Holding Hands PLC

[Mav]

Well Alfie and l are very pleased to announce that we have completed our first case, and was able to assist a fellow BM in making his girl accountable.........only trouble is the BM has not been accountable......ie, coming forth with some baht.

Now we at HH Plc are not really into name and shame.....but expenses have to be met (Alfie's Soup Bill for one)......so to that particular BM l would suggest he do the right thing and give our Accounts Executive (Alfie) a call and sought things out.......we have a generous repayment scheme available at a near enough to market interest rates.......hell, we don't wanna bring the heavies in, but fairs fair.

We are also very happy to announce that we will soon have a man on the ground in Patong as there is a big case to crack......he is an experienced campaigner.....so we are expecting results from him.....he is on a Sub Contract basis at the moment until he can prove his worth to our corporate climbing company........so to all bg's and BM's in Patong at the moment..........tread carefully........you may be tailed.

Alfie is also looking at starting some charity work in Bkk.......and mumbled something about charity starting at home.

[Mav]

Originally Posted by Mav

We are also very happy to announce that we will soon have a man on the ground in Patong as there is a big case to crack......he is an experienced campaigner.....so we are expecting results from him.....he is on a Sub Contract basis at the moment until he can prove his worth to our corporate climbing company........so to all bg's and BM's in Patong at the moment..........tread carefully........you may be tailed.

Our man on the ground, Agent Undies McKilt, has reported that his survelliance has been quite successful......and will be able to table a report very soon to HHPLC Board of Directors. watch this space.

We still have an outstanding debt....which is quite concerning to us....however we believe this BM will see the error of his ways, and forward a remittance very shortly.....this is proving very annoying as this was a job very dear to us here at HHPLC.

Alfie is on the job in Bkk (his words exactly) and is also tailing a gay thai guy for a farang who has romance on his mind......lets hope Alfie does not get survelliance mixed up with rustling....he ain't too bright Agent Alfie but he has a good heart.....bit like Maxwell Smart but with no 99 to help him out.....l have also told him a mesh shirt is not appropriate Corporate attire.

[easyrider_au]

Mav, I think you should name the BM who's avoiding paying his debt !

[dizbuster]

Originally Posted by Alfie

...And to coin a phrase "Loose Lips Sink Ships"

Is it Captain then ??

[Mav]

Originally Posted by Alfie

Confidentiality!!

Another suspect was busted last night, and another job well done.
I busted my balls (literally) to catch this one.
HHplc is going from strength to strength.
What with HHplc and Bkk Meshers, i dont know how i get time t have fun...

Alfie l need to talk to you about your under cover work.......you are not suppose to Fcuk the girls just see if they are "up 4 it".........l will have to PM you about this.........l'm afraid a formal warning is on it's way.

........and please do not mention that "other" group you are involved in, on the HHPLC thread, as some of our potential clients may be homophobic.

[Mav]

Well another coup needs reporting......whilst Alfie is out of the country (LOS) HHPLC has replaced him with Gee Spot who is now Co Director of this rapidly growing Corporate vehicle. Gee will be moving to Bkk soon, to be totally "Hands On"......although hands on what is still open for discussion.

Gee assures me his stable married life will fit in well with the position and recent events in Bkk, and last years in Patong were influenced by issues that he now has a firm grip on. I beleived this reformed character will represent the valued name of HHPLC in a glowing manner.

I will not go into why Alfie has been replaced however corporate image is an essential part of business.....let's just leave it at that.......oh, we also received our Bank Statement couple of weeks ago......seems that we here at HHPLC have been supporting someone's filthy perverted lifestyle !

[Mav]

Originally Posted by Mav

Well another coup needs reporting......whilst Alfie is out of the country (LOS) HHPLC has replaced him with Gee Spot who is now Co Director of this rapidly growing Corporate vehicle.

Alfie was given the news this evening about his dismissal and has taken the news poorly.....He has threatened legal action and is proberly this minute looking to see if LOS has Legal Aid for the less fortunate.....good luvck with that project!.....be careful consumers if he attempts to run a renegade PI business in direct competition......he's a light weight in the REAL corporate world.

Meanwhile HHPLC is still climbing the Corporate Ladder.....with Co Director Gee Spot aka Agent Undies McKilt flying into Bkk in a few weeks.

We are also please to announce we have a new man on the ground in Patong....Agent Soggy Biscuit.....not too much info there as we cannot afford to blow his cover....needless to say he does not possess the drinking problem McKilt does.....although he does like a sip.

[LivinLOS]

Agent Soggy biscuit.. Losing out to the competition..

Shudder !!

[Mav]

Originally Posted by Alfie

Your thread and company is going down faster than G in Nana
The name HHplc is copyrighted and owned by me, so you better look for another name, how about BFplc..
No... Not Bar Fine, Baldy & Fatso, is more apropriate i think.
Without me pulling the strings, you will be fcuked, you have overlooked my wealth of local knowledge and experience in dealing with ladies of the night.
My ability to mingle and eat soup with the locals, my extensive understanding of local transport networks and locales.
The only place McKilt knows is Nana and Cowboy, even then he has to get a taxi driver to take him there.
I'm not bitter, just want you to realise what a big mistake you have made.
e.g
Most of the places the BGs live have no lift, only stairs, how do you reckon McKilt will cope with 10 flights??? Thats assuming he can find it.
This new agent in Patong should be called Wet Lettuice, or is that your new company name?
Ask yourself, what lengths this guy will goto to crack the case.
I mean, would he shag Ronnie? ...
Nobody is better than me at PI. Sacking me is like shooting yourself in the foot/having your hands chopped off/loosing your drivers licence.
Although i legally own the name "HHplc" i will not be using it, as i dont want people associating it with you and your motley crew, i will announce a new, revamped, reformed PI business name in the next couple of days.

Agent Mesh, signing off for the last time.

You Local knowledge amounts to knowing where to find soup at 5bht a serve and a 7bht bus fare to Nana to scrounge a beer off any unsuspecting farang victim.

McKilt has his drinking problem under control......apparently he drinks lots, then falls over....no problem !

As for our new Agent having to sleep with Ronnie.....well l have heard about going beyond the call of duty, but that's just plain ridiculous. I would never ask one of my Agents to do something that l was not prepared to do myself.

So you are opening a new PI Company.....chasing the pink baht l suspect. Au Revior......and good luck with your projects.

[LivinLOS]

Sleeping with Ronnie.. Are we still doing the Magnum PI jokes ??

As to Undies McKilt.. We are reliably informed that he drinks in moderation (moderation of course being the name he has given to the imaginary world he inhabits).

[LivinLOS]

Dear HHPLC,

It has come to out attention that your new operative (the aforementioned Undies McKilt AKA Haggis McSporran AKA the Glaswegian Tumbler) and director for BKK operations, may in turn need to be put under covert survielance himself.

In these sad mesh influenced times, we can never be too careful and certain elements of McKilts uniform choices contain, shall we say, mesh leanings. Though he has not yet been observed with the full breathability of mesh, I am sure you can see the seeds of this insidious affliction. His MSN pic (I kid you not) is currently him reclining, legs akimbo, in a skin tight (on him) hot pink number. Is this the kind of image HHPLC wishes to promote of its senior staff.

We pray you know what you are doing and hope this is him deep undercover and not double agent stuff thats going on. At this stage HHPLC could be vunerable to a BKK mesh affiliated powergrab.

Stay vigilant.

Concerned of Croyden.

[Mav]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

Sleeping with Ronnie.. Are we still doing the Magnum PI jokes ??

As to Undies McKilt.. We are reliably informed that he drinks in moderation (moderation of course being the name he has given to the imaginary world he inhabits).

Mmmm....maybe Ronnie's a Double Agent? ....will get Soggy Biscuit on to that one.

Just googled Moderation / McKilt you may be onto something there LIL:

Experts agree that the answer lies in moderation - - eat meat less often ... When Scotty McKilt ( AM Bagpipe Player ) asks Zoe to watch his bagpipe when he ...

Definite Link there.....especailly the "eat meat less often" line.......very pertinent at this particular time.

[dogblower]

Originally Posted by Alfie

Ok... i am glad to report i am back on the team.
After digging up some sh1t on one of the directors they had no choice.
Business as usual

So? Spill the beans please. Name and shame.

[Mav]

Originally Posted by Alfie

Ok... i am glad to report i am back on the team.
After digging up some sh1t on one of the directors they had no choice.
Business as usual

Alfie is assisting with some marketing.....but that is it at this stage.

Once again you are jumping the gun Alfie......this is your problem son.....you are a loose cannon.

You have nowt on any of the Directors but seeing as Undies McKilt is catching up with you tonight, you probably will have some dirt soon enough.

[Denver]

I've you need any heavies let me know, I've heard of a couple of lads back on the market after bit of a spell at her Majesties Pleasure.

Can't divulge names here but thier nicknames are 'Dangerous" and '****ing Well Dangerous"............Numbers supplied on request.....They need some time out of the country...........innit.

[dawsey]

Originally Posted by Alfie

Ok... time to dish the dirt.
I have nothing eh???
Well here is #1
Mav is into Ladyboys big time, and this is why we had the fall out in the first place.
I have SMS proof of an encounter he had with a LB in Pattaya.
.

So he is two timing Mario as well

Maybe a quiet word in Mario's ear could make your return to HHPLC a formality Alfie 5555

I hesitate to use the word "blackmail" here,but you do get my drift

[Mav]

HHplc is proud to announce that Undies McKilt has been sub contracted for two weeks on a goodwill tour of LOS.

He will be arriving in Patong tonight Saturday 20/1/07 to fly the flag for HHplc.

He will not be undergoing any surviellence whilst in Patong, so feel free to say hello to him and ask him what services HHplc have on offer. I would ask however that you refrain from buying him a Vodka Red Bull as he is still technically on duty and is moderating his alcohol intake this trip as per regulations from HHplc.

So given the above you will not see any Glaswegian Tumbles, or find him searching for his mobile phone....instead it will be alow key "press the flesh" type trip spreading the good word about the Corporate giant that is HHplc.

Thank you for your time and any feed back on his visit will be much appreciated.

[LivinLOS]

Your still dealing with McKilt.. I thought your operation had cleaned up its act..

And as for the moderation of intake.. I reckon he still needs his stabilizers fitted.. Surveillance of your operative will begin later tonight.. We will see what kind of dignity your operatives conduct themselves with.

[dawsey]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

Your still dealing with McKilt.. I thought your operation had cleaned up its act..

And as for the moderation of intake.. I reckon he still needs his stabilizers fitted.. Surveillance of your operative will begin later tonight.. We will see what kind of dignity your operatives conduct themselves with.

A foregone conclusion Im afraid LiL, Agent McKilt will now doubt be observed tumbling down Bangla, searching for yet another phone.
A lost cause I fear, and fully ready to emphasise his position as No1 BM in the drinking stakes.

Please feel free to submit a full report, sparing no detail.

[Mav]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

Your still dealing with McKilt.. I thought your operation had cleaned up its act..

And as for the moderation of intake.. I reckon he still needs his stabilizers fitted.. Surveillance of your operative will begin later tonight.. We will see what kind of dignity your operatives conduct themselves with.

Yes, well McKilt's services were originally terminated after his last trip to LOS, due to unprofessional conduct, and bringing the name of HHplc into disrepute. This decision however was appealed against at the last meeting of the Board of Directors (U know...big table...glass jug of water etc etc) and was subsequentely upheld to a suspension.

Thus McKilt's behaviour whilst in LOS this trip is paramount to his ongoing employment with HHplc.

I will add a further appeal was held at the same meeting, but was thrown out after a very short discussion........Alfie remains very much an ex-employee.

[Mav]

Well recent photo's of Undies McKilt's brief trip to Patong have surfaced......which unfortunately have not put him in a very good light.

l have touched base with McKilt who is up North as we speak, and he has assured me that jetlag was the sole reason of his near tumble(s) and sleeping at the bar.....he assures me that alcohol played no part in it whatsoever.

I will be taking the matter up futher with him at HHplc's Annual Conference in Bkk on Feb 2 & 3..........nb...Our offices will be closed on these dates.