Harry Nicolaides' Weekly Column

Exclusively for Phuket-Info.com

Visa Run to Burma!

During the Cold War the superpowers exchanged captured spies at the infamous Brandenburg Gate. This historic gate linked east and west Berlin and importantly was a bridge between the Eastern Bloc and Western Bloc. Clandestine meetings at midnight became a form of unofficial diplomacy as representatives of the intelligence agencies of the USSR and the United States stood beside dark sedans and watched the silhouettes of their counterparts. Suspicion and paranoia swirled above like dark clouds. Quid pro Quo, one man in exchange for another, helped to avert international incident and potentially, nuclear holocaust.

Today the Brandenburg Gate is a quaint historic relic. Rumours are surfacing that this unofficial diplomacy is still practised today. Easter Europe has become far too regulated for surreptitious exchanges. The spy agencies of the 21st century have relocated to the Third World where they masquerade as missionaries, international aid and health officials and environmentalists. However their modus operandi remains essentially the same - to establish a channel where hostilities are temporarily suspended while agents whose respective covers have been exposed during secretive assignments are traded like pawns in an elaborate geopolitical game of intrigue and espionage. The location is only a few degrees north of the equator, on the border of Thailand and Burma. No English is spoken in the entire region. All signs are in Thai. The waters are dark and murky. The boat captain's name is "My-job".

I was at the river crossing for only 10 minutes and I am convinced I saw an erstwhile Australian Prime Minister. Harold Edward Holt was Australian Prime minister for a brief period, 1966-67 before disappearing while swimming at Portsea, Australia. His body was never found. Conspiracy theories surfaced about Russian submarines, kidnapping and covert operations following his strong pro-Vietnam war politics. While it was raining heavily and visibility was diminished I have no doubts about the identity of the shadowy figure. Looking very old and infirm he emerged from a long tail boat and stepped onto the rickety pier before being spirited away by three men into a van. This was my first clue that the river crossing at Ranong, Thailand to the Kaw Thaung, a sovereign Burmese island, was no ordinary river crossing.

This is where many equatorial sun-dogs come to extend their time in paradise. Many tourists and long term ex-pat residents are on one month or three month tourist visa. The length of stay can be extended by an equivalent period granted under the auspices of the original visa by simply crossing the border between Thailand and a neighbouring country, having your visa stamped at a consulate and re-entering Thailand. Tourist visas usually have provision for multiple entries - sometimes up to three. All you need to take is your passport (with at least 6 months validity and several empty pages for visa stamps) and an American five dollar note. The five dollar note must be in mint condition - unsoiled, unsullied and most importantly crisp. If the note is not crisp your payment will not be accepted and your visa will not be stamped.

The road trip from Phuket was hugely enjoyable. Driving north along the western peninsula of Phuket we crossed the Sarsin Bridge onto mainland Thailand. Every 50 kilometres we encountered military checkpoints where we were stopped and searched. From this point the road signs were all in Thai while the rural landscape was unaffected by the malignant commercialism of the Western free market. The long meandering road reached up into the hinterland of Thailand like a naturally formed gully shaded by the verdant foliage of sub-tropical vegetation. Pineapples for sale by the roadside by farmers at 2 Baht each was indicative of the cost of living and the level of economic activity in this picturesque tableau of the Third World. The ambient light soon fell as we entered the shadow-lands beneath the canopy of Khaolak National Park, a multi-generational rain forest with towering trees and arcane ferns lunging forward over the road like gigantic prehistoric dinosaurs.

Ranong is a border town on the western Thai peninsula. A small population of farmers and merchants crowd the main street and small markets. Our first stop was at the Ranong Immigration department (a small municipal building with a prominent Thai flag billowing on a flagpole) before going to the PTT gas station. Here we were met by half a dozen dubious characters who led us to the pier were we were introduced to 'My-job', the boat captain. The gruelling thirty minute boat ride to the island of Kaw Thaung in Burma costs 400 Baht. The defacto consular office on the other side resembles a makeshift colonial outpost. Contraband cigarettes, liquor and other recreational pleasures are available for a small fee. Once you have presented your crisp five dollar American note to the authorities in Burma and your visa has been stamped you must return to Thailand and revisit the Ranong Immigration building for another stamp. The fee here is nominal only. If you hang around long enough at the Ranong crossing rumour has it that you may even catch a glimpse of Elvis Presley, Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. They are usually on their way back into the Kingdom to Phuket where they strut their stuff as lady-boys at the notorious Andaman Queen bar on Bangla Road.

Ranong to Kaw Thaung VISA RUNS

Contact: Nyanmat (Burmese national) PH: 01-288 10 73, 09-875 96 84

Harry Nicolaides

Click here to comment this column

(You must be a registered member of the forum to leave comments)