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#71
27-08-2005, 23:59
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diz, thtats , in my opinion is the greatest thing about this forum. we are all knuckleheads and we liket joke and fool around, but when it coms time to get serious, we can let our macho guard down and ask a serious question and will get serious answers and advice from other bm's without any judgement.
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#72
28-08-2005, 12:57
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I agree with Paul in that a girl's gonna do what a girl's gonna do, so you may as well relax, accept the inevitable, and try not to stress over it. And, yes, at times that is easier said than done, Diz! We are only human. As for reading someone else's mail, while it is true that it probably only causes unnecessary pain and makes it worse for yourself(you might say it's masochistic), it is the nature of the beast to want to know the real score, even when it hurts. As for the ethics of it, I feel like it goes back to "All's fair in love and war." What I mean by that, is that we are just trying to figure out if, what we are engaged in with the BG, is love or war! Or a bit of both. Whoops! I take that back, the bit of of both is called marriage, IINM.  There is nothing more basic in man, than the desire to know whether we are being lied to or told the truth.When a girl says, "Teerak, you are the only man in my life!" and you find out she is saying the same thing in emails to 5 other guys, then it tells you something about her, and about the nature of your relationship with her. If you want to bury your head in the sand, or be understanding and forgiving about it, then that is your perogative. But I don't see anything wrong with wanting to know. As Burg might say, "Know what? She's a BG, you already know everything you need to know about her!" But it is not that simple for most of us. The flesh is weak, and makes the brain a bit unsteady, at times. We are not living in paradise with a successful businesswoman wife. We live in the bowels of the beast of Western urban society, and take comfort where we find it. Still, if you send money to a BG, it is natural to feel you are being cheated when she says you are the only one, and you find out about the others. But that is where Burg's point of view is valid. You can not really expect quid pro quo when it comes to love. If you want to help out a poor girl and her family, and can afford to do so, good for you. But don't forget the words of the lads from Liverpool: "Money can't buy me love!" If you think it can, you are wrong. Best thing to do is just to relax. Go with the flow. But that is where life is really unfair, because all those wonderful masseuses should be here where we are tense and really need them to relax us, instead of in LOS, where everything is slow and easy by comparison!!  JayBee 
__________________
LOS is warm, soft, smooth, and brown. 
Last edited by JayBee : 28-08-2005 at 13:24.
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#73
30-08-2005, 00:54
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#74
30-08-2005, 00:58
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 IJ
__________________
ROLL ON OCTOBER........
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#75
30-08-2005, 01:39
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I don't know why or howcome, but I always had a special feeling with people from Ireland. Their humor is outstanding. Last edited by Burg : 30-08-2005 at 01:44.
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#76
30-08-2005, 02:20
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Take good care of yourself and your family Burg. 
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The idea is to die young.........as late as possible.
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#77
30-08-2005, 06:12
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Class act!!
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#78
30-08-2005, 06:43
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Would be a pleasure Burg.
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Dogblower and Judas....Same Same 
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#79
30-08-2005, 14:00
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......BUT ILL GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT ...............
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ROLL ON OCTOBER........
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#80
30-08-2005, 16:17
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The conversation finihshed shortly after that and I have heard nothing since. I followed it up with an email and tried to be as open as I could and tried not to be judgemental. I also left things open so that she could make the decision about how long she wants to be with me when I come over, but I also said I was not too happy at the thought of being alone for 1 week and wanted to have a happy holiday.
I haven't received a reply yet, in fact I'm not too sure that I will even get one. Diz[/quote] Diz, Thanks for posting your current experiences as I am sure that this information is not only useful to newbies but to us all, as we have all had a similar experience at some stage and for some a very costly experience. I think this is because we are from europe and do not initially understand the difference between the term love and why a bg/tg looks for a farang or indeed any partner. If she is the eldest daughter she is brought up told that her role is to provide for mama (papa incidentally if he is still about), to provide a home and an income for mama's retirement, this then is and always will be her first priority for all of her life, if a second daughter then her role is to supplement mamas income when daughter number one cannot. Secondly is for herself and child, then immediate members of family then husband and fifth boyfriend. Love in her eyes means that after two days the potential boyfriend appears to offer the first four things so she calls that love which is why they tell us this so quickly, if she marries the boyfriend maybe after 3 or 4 years of marriage she actually grows into what we think of as the feelings of love but still he will never get higher than priority three on her list. If they should split for whatever reason after this period the face thing kicks in and she will remove every trace of their time together, dismiss him from her mind and start again. If this happens two or three times that is when she will become the hardened bg that we make comment of on the forum and especially if she is over 30. I think, as others have said that unless we live in Thailand then we never progress from priority 5 and therefore cannot blame any tg for keeping her options open and running with two or three boyfriends all of which meet her criteria so all of which she loves. Your decision is do you share her knowingly, I put knowingly because we all share LT if not there everyday. Even if we sponsor them to an adequate level mamas demands for material goods will exceed almost any sponsor income level so she will always be requested to provide more. My opinion is that you will not be alone as you know and you will find another whom you feel exactly the same for on your next trip, if you want to be with her for one week do so, then stay in Patong or wherever and find another, fine. Until the day you move there and then take your time and find the one to settle with. I think the problems I read about on the forum come because we apply our european ideals and culture onto the asian girl, some of them exploit this but the majority just have a different hereditary agenda and one we must always keep reminding ourselves about because it is so easy to say "nah not my LT, she's different, she really loves me'. I also disagree with others, I do not want to read emails, texts etc because I already know what is happening when I am not there but don't personally want to read it or see it. If you hadn't in this instance nothing in your relationship would have changed you would be happy to see her and she would have seen you for two weeks or would have told you she had to go home for your second week cos mama was ill or something. Knowing only brings it factually home, so I think you will get a reply by email or telephone because you meet the criteria required, you have just got to decide knowing what you do to either say goodbye and start again or accept this two weeks. It will never become a totally faithfull relationship whilst any of us are not there for 46 weeks out of 52. For what its worth it has happened to me and each time now I go back I find another one that I like even more than the first, second etc, each with a little hopeful story that shes not the same but I never sponsor and just accept the fun relationship that it is when I am with them. Sorry I have whittled on big time, I must write this story soon of my first Thai romance if Nicke's got enough web space!! I could then just do a Diz and point people to the thread, save a lot of typing, because all my opinions would be on it!!
__________________
If I havn't done it already, then i'm gunna do it today.
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#81
30-08-2005, 16:26
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Cheer up, mate! Don't feel bad. This is just a classic situation and the whole conversation you had with her was classic.
From her point of view she is just doing what she has to do. She would have 5 BFs if she could pull it off, because in the end she feels that she would be lucky to end up with one out of the 5, and that some will never come back to LOS for years, some will grow bored and decide to butterfly, some will take a fancy to another girl, some hook up with an ex-GF, and some are just telling her lies about how they feel about her the whole time. And if out of the lot of them, there is one left who shows when he says he will, treats her well, and is faithful to her(even tho she is not to him), then even he does not qualify as a real honest-to-god(or bhudda) BF until he is willing to fork over the dough on a regular basis to support her, because in her mind, that is what BFs do. And even if he does sponsor her, then you know all the risks involved in that!! It is just the predicament we face, and there is no easy solution and it is all a crapshoot, unless you are able to live there, which improves the odds appreciably, but still is no guarantee. Or you can take her home, and that is a crapshoot, for sure!! So don't feel so bad(easy for me to say!). It is the price you pay when you are in this situation, yet have a romantic heart and, for the time you are there, enjoy living the fantasy with a sweet girl(or a tart one!), who makes you feel like you are the only one. As you yourself stated, we try to "live the dream" while we are there. But the deck is stacked against us. So the only thing to do is take the bitter with the sweet. Which, even with the pain, is IMHO, the better alternative to living a dreary sort of limbo life in farangland year 'round, with no excitement and no romantic fantasy in your life. Sometimes even pain is better than the numbness of boredom and hopelessness. BTW, I bet you $50, that you will hear from her again. If not, you will be a "rich" farang when you collect your winnings!! And that's 2 nights on me with the next love of your life!! JayBee
__________________
LOS is warm, soft, smooth, and brown.
Last edited by JayBee : 30-08-2005 at 16:38.
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#82
30-08-2005, 17:05
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Like women everywhere, they are always going to want to blame the problem on you. If she scheduled you for only one week, that is her problem, but she can't admit it, because, in her mind she can't tell you she has another BF. I don't know her, I am just talking out of my ass here, but I know that some of these girls are just not very bright, and when they are confronted by the unexpected(you suggesting that perhaps she has another BF), then they get flustered, and don't know what to say. They can't think fast enough to figure out a way out of their deception. So the easy way out is to try to shift the blame to you, because you "told her you were staying a week." As if that really made any difference. What makes a difference is that she has been found out, and does not know what to say to maintain the illusion anymore! It's just sheer frustration on her part. You have cracked the illusion. Then "you" made it even worse by suggesting, even if only in her imagination, that you may hook up with an ex or with her mate. When suddenly it's not going her way, whe just can't handle it!! She will go back to her GFs or mother, then they will examine the situation and make a decision on the correct course of action. If they can think of a good story to salvage the situation, then you will hear from her. She may go to the other guy and try to back him up a week! If there is any possible way to maintain both scenarios, she will figure it out. If not, they will probably decide who has better potential for sponsor, husband, or LT BF. Since you have broken the illusion, you ar eat a disadvantage there. If the other guy is still buying it, hook, line, and sinker, then they will figure the odds are better with him IMHO. Who she likes better probably has little if anything to do with it, as she will probably defer to the judgement of her mother or older sister in matters such as this. It's frustrating, because it comes so unexpected. But if you don't here from her in 7 days time, then change your plans, and go have the time of your life. I guarantee you that you will find another teerak inside of a week, if that is what you want!! Again, try not to take it too hard. Give yourself a few days.It is OK to feel bad now, but it will wear off. Think of all the fun you are going to have. Get psyched! And write her off as a loser, if she doesn't contact you with an apology!! It is all her fault! Don't shift the blame to yourself! Just think of where you would be in this situation, if you didn't know the score. It would be much worse. Some may disagree, but as I see it, you did absolutely nothing wrong. You can be sure that she feels that way about her side of the story, as woefully inadequate as it is. Just my 2 cents worth. JayBee
__________________
LOS is warm, soft, smooth, and brown.
Last edited by JayBee : 30-08-2005 at 17:26.
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#83
30-08-2005, 19:42
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Sorry to hear this Diz.
I'm no expert on Thai-Farang relationship, but one thing I've picked up from this board is that it is a lot easier when both parties live in the same country. I'm guessing that at the back of your mind is a plan regarding retiring to LOS at some point in the future, and this young lady was going to be a part of your life. If you miss out on this one, then there are plenty more fish in the sea there, and you can start a new search in Nov. Personally, I would not like to have a relationship with a TG from a great distance, so I would start my search when I was settled in LOS. I'd read her e-mails as well - that way you are more likely to gt the truth, even if it does hurt.
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#84
30-08-2005, 19:57
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and on it goes
Originally Posted by Burg
I'm not finished ;-). First a special word to steveski, Mav, dizbuster. I hope we can "discuss" our feelings in real life, I willl bring some wine (if the bartender agrees, else I will pay some cork fee). I'm not finished ;-). First a special word to steveski, Mav, dizbuster. I hope we can "discuss" our feelings in real life, I will bring some wine (if the bartender agrees, else I will pay some cork fee). Second positive thing, IJ is off of my kill list, I think I have to get used to the capitals. Burg, happy to have a beer or three, and any other BMs of course, but with you and Denver talking of getting them by the twenties, you definitely won’t get any arguments out of me, probably not even a coherent word, I think I’d be dead from that many beers in the one life time, OK the one night any way. But be warned if I see half a glint in a pretty girls eye I could be off like a shot in a gun, “sworn to fun loyal to none”. As homer says hmmmm beer! Believe it or not I seen IJ respond to a post with the caps lock off. IJ are you OK not sick or anything? To Dodger and JB thanks for the suggestions, as always good reading. As Dodger alluded to with a long post, I would not mind writing about my first trip to Thai in 94 but BMs might think that I was crazy for ever returning. Well I never said that I was clever just addicted to Thai. Diz, sorry to hear that it has gone tits up. Hope that my luck hasn’t rubbed off on you. Shite a trip to Pattaya to hump your disappointment out sounds like good therapy to me, either before or after Patong of course. If you like her that much just live with the realities, enjoy your time when you are there with her and to avoid future self induced pain (this is also advice to myself, even though I probably won’t listen) is to tell her to change her password. Cheers to all,
__________________
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. 
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#85
30-08-2005, 20:28
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It HaPpEnS eVeRy NoW aNd AgAiN.....................55555 Ij
__________________
ROLL ON OCTOBER........
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#86
30-08-2005, 20:40
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I will have to catch up with you for a drinkeepoo next trip mate,
sorry i did not make time to chat with you last trip, next time i hope
__________________
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
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#87
30-08-2005, 23:37
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IJ
__________________
ROLL ON OCTOBER........
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#88
30-08-2005, 23:37
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Patong based
Great story on Stick about thai girls lies, based in Karon......
http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader/reader1937.htm
__________________
"管它黑貓白貓，會抓老鼠的就是好貓"
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#89
30-08-2005, 23:58
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diz,
in my opinion, i would forget about her. i know that is easier said than done. and ive met her and she seems real cool and fun. i just think that after all that time talking she should be jumping up and down that you can stay an extra week. and i truly believ thats what you are looking for, a nice holiday with 1 nice, cool girl. and you deserve that. you want to be with a girl that totally wants to be with you. even if its only for that 2 weeks, and then she goes back to do her own thing after. i say go, check out the situation and choose one you like for the last week. i just feel that if you do stay with her, in the back of your mind you will be thinking that she would rather stay with soemone else. do what your heart tells you.
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#90
31-08-2005, 00:38
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__________________
The idea is to die young.........as late as possible.
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