not long ago I got a text from the thai lady and she wrote "I don't want girlfriend with u" which I understood as "I don't want to be your girlfriend" and of course I immediatelly offered my friendship and showed my gratitude for her honesty. I thought that it was kinda sign and I went for the break up but she texted me right away excusing her self that it was a misunderstanding and that it was due to her poor english skills. Further more she also told me she meant to say that she doesn't want to be just my "lady" but something more serious but I insisted that we should remain friends in my last text to her that night as I went to bed... Next morning I found 26 texts from her and 52 missed calls from her number... It took me a while to read all the texts and I did so on my way to work and my phone kept ringing, the cutest thing was that she even left me a massage in my voice mail To calm things down and since it's my company cellphone I agreed to continue things thou I tuned down the romance part. It seems like thai ladies don't accept easely a "dear John" letter or text. I thought that was more or less a filipina trade. Anyway thanks for your opinion
__________________
The man who said "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush" has been putting his bird in the wrong bushes.
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