"I want to do something for my father"

[Frode10]

Hi guys, need some help from some of you who are into thai tradition.

Me and my wife are going on holiday to Thailand in March and will stay the last week with her family in Kalasin - Isaan.
For some days ago she came to me and said she want to do something for her father (He died for about ten yr ago).
I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said something about her family will invite to a party and her brother are going to be "Buddha".
When I asked more about this she said she didn't know so much, but they wanted to do something for the father and she said she is going to give her mother 100K Baht so she can arrange this.

It's ok with the money, my wife has made them herself, but I am just curious about how this can cost so much and if this is normal for poor families in Isaan? What would they do if they didn't have the youngest daughter in Farang-land?

Some of you who know more about this, I guess tradition?


F

[LivinLOS]

He is going to be ordained into the monkhood (is that a word ??).. My buddy farang just did it prior to a marriage next month, To be ordained you need to get robes and some other minor things but it need not cost more than a couple of 1000..

However theres also a send off party, this can involve days of drinking, food for as many as they wish and can be from low to extremely high costs. The bigger the party the bigger the 'face' for the family.

So basically shes throwing 100k out for village face.. As long as your cool with that its not a problem. Its just a 100k party not anything 'required'. I personally dislike the mia farang face buying thing, but then thats much of the reason they are with a farang to do this so its swings and roundabouts.

[Frode10]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

However theres also a send off party, this can involve days of drinking, food for as many as they wish and can be from low to extremely high costs. The bigger the party the bigger the 'face' for the family.

So basically shes throwing 100k out for village face.. As long as your cool with that its not a problem. Its just a 100k party not anything 'required'. I personally dislike the mia farang face buying thing, but then thats much of the reason they are with a farang to do this so its swings and roundabouts.

Thanks LiL!

I did ask her why it had to cost so much, and she made her eyes big and said: "This is good for my family, you understand nothing, because you are not thai!"
I just answered her: Ok, ok, ok, fine, do what ever you want!


I will do my "swings" in Patong, for sure!!!


F

[LivinLOS]

My personal feeling is that why cant the family get big face by putting a kid through a better school, getting a computer and phone line, investing in a local biz, hell even putting an extension on the house or something tangible.. 100k is well over a years wages for rural folk, yet they will be happy to piss it away in a 2 day drunken party with little thought for the future. Thats what gets respect in Thailand ?!?

Thats the kind of thing I am trying to change my own GF's ideas on.. That 'face' is attained through being smart with your money, and creating a base of power / assets.. But I am unsure how much really goes in.

Not trying to dig at you or your missus.. Just its the flipside of the 'sanuk' of Thais and does keep them poor.

[Frode10]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

My personal feeling is that why cant the family get big face by putting a kid through a better school, getting a computer and phone line, investing in a local biz, hell even putting an extension on the house or something tangible.. 100k is well over a years wages for rural folk, yet they will be happy to piss it away in a 2 day drunken party with little thought for the future. Thats what gets respect in Thailand ?!?

Agree with you 100%!

I have tried to tell my wife that I don't want to give money to every person in her family, except her mother and son of course.
They are 14 sisters and brothers!

But we can for sure help some of them with a loan if they can get a better job or income because of these money.
One of her brothers is selling salad together with his wife at the marked every morning and make nearly nothing.
He now asked us to loan him the money for a deposit (21K Baht) to lease some kind of a minibus.
He got an offer for a job to transport people to and from nearby cities/villages, but he then needed the minibus.
From what I understood this could be an ok business for him, and I said yes to borrow him the money.

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

Thats the kind of thing I am trying to change my own GF's ideas on.. That 'face' is attained through being smart with your money, and creating a base of power / assets.. But I am unsure how much really goes in.

I don't think so much goes in when it comes to this.
In Norway she thinks different, but in Thailand it is only the "face" of her mother that counts.


F

[ub2yoo]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

My personal feeling is that why cant the family get big face by putting a kid through a better school, getting a computer and phone line, investing in a local biz, hell even putting an extension on the house or something tangible.. 100k is well over a years wages for rural folk, yet they will be happy to piss it away in a 2 day drunken party with little thought for the future. Thats what gets respect in Thailand ?!?

Thats the kind of thing I am trying to change my own GF's ideas on.. That 'face' is attained through being smart with your money, and creating a base of power / assets.. But I am unsure how much really goes in.

Not trying to dig at you or your missus.. Just its the flipside of the 'sanuk' of Thais and does keep them poor.

That's exactly where we put our focus on. We even didn't had our official Buddhistic wedding in the village yet. Her dad doesn't
want (nor requires) us to waste too much money for the whole village for this, we better invest this money wisely for more important
things, like the little kid we are currently getting over to Dubai.

I'm very pleased on the mindset of my wifes family. There's only one brother who's pushing her a bit, but she's very confidentially
kicking his butt.

We also have some talk around her nephew becoming a monk this year, but I haven't heard any mentionings for such large amounts.

Overall, and Frode10 knows and does it, if you are going to get married with a Thai and you informed yourself a little bit beforehand,
of cause we are prepared to shuffle over some money for these kind of things. They are important.

What I also find a very positive experience is her responsibility when it comes to money. I trust my wife completely and involve her
when defining budgets, income calculations etc. and we make our long term financial plan together.

She knows exactly what she has to do so we can archive this. Now she simply denies many of the requests she get's and says
...sorry, we have no money for this.

It's easier when she's involved and personally motivated than me just making a big secret around our income, which could falsely
let her believe it's an endless stream of a lot of "farang" money.

[marc26]

all excellent advice from Up2u and LIL

if it is your wife's money, then she can do as she please

one thing i will make certain when Ao ever gets here is that although i will take care of most things, the money she earns is not just going to be her money and i pay everything. it just doesnt work that way
how up2u explains, get them involved with the finances and they see its not an endless stream

i have seen massive parties in village that could easily cost 100k but they have all been by affluent famileis

[steve@thaib]

I meant to reply when I saw this earlier, but basically everything that Lil said.

My wife did exactly the same thing, I think she spunked around the 50k mark though so not as much.

It was a very, very big deal to her and her family, I was staggered that they would spend that much on a party but I did feel that it's not my business to say so. She works hard for her money so can spend it how she likes.

[ub2yoo]

Originally Posted by LivinLOS

My .. Just its the flipside of the 'sanuk' of Thais and does keep them poor.

On the other side LiL, if I would have saved all of my "sanuk" in live, all the parties, drinks and woman, I could
be a way richer man, if not sorted by now.

It's just that with every month, my potential income is really greater and stagging up my bank account than that
of the average Thai, sure only by working 24/7.

But when you think back about a post from Mr. DK a week or 2 ago, life could be shorter than you expect.

So, somewhere we have to keep this all in balance, and I personally don't blame the Thai culture to deal with it in a different
way than we do, sometimes I'm quite jelaous about their approach:-)

[marc26]

Originally Posted by ub2yoo

On the other side LiL, if I would have saved all of my "sanuk" in live, all the parties, drinks and woman, I could
be a way richer man, if not sorted by now.

It's just that with every month, my potential income is really greater and stagging up my bank account than that
of the average Thai, sure only by working 24/7.

But when you think back about a post from Mr. DK a week or 2 ago, life could be shorter than you expect.

So, somewhere we have to keep this all in balance, and I personally don't blame the Thai culture to deal with it in a different
way than we do, sometimes I'm quite jelaous about their approach:-)

it is one thing to blow off a little steam once and awhile and treat yourself but like LIL said, 75% of the time it is all about "face" and showing off for people when after they are done blowing that money, they dont have anything in the bank to fall back on

[ub2yoo]

Originally Posted by marc26

it is one thing to blow off a little steam once and awhile and treat yourself but like LIL said, 75% of the time it is all about "face" and showing off for people when after they are done blowing that money, they dont have anything in the bank to fall back on

I know, the face issue is a difficult thing to handle. I read every post with most interest.

All I can say to this is I'm extremely lucky not to be "faced" directly with this and are happy it doesn't impact our relationship at all.

[marc26]

Originally Posted by ub2yoo

I know, the face issue is a difficult thing to handle. I read every post with most interest.

All I can say to this is I'm extremely lucky not to be "faced" directly with this and are happy it doesn't impact our relationship at all.

ive taken great pain to explain to my gf why she shouldnt just do certain things while realizing she is in a different culture
she doesnt do half the things she use to do when i 1st met her

[ub2yoo]

Originally Posted by marc26

ive taken great pain to explain to my gf why she shouldnt just do certain things while realizing she is in a different culture
she doesnt do half the things she use to do when i 1st met her

I guess it's a great learning process...for all parties involved!
It can be done, with the right balance from both sides.

[pablo]

Built a new house in Buriram, and an "opening" party was called for.

Had to get the proper (lucky) day from the monks. And following the "blessing", a huge party ensued. It seemed that practically all the village showed up for food and drinks.

Total price tag was around 130,000thb.

I thought it was tooooo much, until I read a thread here that said to plan for around 300thb to 400thb, per person, for such a party. (3 BBQ pigs, extras, whiskey, beer, and all)

That would be about right, as there were around 300 people in all that showed up for the festivity.

And then, it doesn't seem so much. (my money, not hers....ouch)

[Dupree00]

Originally Posted by pablo

It seemed that practically all the village showed up for food and drinks.

Total price tag was around 130,000thb.

Any reciprication?

[pablo]

Originally Posted by Dupree00

Any reciprication?

There's generally an "opening" party of some sort going on from time to time, in the villages. And yes, usually open to everyone.

However, I think that (our) "opening" party was of such magnitude, that it still may be, #1.

(At least until some other farang gets duped into the same. 55555)

As has been said, it's really all about "face".

My GF will be opening a new business (salon), next month. The building itself is competed, and the request has been given to the monks (buddha), to "pick" a good or lucky opening day. (hocus pocus...55555)

The plan is to have a far smaller party, afterwards.

[K2]

Originally Posted by pablo

My GF will be opening a new business (salon), next month. The building itself is competed, and the request has been given to the monks (buddha), to "pick" a good or lucky opening day. (hocus pocus...55555)

Better consult with the oracle Mav - when is annual 'lucky' RTG Day mate?


Hope the biz works out for her Pabs - 130k - man you must be The King in her moo baan!

[Dupree00]

Originally Posted by pablo

However, I think that (our) "opening" party was of such magnitude, that it still may be, #1.

Elvis wouldn't have had it any other way.555

[eric-the-viking]

Had to smile the other day,when the wife came of the phone to her mother,seems the mother in law had been to an o.a.p party with her mates who all had daughters married to farangs .any how conversation turns to the mother in law and comments were made that English farang son in law is tight kin ie ow etc etc ,
well bless the mother in law ,apperently her reply was along the lines of may be he is may be he isnt ,but my daughter and grand daughter are very happy ,they have good life and they look will after me if i need them .



hmmm so now im waiting for the im sick phone call

[Simbo]

I still remember Pablo's face when he was on the phone being instructed as to how much the party would cost. If I recollect he wasn't even invited to it!!

[faultytowers]

Originally Posted by Simbo

If I recollect he wasn't even invited to it!!

That's because he is a world renowned "balloon chaser" !!!!!